Burst into Summer - Week 1

Today is the kick off of the Shrinking Jeans burst into summer challenge.  Once again its a team challenge, so I'm hopeful to have the support and accountability of not letting my team down.  (We're team 8 and so far I've only "met" one of my teammates).



Honestly I'm really not sure what else to say on this post. I'm at the same weight as last week.  I tried taking my measurements last night, but I think I did it wrong.  (I was under the influence of Benadryl.)

To say much more would be to regurgitate posts from the past.  I'm sick of being here but I can't get myself to do anything to change. 

How's that for the shortest check-in post ever?

Buh Bye May!

So yesterday was the last day of May and I got it in my head that I'd need to weigh-in for the final challenge wrap up.  Yesterday I hopped on the scale.  And about threw it across the room.  I was up 1.4 from last week.  Considering last week I was at my highest ever weight, this was not good news.   These are not the kind of records I want to be setting!

Thankfully, I was granted a stay of execution and the official end of challenge weigh in is today.  Makes sense right, since yesterday morning the month wasn't over and now it is.  Those Sisterhood hookers are smart gals.



I'm back down to last week's weight.  1.4 pounds lost in 1 day.  I'm not foolish enough to think it was fat loss, but I'm glad to see that I don't need to be worried about an upward spiral with my weight.  I'm still not happy with having a 4 in the middle position on the scale, but the 0 after it makes me a little more happy.

I ate well yesterday.  If everyday could be like that I would be happy no matter what my weight or pant size.  I hope.  Here was my menu:

Breakfast:
whole wheat English muffin
honey
peanut butter

Lunch:
Boca burger
chips
steamed veggies

Dinner:
salad
Pulled pork BBQ
corn on the cob

Evening snack:
chocolate pie

One thing I love about this?  Its got portion control, without restriction.  Healthy food without sacrifice.  This is what I want the food portion of my life to be about.  Can I maintain it?  Yes and no.  As long as I'm working toward it that's what counts, right?

Moving along to my goals for the challenge...

1. Tracking my exercises in an excel spreadsheet. Marking the completed workouts in purple, the incomplete workouts in tan, abandoned workouts in red. The goal is to complete 85% of all scheduled workouts. That sounds really low, but its only getting to fudge on 5 workouts. I'm going to count incomplete workouts as half a workout.
   
   I completed 23.5 out of 26 possible workouts this month.  Breaking out the trusty calculator (cause trophy wives don't do math) that's 90%!
   
   This goal marked - exceeded!
   
2. Tracking my food in an excel spreadsheet as well as a printed publisher file. I'm going to plan out my menu for the week, then track how often I follow through. This means no guilt for the Friday fast food with mom. No guilt for going out for BBQ with my love. Shooting for 85% on this one too.
   
   Kicked ass on this one I suspect.  Let's consult the spreadsheet - I ate as planned 62 of 66 meals.  94%
   
   This goal marked - exceeded!
3. A new 5K PR.  
   
   I blew the old PR of 31:35 out of the water on Saturday finishing in 29:20.
   
   This goal marked - exceeded!

One can take from this one of two things.  1) I set my goals too easy and should try harder for June.  2) I'm freakin awesome and should just accept it.

Hope you had a great May as well!

Roller Coaster Check-in

Everyone needs a good Bridget Jones quote in their lives.

I choose Vodka. And Chaka Khan.


Oops, that's not right.
 
It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.


First there was the amazing 5K PR this weekend. 
 
My after glow was short lived, however, when I took my measurements (weight included) for the Body for Life fitness regimen I'm starting.
 
The good news about my body measurements?  While I weigh my heaviest weight EVER - I have a 27 inch waist.  While Scarlet O'Hara would disapprove, I think most of us would say that's not too shabby at all. 
 
The bad news?  My legs are 24 1/2.  EACH.
 
Which makes for ________  proportions.  (You'll have to fill in the blank yourself.  Thea took away all my insulting words yesterday.)
 
Moving right along - its time to check in on the "May My Way" goals I set for this month.


 

1. Tracking my exercises in an excel spreadsheet. Marking the completed workouts in purple, the incomplete workouts in tan, abandoned workouts in red. The goal is to complete 85% of all scheduled workouts. That sounds really low, but its only getting to fudge on 5 workouts. I'm going to count incomplete workouts as half a workout.
   
   I completed 100% of all my workouts this week and I'm at 90% for the month! 
   
   This goal marked - achieved!
2. Tracking my food in an excel spreadsheet as well as a printed publisher file. I'm going to plan out my menu for the week, then track how often I follow through. This means no guilt for the Friday fast food with mom. No guilt for going out for BBQ with my love. Shooting for 85% on this one too.
   
   I was 93% for the week on this one and am currently at 83% for the month.  Gonna have to do great this week to pull that percentage up for the final check in!
   
   This goal marked - achieved!
3. A new 5K PR.
   
   I blew the old PR of 31:35 out of the water on Saturday finishing in 29:20.
   
   This goal marked - achieved!

So, that's my week for better or worse.  How did yours go?

*MY* way or the Highway!

Unfortunately this is not going to be a post about how the baggers at my local grocery store drive me nuts.  While I'd love to bitch gripe complain vent about how they consistently bag my groceries wrong (put the regular items in my insulated reusable bags and put my freezer/fridge items in my regular reusable bags) I fear I would bore you to tears.  Also I might look like a picky bitch.

We can't have that.

So instead I'll show you how my perfectionist tendencies manifest in a good way.  I did great on my goals this past week for the Sisterhood May Your Way challenge.

1. Tracking my exercises in an excel spreadsheet. Marking the completed workouts in purple, the incomplete workouts in tan, abandoned workouts in red. The goal is to complete 85% of all scheduled workouts. That sounds really low, but its only getting to fudge on 5 workouts. I'm going to count incomplete workouts as half a workout.
   
   I completed 4.5 out of 5 workouts for 90% consistency.  I was scheduled for a long run this weekend, but instead I walked on the golf course with my parents and Jay.  More of a mental health thing.  Definitely not the intensity of a 7 mile run, but better than sitting on the couch (hence the partial credit.
   
   For the month I'm at 86%  just a hair above my 85% goal.
   
   This goal marked - achieved!
2. Tracking my food in an excel spreadsheet as well as a printed publisher file. I'm going to plan out my menu for the week, then track how often I follow through. This means no guilt for the Friday fast food with mom. No guilt for going out for BBQ with my love. Shooting for 85% on this one too.
   
   Not counting weekends (which I don't.  Because I can.*) I followed my meal plan to the letter.  15/15 on this one for 100%! 
   
   *The main point of this goal is to prevent me from eating out too much for lunch at work, or getting lazy after work for dinner.  I don't want to lose the flexibility to roll with the punches on the weekend.
   
   This goal marked - achieved!
   
3. A new 5K PR. In 10 days I'll run in a race that bills its self as "flat." That rarely happens around here. I'm shooting for another PR. Maybe not sub 30, I don't think I've put in the work for that. But definitely below my current PR of 31:35.
   
   This race is Saturday morning, so I'll be running the Fit Bloggin 5K with yall in spirit.  I'm really not all that nervous about it (see goal 1 - blowing off a training run), but I did have a dream I did awful.  Like double my usual time.  Getting frustrated and driving my car to the finish line, but by the time I parked, got out, and got back on course that stunt ended up killing my time.  So maybe that dream means I'm more nervous than I realize.
   
   Then again that's also the night I dreamed I had a deflated belly.  Much like Kate Goslin's must have looked after she had her sextuplets. 

All in all a good week.  No weight loss to report, I haven't been on a scale in 18 days.  My pants don't feel more lose, but I do feel good about where I am. Also I only had 3 cokes last week (counting Wed-Tues as a week.)  I think the less of a deal I make about that, the easier it is to fore go them.  It also helps when I have other options.  Wine, beer, lemonade - anything to give me a break from the same boring water I drink all day.

How did yall do this week?

Just as I am

If you haven't had a chance to check out yesterday's post check it out.   The long on short of it?



I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.

Gotta love Mark Darcy!

I'm trying to convince myself I'm quite nice, just as I am.  Work in progress, but I do like the progress I've made in the past few days.

Now time for my check in stuffs.

1. Tracking my exercises in an excel spreadsheet. Marking the completed workouts in purple, the incomplete workouts in tan, abandoned workouts in red. The goal is to complete 85% of all scheduled workouts. That sounds really low, but its only getting to fudge on 5 workouts. I'm going to count incomplete workouts as half a workout.
   
   I completed 7.5 out of 9 workouts.  (Confused as to the 0.5?  Catch up here.)  My calculator says that's 83% which is close to my goal.  Since the other was missed while in Ohio visiting my MIL for Mother's day, I'm going to round this one up to 8/9 for 88%.
   
   This goal marked - achieved!
2. Tracking my food in an excel spreadsheet as well as a printed publisher file. I'm going to plan out my menu for the week, then track how often I follow through. This means no guilt for the Friday fast food with mom. No guilt for going out for BBQ with my love. Shooting for 85% on this one too.
   
   I ended up following through with 2/3 of my planned meals at 67% completion rate.  Not exactly goal, but over half is a decent start.  This goal marked - meh.
3. A new 5K PR. In 10 days I'll run in a race that bills its self as "flat." That rarely happens around here. I'm shooting for another PR. Maybe not sub 30, I don't think I've put in the work for that. But definitely below my current PR of 31:35.
   
   This goal marked - not yet.
4. Being successful on my 5 weekly goals (which may or may not stay the same through this) 6/7 days of the week. As badly as I hate to admit it, I'm not perfect and expecting 7/7 on all 5 goals just isn't reasonable.
   
   Since this is "my way" I decided to throw out the tracking daily goals out the window. It started this weekend when I decided not to take my notebook to Ohio, but I still found myself looking out for the things on my list.
   
   I can't really put into words why this feels right, it just does. So this goal gets marked - achieved!
5. To sit down at a meal and say "what can I do to make this more healthy?" Maybe its adding strawberries to my cereal. Or opting out of the coke. Or on a bad day saying "no thanks" to the coke refill. Little things. But little things matter.
   
   This isn't one of those trackable goals I can geek out on and spout percentages on.  Sometimes I do it, sometimes I don't.  The ultimate goal is to make this a way of life.

I'm feeling pretty good about this past week - despite the Pizza Hut buffet, Pepsi, and Ramen that made up my Monday (thanks for outing me to the Sisterhood yesterday April).

Hey - it happens.  But it doesn't define me.


 

Wednesday Check-in ~ Freestyle version

Thank you for everyone who gave me helpful feed back on my challenge kickoff post.  If anything that should prove that this isn't your conventional challenge, at least not for me.

I weighed in on that post and don't plan on getting back on the scale until Tuesday the 31st.  Weighing constantly just doesn't work for me. 

What does work for me?  Having a friend like Ashley.  She doesn't just let me wallow, but gets straight to the point.  What's the problem and how can we fix it?  Our brains work in similar ways (which should probably scare her), so I'm taking a page out of her book in lining up my goals for the challenge.

1. Tracking my exercises in an excel spreadsheet.  Marking the completed workouts in purple, the incomplete workouts in tan, abandoned workouts in red.  The goal is to complete 85% of all scheduled workouts.  That sounds really low, but its only getting to fudge on 5 workouts.  I'm going to count incomplete workouts as half a workout. 
2. Tracking my food in an excel spreadsheet as well as a printed publisher file.  I'm going to plan out my menu for the week, then track how often I follow through.   This means no guilt for the Friday fast food with mom.  No guilt for going out for BBQ with my love.  Shooting for 85% on this one too.
   Since I'm doing this my way - I get to insert a floating lunch with my girlfriends at work.  I never know when we're going to get to, but I'm allowing myself one a week.  (I'm loving this my way stuff already!)
   Also?  I'm making a point to be more purposeful with my personal spending money in an effort to combat the random fast food drive thrus.  More to come on that idea on my Friday financial check in.
3. A new 5K PR.  I'm missing my 5K this weekend because I'm the best daughter-in-law wife in the world.  So I'm pushing my 5K back for another 2 weeks.  This one looks nice.  See where it says "flat"?  That rarely happens around here.  I'm shooting for another PR.  Maybe not sub 30, I don't think I've put in the work for that.  But definitely below my current PR of 31:35.
4. Being successful on my 5 weekly goals (which may or may not stay the same through this) 6/7 days of the week.  As badly as I hate to admit it, I'm not perfect and expecting 7/7 on all 5 goals just isn't reasonable.
5. To sit down at a meal and say "what can I do to make this more healthy?"  Maybe its adding strawberries to my cereal.  Or opting out of the coke.  Or on a bad day saying "no thanks" to the coke refill.  Little things.  But little things matter.

As for my weekly goals - how'd I do?  You ask.  Let's see:

Read Bible daily
7/7!  I God Rocks!

Read for fun daily
6/7 - Monday was a crazy busy day, so I'm definitely good with this result.

Water
7/7 - This is the easiest of all the goals for me.

Exercise
6/7 - Lunch with friends and dinner out with the hub-sand kept me from working out yesterday.  I'm cool with that.

3 servings of Veggies & Fruits
5/7 - Without a doubt my weakest area.  My two days falling short were the weekend and I was on the run (literally and figuratively) all weekend.  So yes, after a day of moving a friend, helping Jay clear out the crawl space and cleaning my entire house I was too exhausted to cook dinner.  Lunch was taco bell and dinner was a can of Chef-Boyardi Sketti & meatballs.  Beans & tomatoes right?  Shoulda had a piece of fruit for breakfast and I would have counted this one.  Even I won't count my grape jelly as a fruit! :P

Sunday I ran through the Dunkin drive-thru on the way to church (don't worry I got an English muffin - I was really just after the coffee), ate an apple for lunch (heading straight for my long run so I didn't want a heavy stomach) then met my parents for dinner at Fuddruckers.  Sure I could have gotten a salad.  But why?  Their burgers are to die for.  Too bad the cheese dip doesn't count...well for much of anything but calories because I think I ate my weight in that stuff!!

Depending on how I do on all the areas this week, I'll probably move one or two off and move something else on.  Any suggestions on what could take their place?

I have all these thoughts in my head.  I hope to get them out there in a somewhat coherent way. 

Yesterday I had a kick ass run on the treadmill.

I learned all kinds of goodies about myself that made me feel incredible.  I made good choices, I proved I could do it...yada yada and all that inspiring stuff.  I had a wonderful idea for a post.  Only...

Yesterday evening I saw a picture that sent me into a tailspin. 

It was a model in a bikini.

My first thought?  Man that's disgusting.  She looks ill.

My second thought?  I'm a cow.  (April has seriously restricted the words I can use to personally insult myself.  Basically as I come up with one, she bans it from my vocabulary.)

All of a sudden whatever victory I'd acheived on the treadmill vanished.  Then again only in my world is running a 10:30 m/m pace a victory.  Thus the downward spiral began.

While sleep always helps these things, today I'm still left processing it all.  When I first logged onto twitter this morning I noticed that Ryan on his "No More Bacon" blog posted this.  

But then of course, I can't help but hear the voice of my friend in the back of my head who, upon hearing about Operation Beautiful, proclaimed that the project must have been started by some fat chick who was just trying to make herself feel better.  (I post this knowing full well this not to be the case, but the idea sticks with me.)

Also in my head?  Trying to come up with my starting post for the new Sisterhood challenge. 



I've decided to do a weigh in to start and one to finish - with none in between.  The result of getting on the scale today?  I'm at 138.8 - the highest number I've ever seen on the scale.  I'm supposed to come up with some challenges for myself and goals I want to reach through the challenge and I'm struggling.

What I want? 

To weigh 115 pounds
To like the way I look in the mirror
To easily run a sub 10 m/m
To believe my husband when he says he likes my body
(he's a salesman - his job is to tell people what they wanna here - I can promise I'm not his "type")

None of those are realistic. 

How do I begin to build goals that motivate me.  Sure I could say "to lose 3 pounds for the challenge".  But honestly 135 doesn't look all that much different, so what's the point?

These feelings are getting jumbled with thoughts for a post I had about loving yourself as you are (ha!) and dressing your body so you feel and look great. 

I don't know how to end this post.  I quite obviously don't have the answers.  So I'll end with a prayer. 

I was chatting with a friend several days ago and she was telling me that while she's been recovered from an ED for several years, she still battles some worries regarding her disorder.  I promised to pray for her.  In my regular prayer time, but also when I struggle with body image issues of my own.  I figured that way she'd really get bathed in prayer! 

Dear Lord,

Please be with her right now.  You know her thoughts better than even she does.  You know where she needs to be for optimal health.  Take her hand and guide her there. 

Be with everyone reading this prayer, that they might use their bodies in a way that spreads your love to others and brings You glory.

In Christ's name ~ Amen

Oops

I did so well last challenge with stick with my goals, I decided to stop tracking them.  Surely they had become habit and I would keep them up right?

Wrong.

I even started slacking on my Bible reading.  I decided to reinstate the weekly goal checklist because I want to stay on top of these.  I don't know that I ever hit any of the goals all 7 days, so I need to focus on doing just that.  Also, I'm going to rotate goals off and replace them with something new as I succeed in doing the goal for 7 straight days.

It'll probably take a few weeks, but when the time comes I'll need some ideas from yall as to what I new goals I should set for myself.

So far I've done well with not weighing, its been 2 weeks since I've stepped onto the scale.

That's something I suppose.  With all the wallowing in self pity I've been doing here lately I'm sure the scale would have provided excellent fodder.

Also?  Its allergy season here in the allergy capital of the world. Thankfully my allergy shots and OTC pills help me ward off a stuffy nose and sneezing.  I do, however, suffer from anxiety during allergy season.  My allergist insists that its not possible and the two aren't connected.  Anxiety comes in the spring and leaves in the summer, not sure how that can't be connected.  But other than deal with it what's left for me to do?



So far my workouts this week have felt really good.  I got up early (not on purpose I promise!) to get my run in Monday morning as well as restarting the 100 push ups challenge.  I did week 5 column 2, but wasn't able to complete my last set - I'm dropping to column 1 today for day 2. 

Yesterday I switched back to high weight/low rep in the weight room on my own, choosing not to go to the total body class (high rep) that the gym holds every Tuesday/Thursday.  I even took on the squat rack and my quads are feeling it this morning!

I hope to check in next week with at least one 7/7 goal met.  How'd you do this past week?

Does the Hamster Wheel Every Really Have an End?

First off - if you missed my Operation Priceless post pop over and check it out here.  And if you see me on twitter I could sure use a #teamBrooke shout out.  The closer to race day (3 and counting) gets the more nervous I become!

Today is the last day of the



challenge.  As much as I've enjoyed teaming up with Ashley for this one, I have to admit that I'm glad its over.  Just another hamster in a wheel not getting anywhere.  Which is cool if your goal is to not go anywhere or just to stretch your legs, but when you're trying to get on down the road its totally not cool.

(Once again) I've decided to change up the way that I weigh.  I'm not willing to restrict myself enough to see significant weekly progress.  Who knows if a 0.5 pound here or there is water or actual fat loss?  But to have lost 2-3 pounds for the month?  That's progress.

So, I start end this challenge just as heavy as I started, but with new resolve.

I will weigh myself the first week of every BC pill pack.  Every 4 weeks.  I'm thinking no more Sisterhood challenges for a bit, but I'll probably say that and they'll post a super cool new challenge that I desperately want to be a part of.

Week 1 is next week, but I'm not going to weigh.  I weighed today for the last week of the challenge and we'll just let that ride for the next 5 weeks.

Also?  I've got this picture on the desktop of my computer.

I want to get back there.  I'm leaps and bounds from it now.  It'll either encourage me to stay on track.  Or make me crazy.  We'll see 'eh?  So far its just helped.  Yesterday I chose to eat a Greek yogurt for afternoon snack and fore go the Texas toast with dinner. 

Today?  The office next door brought over omelets, hash brown casserole, biscuits, and muffins.  I made myself a small plate for lunch and moved on.   Then she brought over gravy for the biscuits and I caved.

Oops.

So now I am 24 calories over goal (dinner & spin class taken into consideration, but not lunch). 

*sigh*

Moving right along...

Challenge goals:

For fun reading daily:
6/7 - this could have easily been 7/7, as the only day I missed was Saturday.  What was I doing Saturday?  Sitting on the couch being Miss Pouty Pants.  Not cool.  The upside is I did great the other days.

Daily Bible reading:
6/7 - see above.  Mz Pants needs to take a hike.

Water:
6/7 - Knocked this one out of the park drinking 9-10 glass of water every day.  Except, you guessed it, Saturday. 

(The biscuits & gravy are starting to give me a belly ache already.  Not cool.)

Exercise:
5/7 - This one was doable, but I sorta gave up on the push up challenge.  So Saturday and Sunday I was exercise free.  I averaged 27 minutes daily (186/7), so I'm counting this one as a win. 
Veggies & Fruits:
4/7 - My weakness, and I know it.  I failed on this goal the days that I ate like crap.  Easy way to fix that - stop eating crap!

Is it really too much to ask for 7/7 on all of these things just one week of the challenge?  Heck 7/7 on anything for a week would be great.  I'm considering keeping this up for another few weeks beyond the challenge because I'm a perfectionist just to see if I can improve.

Workin it Wednesday

 As always, its check in day over at the Sisterhood and I'm confused. 

No, this isn't an old post I'm just recycling.  I'm just confused a lot  here lately.  I vow to stop weighing then I weigh myself.  I vow to stop calorie counting then I go back to it.  I vow to honor Jesus's Easter sacrifice by making a sacrifice of my own and I drop the ball.

Sounds like a whole lotta failure doesn't it? 

I heard this quote last week and instantly fell in love:

Try again. Fail again. Fail better. ~Samuel Beckett

Unfortunately I've done a lot of failing poorly here lately.  Well I had a soda yesterday, so I might as well do it again today.  That kind of reasoning gets me no where.  No where good any way.

So here we are to look at my past week's failures.  Gonna shoot for a better failure next week.  The hard part?  I'm girls lunching it today and then date night tonight.  Of course that leaves zero time for a workout.  Well I could have workout this morning but I didn't and I've misplaced my time machine.

8 (or more) glasses of water daily:
3/7 - yikes! guess I bragged too quickly last week.  Also?  The day I have a heavy workout I want to add at least 2 extra glasses of water to my total.  I've found that drinking 16oz on the way to work in the morning helps out a lot.  Gets me off on the right foot and of course adds to my total.  I will say that I never got under 5 glasses, so that's not a miserable failure.

Read Bible daily:
6/7 - This is embarrassing, but Sunday is the day I missed.  Did the race thing and missed church, then did the parent thing in the afternoon.  No more Sunday races for me, until next year.  I really wanna do either the half or full marathon options that the race offers.  Its hilly, so the full scares me.  I should start with the half to get a feel for the hills right?  Then again I never do anything in its proper order.  Like now, I'm supposed to be talking about Bible reading not future marathon plans.

Jeremiah is getting easier to read, and I'm getting closer to the end.  Hurrah!  All that smiting is depressing.  Especially given the people keep going away from God - sounds suspiciously like me.  Only on paper is seems far more stupid.

3 Fruits & Veggies:
4/7 - It shouldn't be this difficult. I need to eat more veggies.  Period.  Hopefully gardening season will help with this.
Read 1 chapter a day (for fun):
7/7 on this one - woot! 

Exercise daily:
7/7 - only if shop-walking counts.  Hit 5 real exercise days then went shopping for hours on 2 other days.  Surely that counts.  Right???

Still an epic fail on the Lent thing - I forget to pray before most every meal and I've already had soda twice this week.  I'm so thankful for the grace of God!! 

Goal check!

Is that a hockey term?  I know nothing about hockey, but I swear I heard that phrase somewhere.  Oh well moving right along...

Time to check in on those goals.

Weight - the same as last week.  I'm making an executive decision to stop weighing.  Period.  The End.  While I know this may not always be true, but I've "capped out" on weight.  138 is the most I've ever weighed, no matter how sloppy my eating habits or how lazy I've gotten on the exercise front.   Its what I currently weigh. 

I seriously doubt that, excluding anything extreme, I'm going to gain more.  Its just how my body is.  The gain was steady until hit this point, then it didn't matter if I was running 30 miles in a week or barely doing anything, eating fast food or not.  It just stopped.

Don't mistake my attitude. I'm sure its possible to gain more than this, but I've spent all of 2011 at this weight, and the past 3 months have seen a lot of different sides of me.


If the Shrinking Jeans gals have to have a weight from me each week for the challenge then I'll just enter today's weight.  It will show a gain for the challenge (the challenge start weight was on a different scale), so that won't put me in danger of winning anything.

Read Bible daily - I hit this one 7/7 times this past week.  If I had to do well on a goal this is the one I'd have picked! (And did pick I suppose.)  Although I will admit to "phoning it in" on Monday, doing the bare minimum.  Had I phrased it "study the Bible" I wouldn't have been able to count Monday - it was a read through with little thought to practical application.

Beyond that I did well - I spent the other days studying my Sunday school lesson and the verses that went with it as well as knocking out the books of 1 & 2 Thessalonians on my "read the Bible in a year" plan.  The book of Jeremiah is a struggle for me, so I only read my chapters in it one day.

Exercise daily - This was a stretch for me to count it as 7/7.  6 out of 7 no question, but I counted tending the fire as my exercise for Sunday.  It is activity that takes a bit of strength and ump, especially walking out to the wood pile and carrying in wood.  Either way what does it matter - I'm the one grading this and I give myself an "S" for satisfactory.

Reading for fun - 5/7 on completion.  Then again if it has to be forced into my day, its not for fun is it?  I finished two books and started a third.  Definitely an "S" for this goal as well.

64 oz of Water - 4/7 for this goal.  The days I fell short I got 7, 6, and 5 cups.  Not an epic fail.  "Needs Improvement" on this one.  *Hides from Roo*

3 Veggies & Fruits - I'm leaving this for last in hopes you're just skimming.  I consistently got in 2, but on some days 3 was a stretch.  I don't think the green peppers, onions, and peperocinis on my pizza means I got my daily three.  But I could be wrong.

Lenten activities


No soda - fail. I got it on Sunday (I asked catholicDan - Sundays are celebrations & you're allowed to stop fasting for the day) and loved every minute. Was drunk on caffeine so while we were sitting in gawd awful tourist traffic I made my phone charger a mic and sang along with the radio. The cars around us thought I was crazy but I enjoyed it. Jay on the other hand, got frustrated w/traffic and flipped a dude off. See soda isn't all bad - Jay had water and was crabby. I had soda and was happy.

The fail was Monday when I purchased and drank half a bottle (10 oz). I did, however throw the rest away.

Praying before meals - Epic fail. I forget all the time. Sometimes it'll hit me half way through. Sometimes it escapes me completely. Pretty much the only time I do it is when Jay reminds me. He just likes to point out when Christians fail - he's obviously never heard the "He's still working on me..." song.

One thing that does frustrate me is that even though I was drinking at least one regular soda a day (sometimes more) I haven't lost weight since cutting them out. I'd say that's an easy 200 calories cut from my diet and none of it has show up on the scale. With numbers like that it'll make it hard to stay away from them after Easter.

How has your week gone? Hopefully its been one of moderation and success.

Also please pray for my parents: my dad is having shoulder surgery today.  Its not a big deal medically speaking, but his doctor said it was one of the more painful surgeries that were performed.  My dad's not big on pain so my mom needs just as much prayer as he does.

How can I pray for you this week?

Good Enough?

This has been a mixed up jumbled week.  I haven't completed an official workout in a week, I haven't tracked my calories in over 10 days, and I lost no weight this week.

The kicker?  I really don't care all that much. 

Ya see those things I haven't done?  Those were choices I made.  Deliberate choices.

Cleaning my house on Saturday?  Far more important than working out.  Helping my sister over the weekend?  That's getting the job done.  In light of the week's events "completed her food and exercise diary for XX/XX/20XX and was under her calorie goal" didn't even register on the radar.

Having lunch with the Princess and Little Man, followed by dinner & playing on the playground with them was far more rewarding than any training run could come close to being.

I'm going to apologize in advance for not being able to cheer you on commenting on your blogs this week.  I understand that many of you are on this journey so you can have those moments with your children and grandchildren.  I also understand (maybe more than anyone) how health and vanity get confused sometimes.

How'd I do on my goals?  While I had a salad most days, I averaged about 2 fruits/veggies a day (at least 3 was goal).  I moved every day, but Wednesday/Thursday were the only two days I actually "worked out". 

I did very well on my water - I drank as much water as possible without Jay fussing on me for having to take potty breaks on our road trips.

I hit the reading goals out of the park.   Practically every night I've read on my front porch swing.  For those days we were traveling I love reading while riding in the car.  Even exhausted at 11:30 at night, I got my Bible reading in. 

So while I'm up 1.4 pounds from last week, I'm happy with my life.  I'm blessed to have an incredible family.  I'm blessed that we're all in (mostly) good health.  My sister said a few days ago that it was surreal having her Grandparents extend their condolences for the passing of her husband's father. 

My BIL was headed home for a spring break visit when he got a call from his SIL.  The ambulance was at his parents house and they were trying to resessitate his father.  His flight couldn't be pushed up any more, and he arrived 2 hours before his father passed. 

I refuse to believe things like that are coincidence.

Also?  Through a conversation started by Twitter, God's hand of protection with my husband was revealed to have started from an early age.  His hemophillia diagnosis was late in coming, which meant he was never treated with human blood - including blood infected with HIV like many other hemophilliacs in that era.  He was, however, diagnosed just days before he was about to have surgery.  A surgery that would have quite possibly killed him since the doctors weren't aware of his bleeding disorder.

God's timing is always perfect, whether we realize it or not.

I guess knowing all of that, its hard for me to care that eating pizza and ice cream with my niece caused me the scale to rise. 

She's missing her father and sad about her Papa.  And I'm just enough for her, to provide her with comfort and a sense of security.

If I'm enough for her and the Little Man (& my husband & parents & grandparents & doctor), that's enough for me.

How You doin'?

I hope everyone is having a great week!  Mine's super busy with more to come, but you're not gonna here a complaint from me!  My sister and her kids are coming in this weekend and staying for a few days. 

We're dumping the kids with my parents and she & I will be having our first sister date in a long time.  I had suggested us doing a class at the gym then getting dinner and she thought that sounded like fun, but she's not sure she can handle an hour long class.  Crazy, since she gets up most every morning at 5:30 to work out before starting her day.  Yes, lack of confidence runs in our family.

The best way I've found to deal with a lack of confidence?  Beat it into submission.  Either with a great workout or a training plan that causes me to achieve great things.

Yesterday's weights class kicked my butt.  It was a class designed for more advanced people and I felt awkward and out of place.  There were moves that I couldn't do.  I don't mean couldn't do well.  Couldn't do at all.

Have you ever put a body bar on the end of a step, done a push up and while in the "down" position pulled your right knee to your right elbow?  Me either, but I was surrounded by ladies who were performing this move like it was nothing.  I couldn't even do a modified push up for this, because it makes the knee/elbow move awkward.

I got really down on myself. I kept looking into the workout mirror and seeing that circus freak from a couple years ago.  Remember me telling you about her - she looked like she was a magicians "sawed in half" trick gone wrong?  I tried to "fix" her by losing 15 pounds but she was still there just smaller and less obvious.

Before going down that road for too long (I allowed myself to stay on it for the rest of the class) I decided to jump off that path and choose a different one.

I'm a triathlete.

I'm a marathoner.

I'm a daughter of the King.

And gosh darn it people like me!

Those aren't things you can say about a fat, weak, pathetic loser. 

Taking a look at my goals for the previous week you couldn't say that about me either.  No, I'm not a loser in the weight department either, but that's okay too.  I tried to do each of the following this past week:

Read my Bible daily

Did this 7/7 days.  Some days were just a few verses studying my Sunday school lesson.  Other days included doing my chapter reading for my read the Bible through in a two years plan.

30 Minutes Daily Reading
Recreational Reading - At least 1 chapter a day

30 minutes is asking a lot, considering I only have 4 hours from the time I get home from work until the time I go to bed to fix/eat/clean up dinner, do chores, and have time to decompress with my darling love.  I've changed the goal to make it more realistic

64 oz Water Daily

I met this goal 6/7 days (only getting in 56 oz on the 7th day).  Two days I actually reached 80 oz!  I've also committed to not drinking any of the water drink mixes with aspartame.  I have a few left over, but once those are gone I'm not buying more.  The kind with stevia are a little more expensive, but worth it health wise in the long run.

Eat 3 or more Fruits & Veggies

Hit this 4/7 days.  This is really a struggle for me, but that just means I made a good choice in making it a goal.  The "miss" days were days I ate out for lunch (two planned, one unplanned).  One thing I'd like to start doing is eating less on planned eating out days.  I normally skip morning and afternoon snack on those days so that I'll have more calories for lunch.  Instead I think I should keep those calories and just order less when I go out.

Exercise

I hit this one every day, although some days were less intense than others.  Saturday I just completed the push ups, but I'm good with that.  I spent the rest of my day cleaning and my evening enjoying time with my parents and grandparents. 

I did so well with these goals, I'm wondering if they'll be mastered well before this challenge is over.  If so I'd like to up the ante, but I don't think its quite time for that yet.  Looking forward to another week of it!



As for my Lent give up/add plan?  Its not going so hot.  I caved last Thursday to the headache/fatigue and had a coke (with my burger and fries).  Since then though I've not had a single carbonated beverages, with the headache to prove it. 

That's 6 days!! 

To you that might not seem like a lot, but that's better than I've done in the past.  The fatigue has mostly gone away, which makes it a lot easier. 

Praying before every meal?  The only time this has occurred as it should have was last night over dinner, when our hostess asked if it was okay if her husband prayed before we ate.  God is good!  Earlier in the afternoon I was worried about my solo prayer being awkward. 

Most of the time I get half way through and remember.  Or get all the way through and remember.  The important part is that I'm pausing to give thanks.  Even if the food is already in my bell.

So how you doin' this week?  If you are observing Lent, are you struggling?  Those of you shrinkers how are things treating you?

March Goals (Spilling into April)

Yeah, yeah.  I know that the month started last week.  I was in paradise, so I didn't exactly sit down with a pen and paper on my hike through the bamboo forest to write down my goals.  I'm back in the swing of things now, so in conjunction with the Spring In2 Action challenge and weekly check in I wanted to share my goals with yall.



Give me a moment to crack open my handy dandy notebook.  Stop laughing at me.  Yes, I have an eating chart as well as a daily goal chart printed from a Publisher file and bound in a 1 inch white binder.  Yes I am a nerd.  Deal with it!

• 64 oz of water daily.
• 3 fruits/veggies per day
• Exercise at least 15 minutes per day
• Read Bible daily
• Read book of my choice 30 minutes daily

I know I've read it a million times, but I'm going to have to research portions as to what counts as a serving of veggies.  Also I've decided too subtract one thing and add one thing to my life for Lent.  (Today is Ash Wednesday.)

I'm going to abstain from drinking carbonated beverages for the next 40 days.  Yall know that I've tried this before to no avail.  This time I've got better motivation.  Instead of focusing on my deprivation, I'm going to focus on the cross of Calvary and the coming Easter season.  Whenever I encounter a craving for coke, I've resolved to pray for those who have no clean drinking water.

Also?  I've decided for the next 40 days I'm going to pray before every meal.  I've been incredibly bless - God has provided our daily bread and then some.  I should have an attitude of gratitude, and I don't.  I need to set aside time to thank Him for that.  To thank Him for our good health as a family. 

I have decided that I'll be calorie counting (just for some structure - please see my printed off goal chart as proof that I crave structure) and weighing in every Wednesday, but I don't want to share that number here.  I want it to be a tool, but not my focus.

I feel like I'm off to a great start - now just to keep it up!  Can't let Ashley (my fellow Dare Devil Diva) down! I refuse to call us the Triple Ds cause that's just false advertising!!

How's you're week going?  Are you observing lent?  What goals (be it fitness, financial, or otherwise) do you hope to reach this month?

Fighting perfectionism

For those of you visiting from the Sisterhood, I'll warn you right now this won't be your typical Weigh-in Wednesday post.  There have been a lot of things clanging around in my head this week, especially this morning.

To understand what's going on up there, I need to introduce you to myself.

See the one with the scraggly beard and the knife?  See where Jesus has to clean up the mess and reattach that dude's ear from where one of His crazy followers cut it off?  Yeah that's me.  (The chop-er not the chop-ee)

In my head I know the way things should go.  I have everything in neat orderly columns and expect them to stay there.  When things don't go the way I think they ought, I lash out.  Maybe violently, throwing something across the room or hitting something (never someone I promise!).  Sometimes its just with words, saying hurtful nasty things that no one deserves to hear.

Then after that initial surge of adrenaline, I run.  I try to distance myself, pretend it doesn't exist.  Pretend my Savior isn't getting beaten before my eyes.

After that comes the sorrow.  The total and utter humiliation for what I've just done.  I'm exhausted - for nothing.  Things are the exact same as they would have been had I not ever flown off the handle.

Peter (Jesus ministry Peter, not the post-ascension Peter) is so me, that when I first watch Passion of the Christ I sobbed uncontrollably.  Not at the beatings, at the nail being driven in, or the bloody mess that the sin of the world turned Jesus into. 

I cried like a baby that moment (in the video up top) where Peter denies Jesus 3 times.  After the 3rd time, Jesus looks at Peter - and Peter doesn't know what to do with himself.  He's overcome with grief.  (Minute 3:09-3:24 of the video)

And so was I.

What does this have to do with weight loss?  Maybe nothing.  Maybe everything.

Here are the facts.  I'm a hard core perfectionist.  Following the rules helped me to lose 15 pounds.  Obsession with the rules became my god.  Realization of that caused me to abandon everything I know about healthy living.

Leaving me sitting here currently wearing those 15 pounds I lost at the beginning of this cycle.

I want to honor God with my thoughts and actions.  I want to lose at least 10 of those pounds again.  I want to respect the body that He's given me.  I want to get back into my skinny jeans.  I doubt He wants all those things for me, but I'm just trying to be brutally honest here.

Where does that leave me? 

I really do think tracking my calories is important.  I've proven that not tracking only leads me down the fast food/junk food path. 

I also think that I need to stop being obsessed with the 0.4 or whatever I gain/lose from one week to the next. 

Please hold me accountable.  When you see me start going off my own direction - call me out on it.  "Peter is that what you should be doing?"  When you see me start focusing too much on my looks - throw up a road block for me.  Help me remember, even chubby, what wonderful things my body has done.

So I guess that's it.  No scale for me.  (Hold me!!)  Smart food choices.  Easy right?

I'm terrified.

Update: I'm a Planner

Thanks for all your comments on my check-in post.

For all you mommy-types out there, I promise I'll get blood work done if this keeps up.  I'm pretty sure its just my body's super awesome-never-get-sick version of a cold or something.  Give me a week and we'll chat again m'kay?

One thing I love so much about always training, is that I have a plan.  I crave structure and order.  I have a nervous breakdown using profanity am not happy without it.

So you see while I'm enjoying the freedom that not having a plan is giving me, I'm also sorta lost.  Same with eating.  I love the freedom of not tracking, but then I sorta feel like I'm floating around without an anchor.

I think I need a plan.  A quasi-tracking system.  Put anything into an excel spreadsheet and its fun for me.  I'm going to create a checklist and put it in a folder or something, but I need ideas!

My goals for the month so far included:

• Read at least 1 chapter of the Bible daily and reflect on its practical application in my journal.
• Do at least one thing to actively show my love to my darling love hubby.
• Read at least 1 chapter in a book (either fiction or non-fiction, ebooks included).
• Beginning today as day 1, go day by day through the Love Dare.

But, as you can see, those goals are light on fitness & healthy living habits.  Help a girl out!  What else would you suggest?

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon from Smart + Strong = Sexy, any purchase you make supports this site.

Power of One Check-in Time!

Let's go ahead and get the numbers thing out of the way.

Challenge start: 137

Last week: 136
This week: 137.6


 
On the exercise front, I went almost an entire week without exercising.  The morning of my mom's surgery (last Monday) I did the Shred (level).  Then Tuesday I went to stay with her after work, and Wednesday I took her to the doctor and we hung out all day.  Blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.  One thing after another happened until it was the next Monday and I'd gone 6 days without a single workout.
 
Thankfully it was a gorgeous day and I got outside for a walk.  Then I did the same yesterday.  And today I have a lunch date with a friend for spin class. 
 
I promised myself that after the marathon I would give myself 2 months to just exercise, not train.  I'm trying to make the most of it.  Sure walking isn't the most challenging exercise I've ever done, but I enjoy it.  Especially on a warm, sunny day. 
 
That freedom also gives me the opportunity to participate in this years Olympic games.  I've already signed up for quite a few of the challenges.  I hope to medal in at least one activity in the next week an a half, but I don't really have high hopes for myself over all.

If you haven't already, don't forget to check out all the different challenges you can participate in for the Sisterhood Olympics!  I'm trying to put together a team for the 4 mile relay.  I'm looking for 3 other people to join me, then each of us will take 1 mile.  Let me know in the comments if you're interested.

Okay that's all the standard stuff.  Most of which was typed up yesterday.

So now let's get to the heart of it.

*Sigh*

I knew I hadn't lossed this week.  I knew that I'd probably gain.  I was okay with that.  Looking back, I can't point to one thing I wish I hadn't eaten.  One indulgence that I would have put back.

Maybe a bit more movement would have helped, but I'm really not disappointed in myself for that either.

I was fine with all of it until this morning.  When I got dressed knowing that I was going to get on the scale.  Knowing that I wasn't going to like what it had to say.

The logical answer is don't weigh.  I know that.  But I also know that the last time I chose that route, I gained 10 pounds.  I can't gain 10 pounds from this point - I'm already at my highest recorded weight.

Then again I'm tired.  Have been tired all week.  I don't know if I'm trying to fight a bug off or something, but I fell asleep at 8:30 last night.  I just couldn't keep my head up any more.

With his wife asleep early and having total control of the TV what does my husband choose to watch?  A CNBC special about some investment fraud scandal.

We're a wild and crazy bunch I'll tell ya!

Back to the point of all this.  (There is a point right?)  When my alarm went off 10 hours later I was still exhausted and had to drag myself out of be.  I'm tired.  So maybe my moodiness re: my weight is just a byproduct of feeling physically drained.

Before you say it - no I'm not pregnant.  I promise. 

I'm going to try to not read too much into it.  Not binge because I'm depressed.  Not run to manic exercise to try and burn extra calories.  I'm gonna try to let it ride, but its not gonna be easy.

Hopefully you had a more productive week than I did.  I'll be visiting to see how you did shortly!

Challenge start: 137
Last week: 138
This week: 136

Woohoo!!  Okay that weight was yesterday.  Before we did our "last supper" at lunch before my preggo friend goes off to have her baby.  Before I spent the night with my parents to take my mom to her follow up appointment today.

But that means it can be done. 

And I didn't really try that hard.  (Anyone from twitter remember the 6 cinnamon rolls for breakfast Saturday morning?)  Just a couple of days of thinking about what I eat before I put it in my mouth.

The My Fitness Pal web site likes to say "if every day were like today you'd weigh X pounds in 5 weeks." Jay thought that was one of your twitter handles and said it was rude of you to say that I'd break the 140 mark if every day were like Saturday.

Thankfully Sunday and Monday were much better.

Tuesday not so much.

But then today we just sorta ate as the mood struck us.  Which for my mom 2 days post surgery, wasn't a lot.  I was cozy with my book and watching movies with her, so I didn't get up much.  A little for lunch and just a little for snack along the way.

Had I tracked yesterday MFP would have probably said "if every day were like today you'd way 400 pounds in 5 weeks."  Today will be more like "you'd way 100 pounds in 5 weeks."  Not trying to compensate, that's just the way things worked. 

Although I am starving waiting on Jay to get home so we can eat dinner.

Power of One Week #4

How long is this challenge?  Cause I ain't movin much of any where and need to get my act in gear!  I've been out of the losing game for so long I guess I forgot how it works.



Oh yeah, well not this week - maybe next week!?!

Challenge start: 137
Last week: 137.2
This week: 138

What's up with me?  I'm so hungry from all my mileage.  No, that can't be right.  I logged a grand total of 8 miles last week.

I'm so tired from getting my runs in.  Erm...didn't run at all last week.  Haven't since the marathon actually.
I don't know how to "do" moderation.  And doing what I know makes me lose weight terrifies me.

I really don't know what to do with that.  I mean obsession and moderation are my only 2 weight loss choices, and I don't see either as a viable working plan for me. 

I considered "doing" South Beach.  It was even recommended by my Dad's doctor (we are both hypogluacemic)  but Intuitive Eating principals are still in my head.  Carbs aren't bad.  No food is.  I'm not even bad for enjoying a Pizza Hut double punch Monday buffet + Pepsi with friends.  Probably not the smartest choice for my body, but it doesn't make me a bad person.
Really, so what if I'm chubby?  I'm back to my former size 2 top, size 8 pants circus freak proportions.  Is that such a horrible thing??

Jay and I watched The Devil Wears Prada the other night.  Later I commented to friends that the movie was meh:

was insulted by the "size 6 is the new 14", but even more insulted that they wanted us to believe that ann hathaway was a size 6.

I was surprised and taken aback for a moment when I got the following response:

Or that size 6 and below is a good thing to shoot for. Feh.

It got me thinking, what did a size 4 get me?  Did I get the mortgage on my house paid off?  Did it take me to Europe and to Australia?  Did it bring my husband closer to the Lord?

None of those things happened.  Those things on my bucket list that I supposedly want more than anything occured.

So what was the point?

I'm not saying I'm giving up.  Or that I'm meant to be this size.  I just don't know where all of this leaves me.

I said once that even if I gained all my weight back, the journey was worth it because I found my love of running and how great I felt when I exercised.  Well that's me right now.

I'm going to be participating in a challenge issued by April.   A mile a day for 100 days.  Some days (like today in spin class) that will be easy peasy.  Other days (like on the weekends) I'm sure I'll really struggle.  But it'll be good for me.

In other news:
If you get a second Take a moment to head over to RR Mama's play ground.  She's looking for a bit of accountability and I have just the friends to help her! (Also, she thinks I'm cool.  So I'm kinda partial to her.)

Power of One Check in

Challenge start: 137
Last week: 136.2
This week: 137.8

Oops, forgot to take my Walt Disney World Marathon medal off!

This week: 137.2.

I gained a pound this week.  Boo freakin hoo.  I also ran 26.2 miles on Sunday.  Add to that my eating was thrown off by the travel to and from Florida.  And the ramen noodles I made last night when I was too lazy to cook a real dinner.  I'm not at all concerned about the gain. 

Now that I'm done with the training causing me to burn a million calories a week (and making me hungry enough to consume 2 million calories a week) I'm going to just try to make sensible choices and see where that takes me.

Check out my race report.  I split it up in 3 sections, but they all connect back into one another.  Thanks again for all your support leading up to and after the race!!  A special thanks to Audrey for waving those pom-pons for us at the finish line! and to Bari for chatting with me through the half way point.