January 19, 2011

Power of One Week #4

How long is this challenge?  Cause I ain't movin much of any where and need to get my act in gear!  I've been out of the losing game for so long I guess I forgot how it works.

Power of One Challenge

Oh yeah, well not this week - maybe next week!?!

Challenge start: 137
Last week: 137.2
This week: 138

What's up with me?  I'm so hungry from all my mileage.  No, that can't be right.  I logged a grand total of 8 miles last week.

I'm so tired from getting my runs in.  Erm...didn't run at all last week.  Haven't since the marathon actually.
I don't know how to "do" moderation.  And doing what I know makes me lose weight terrifies me.

I really don't know what to do with that.  I mean obsession and moderation are my only 2 weight loss choices, and I don't see either as a viable working plan for me. 

I considered "doing" South Beach.  It was even recommended by my Dad's doctor (we are both hypogluacemic)  but Intuitive Eating principals are still in my head.  Carbs aren't bad.  No food is.  I'm not even bad for enjoying a Pizza Hut double punch Monday buffet + Pepsi with friends.  Probably not the smartest choice for my body, but it doesn't make me a bad person.
Really, so what if I'm chubby?  I'm back to my former size 2 top, size 8 pants circus freak proportions.  Is that such a horrible thing??

Jay and I watched The Devil Wears Prada the other night.  Later I commented to friends that the movie was meh:

was insulted by the "size 6 is the new 14", but even more insulted that they wanted us to believe that ann hathaway was a size 6.

I was surprised and taken aback for a moment when I got the following response:

Or that size 6 and below is a good thing to shoot for. Feh.

It got me thinking, what did a size 4 get me?  Did I get the mortgage on my house paid off?  Did it take me to Europe and to Australia?  Did it bring my husband closer to the Lord?

None of those things happened.  Those things on my bucket list that I supposedly want more than anything occured.

So what was the point?

I'm not saying I'm giving up.  Or that I'm meant to be this size.  I just don't know where all of this leaves me.

I said once that even if I gained all my weight back, the journey was worth it because I found my love of running and how great I felt when I exercised.  Well that's me right now.

I'm going to be participating in a challenge issued by April.   A mile a day for 100 days.  Some days (like today in spin class) that will be easy peasy.  Other days (like on the weekends) I'm sure I'll really struggle.  But it'll be good for me.

In other news:
If you get a second Take a moment to head over to RR Mama's play ground.  She's looking for a bit of accountability and I have just the friends to help her! (Also, she thinks I'm cool.  So I'm kinda partial to her.)


  1. Weight is just a number. Your body is probably still trying to figure things out from the race.

  2. I am up this week too, but I am not letting it get me down. I exercised more than I have in a long time and I am focusing on that. I am getting my running groove back and that feels good.

    I love reading your running stories, by the way!

  3. Weight and size are just numbers. If you are happy than that is all that matters.

  4. It is so funny (but not really) how our heads are so messed up about the numbers we see. On the scale, on our clothes. We both just need to pop each other and be done with it.

  5. I have fluctuated between a sz 4 and 6 since I was 16 years old, but in a house full of size 00's you can imagine how my body image has always been. That being said, it took me a long time to get to the point where you and your commenters are, but they you're all right - weight and sizes aren't identities.

  6. **You've made an excellent point!**

    I thought about joining April in her challenge, but I don't see how I could get outdoors every day, especially with freezing whether. It's hard enough to go to my bedroom to do my EASA2 Workout.

    However, walking would be a good way to get hubby moving!


  7. I think at a certain point when we are at or close to our goal weight... we have to start looking at fitness as the challenge. You've done your marathon... but what's next? What do you strive to do better or excel at? Therein lies motivation, you make healthy choices because it helps you to reach your fitness goal. The numbers on the scale will just follow along. I don't know when I'll cross to that side, but I think I'm getting close. Saying is much easier than doing though, I know.

  8. I also want to say that the size 4 you didn't get your ass through 26.2 miles.

    You have to find your happiness, and it might just be that you need to figure out how to love yourself as you are now.

  9. I hope you keep this attitude about it & are just happy being YOU!! :)

  10. ok..I hear your frustration at the numbers on the scale continuing to go up but you have to stop and think...."what are my "real goals" in life?" I can answer them for you, in case you have forgotten. Happy, healthy and fit!! Now that you have been reminded of those goals sit back and think, "how can I meet these goals?" Is it depriving yourself of a pizza buffet with friends? NO!! Is it running and exercising consistently? YES! Stop looking at the scale and start thinking about the results you are after....a
    "strong, sexy, smart" woman!! Aim for ways to guide you in this direction and you will get there...
    Love ya!!

  11. Ok now your check is in the mail! Thanks Brooke, you are the best!! My "weigh in" is tomorrow. =)

  12. I love the fact that you are happy. I don't want to be lower than a size 10 - would prefer a size 12. I'm just not built to be in a teeny tiny size, and I'm totally happy with that. Sounds like you have the same kind of feelings.

    I don't think you have anything to worry about - you ran a marathon!! You are my hero!!

    It doesn't matter about the numbers...I believe it's the way you live your life - you are LIVING, girl!!

  13. Numbers are just numbers, be it size or weight. Why do we let them get us so screwed up? I think we all just need to lighten up and just go with how we look and feel and not with some unattainable goal. Did that make sense?

  14. We did the beach (south beach) and it is rough. Those first 2 weeks are misery.
    I lost some weight, but eventually gained it all back.
    I have been working on losing some pounds since the marathon, and i have found moving more and drinking tons and tons of water are helping a lot.

  15. I was just discussing with a friend in bootcamp about how my body seems to have found a happy place. I'm tired of losing. I've been a loser for 6 years (top that :P), and I'm kinda getting over it. I love working out, which is something I never thought would cross these lips. I LOVE WORKING OUT. I have found my (sorta) happy place with intuitive eating. Do I want to reach my goal? SHIT YEAH, but am I motivated to do it? SHIT NO. At least not right now. I'm happy just kinda hanging where I am for right now. Of course that all might change as swimsuit season gets nearer! HA!

    I love you girl. I love your size 2 top and your size 8 rear end. I love your heart. The fact that you ran 26.2 and didn't die, amazes me. You are AWESOME.

  16. Decide what makes *you* happy. Is it a number or where you are mentally/physically? If you're happy and healthy physically doing the running etc and you look good (don't argue with me, you do) then the # isn't the piece that you need to be stressing about. Love you!

  17. {{{love}}} to you...i know it's hard to get into the rhythm where both your mind and your body are happy. here's to that happening soon!

  18. Awww....I totally understand Brooke! It's tricky figuring all this stuff out. It's like it matters but it doesn't. The trick is finding peace/love regardless of numbers - too bad its so hard! Anways, as you know from my whiney blog posts...I def struggle. And like you remind me, just be patient with yourself and do what you feel is healthy for you. One day we'll figure it all out, but until then...one day at a time right? FYI. It's msxj - having problems with Open ID.

  19. I love your resolve! It IS all about the journey. Your blog is inspirational and I like your 1 mile a day for 100 days challenge.

  20. The # on the scale can really mess with a person can't it? We have to rememeber that although the scale doesnt show it we are gaining muscle and/or loosing inches..that's why it's also important to not just take your weight but your measurments. i've found that although i did not loose or maintained, I was loosing inches! That was enough to keep me out of "the dark place" Keep up the good work, girl. The scale will show it soon!

  21. That number can be such a pain... You are probably still recovering from your race too. I am blown away by what it takes to recover after a race.

    Hang in there and congrats again on your race!


what up yo?