Monster

(I normally don't post blogs both places, but I know some of my followers here haven't made the leap to the new blog yet.  I feel like this topic warrants a double post.)

A couple of weeks ago, I scheduled a doctor's appointment but felt uneasy about it. I've been having issues for the past few months, but wasn't confident that my doctor (who I love and think is fabulous) could really help. That particular Monday was an especially bad day, leading me to finally break down and call the doctor.

My appointment was scheduled for 8:30 the next day. I don't know how it works with your doctor, but appointments are never obtained that quickly with mine unless there is bodily fluid oozing out of an orifice.

In the waiting room, I was the first patient to be called back - despite the fact that others were there before me. The normal nurse was out for the day, and the fill-in chatted me up, helping take the edge off my nerves.

Then it was my turn with the doctor. I told her my WebMD diagnosis and waited for her to agree with me. Instead she asked my symptoms. I twisted my hands as I explained my problems have been more intense the past few months, but I suppose they’ve been around for a while now.

Family history was then discussed. I always knew it was a problem most of my family had, but I had never considered it to be significant enough to mention to the doctor. After only providing 3 examples, she interrupted. 
Please continue reading at the original posting site...

We have a winner! & Random profound thoughts

What to do: make you sit through my random thoughts or go ahead and get the give away stuff over with???  hmmm...

hurrah the pictures are working!!  now look at the pictures and read along with yesterday's post to humor me.  mkay?

yall are too good to me!

i was so proud to have pictures to go with my random blog and incredibly bummed when they didn't work!

Okay so now that I've gotten that out of the way - time to give away a book about s-e-x!!  Into the candy jar every one's names go...okay not that one, its still dirty.  Eww!!

I'm stirring them up good I promise!!

And the winner is...Amy!!!  Expect an email from me shortly.  Congrats.

Okay, now on to my ramblings.  Hmm...what was I going to say?  I remember it being quite deep and thought provoking.

Speaking of, Marla (the author of said book about s-e-x), is having an interesting discussion on her blog today.  Actually I think I'll just copy/paste my comment.  (Subject being saving for the future vs giving it all to benefit the kingdom now.)

i have mixed thoughts on this subject. In some ways saving is important, even spiritually. This is a lame example but its the best I have so it’ll have to do. I’ve gained and lost 15 pounds and fluctuated 3 sizes. I held on to the different sizes not knowing where I was supposed to be.


then one day God spoke (he borrows the voices that are already in my head – he’s the one that suggests things that i don’t wanna do ) to me and said “give them up.”


me: what if i need them again?
God: you were able to get those, you can get more.
me: but I don’t wanna!

in the end i boxed them up and took them to a yard sale. there was a girl there (who i knew previously) who needed them, but she also needed to talk to someone who understood. she was less monetarily poor and more poor emotionally.


had i never purchased those pants, or gave them away too quickly I would have missed this appointment God had set for me.


God didn’t want me to just drop my pants off at the local thrift store. He wanted *that* moment.


I don’t think having stuff is necessarily wrong, but we must understand that they (or it if we’re talking money) isn’t ours. And if someone asks us for all of our size 8 pants we ask if they needs skirts too.


I just hope that in asking me to give away my 8s He allows me to fit into my 6s

Unfortunately I don't think my heart is always that open, my mind in communication to God.  I want to get there again.  Stay there this time. 

I know I've said this before, but God has incredible things in store for my life if only I'm willing to unclench my fist long enough for Him to give it to me!

Book Review - Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World

Living with Confidence in a Chaotic World is Dr. David Jeremiah’s follow up to What in the World is Going on? While his first book is (obviously) a “what” book, Confidence is more of a how book. Dr. Jeremiah lays out a plan of action regarding how Christians should react to the trouble times we are living in.



I struggled with this title. I’ve had the book for several months, yet I just finished it this week – reading it off and on over the course of the months I’ve had the book. For me it was difficult to really engage and get into the book. That’s probably more my fault than the author’s. This title was chosen because the author is well respected, but its not a subject I’m terribly interested in. I’m more of head-in-the-sand kinda girl.


His points were clearly laid out, and someone interested in world affairs might find the selection impossible to put down.






Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com http://BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclosure #2: Amazon Associate links were included in this post.  If you should click through and purchase this book thanks to my glowing review, this site may be compensated.

Lukewarm

Trust.

Love.

Confidence.

Devotion.

Contentment.

These are all things that should describe my life.  That do describe my life to one extent or another, but not the way they should. 

I've been ingesting a lot of non-fiction lately.  Most in the form of audio books so I'm not sure it could be considered "reading".  Not really self help, but not exactly Bible study commentaries either.  Books about spiritual topics, no doubt, but more of a "How to live well" theme based heavily in Biblical principle. 

My currently title of choice is Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  Its along similar lines of Radical by David Platt.  The bottom line is that the church in America has gone off course.  We - the church - don't understand what it means to be followers of Christ.

When asked for a bare bones gospel - Jesus was able to reduce it all to 2 sentences:

1) Love God.
2) Love your neighbor.

Where in that does it say "love yourself?"  Why are we, as a culture, so caught up in ourselves?  I'm not saying we should insult or hate ourselves.  No where in scripture does Jesus put Himself down or encourage others to do likewise. 

I'm just starting to realize that maybe starting with trying to love ourselves isn't the best tactic.  I know that's not a popular idea in the age of everyone borrowing the airlines "put on your own masked before helping others" line.  Somehow we made the analogy that that pricey nail polish = oxygen for our souls.

For those who don't believe, loving God isn't exactly applicable.  (Although one of the points Chan makes is that God appreciates those who don't pretend to believe far more than those of us who give Him lip service but don't follow through with our actions.) 

Loving our neighbor, however, is universal. 

Do you think Mother Teresa had "fat" days?  Do you think she looked in the mirror and did daily affirmations so that the size of her thighs didn't bother her?

What about Florence Nightingale?  How often do you think she worried about getting a mani/pedi?  Or struggled to fit into her skinny jeans?

Or if Lottie Moon ever broke down macronutrients

Sure those are ridiculous examples.  Because we, as a nation/generation are ridiculous.  Sure Ms. Moon weighed 50 pounds as an adult woman, but not because of any diet plan.  Unable to bear the suffering of others, she gave away her money/rations so that others might be have the nutrition they needed.

How great would I feel about myself if at the end of the day I know I've given all I've had to help others?  Wouldn't my pant size start to matter less and less, as I poured myself into the lives of others, making sure to meet their needs? 

In light of a world full of starving people my "McDonalds vs Brown Bag" debate seems trivial.   Sinful even. 

People are dying every day.  The battles of eating disorders and suicide plague our nation while starvation and poverty over take others.    All are tragic.  All are unacceptable.

I don't have the power to change the world, but I can change someone's world.

But first, I have to stop this obession that causes me to focus on myself.

Lord forgive me!  Turn my focus from myself and toward you.  Help me to love you with the depths of my heart and to share that love with those around me hurting.  Amen.

One of these days...

...I'm gonna learn to stop volunteering for things.  Until then, yall get to be my guinea pigs.

Two Sundays ago, they ask if someone in our Bible study class would be willing to give their testimony this coming Sunday (just to the class - about 20ish people).  Everyone just sat there starring at the Sunday School director like he was an alien, so I volunteered.

I'm still not sure exactly what I'm going to say, so I thought I'd babble a bit here just to see what it sounds like.

Here goes...

I was saved at the age of 8.  My family and I were sitting at home on a Sunday evening watching Dolly Parton's variety show.  I don't remember anything specifically about the show.  Nothing spiritual that got my mind working.

I just remember feeling an emptiness all of a sudden.  I didn't understand it, but I knew it had something to do with my need for God.  I told my mother and we knelt by my bed to pray the sinner's prayer, then she called our pastor to let him know & to get me on the baptism schedule.

I wish I could say that was the end of it.   That when I was saved from my sins at an early age I was also saved from a life of rebellion.

That's just not the case.

In my mid twenties I had a quarter life crisis.  Seems silly, but I didn't like where I was in life and I blamed God's timing for it all.  "I'll show Him." I thought, and went off on my own. 

I was the prodigal son, squandering the riches my Father had gave me.    I caused jmyself heartache after heartache, yet stubbornly refused to give up. 

(Here's the part where I would talk about marrying an unbeliever, and how even though I've been restored, my choice still causes me moments of pain.  But Jay goes to church with  me some and its not my place to discuss his faith with them.  Also its hard to explain how I can be so madly in love with my husband yet still regret that he's not a believer.)

Unlike the parable, God came after me. 

Last summer God took away my beloved.  In my quest for happiness and contentment I had began to worship myself.  Dieting and losing that extra pound became my focus.  Training, achieving that next thing, doing it fast than before had become my god.

Thanks to some random blood work I was diagnosed with anemia and with one flick God knocked down the world I had built for myself.

It sounds terribly superficial.  It was terribly superficial.

I felt like I had lost it all.  "But God..." those beautiful words from the Bible.  But God was there to pick me up.  He showed me how silly and meaningless my gods were.  Reminded me how incredible He is. 

Slowly, I'm learning to turn back to Him.  There are certainly those moments where I bow to the god of the mirror, but like the song says "He's still workin' on me." 

Finding Prince Charming

With all the talk of the Royal Wedding last week, I was reminded of my own wedding.  Like Wills & Kate - my husband and I were photographed by strangers upon leaving the church.

Unlike Wills & Kate - the people taking our picture had no clue who we were.  They were just driving around the Cades Cove Loop and caught a glimpse of a gorgeous couple leaving the old timey church.

We didn't have millions of dollars at our disposal for decorations, but my Father (the King of Kings) made sure the leaves surrounding the church were at their peak - despite it being a couple weeks past their typical prime.

There was much drama and anticipation leading up to the wedding as well.  Blinding flash bulbs created a traffic jam making me late to the church.  Of course they weren't taking pictures of me at that point, but rather the bear and cubs along the side of the road.

Causing my father (the earthly one this time) to scream out the window "If you wanna see a bear go to the damn zoo!"  Shortly before my mother made him slow down so that we, too, could get a picture of the bears.

My dress wasn't anything special.  No figurines (that I know of at least) have been made of me in the dress.  It was even on sale - an old sample altered to fit my body.  The fact that it cost less than a lot of prom dresses, looked great on my figure, and fit the look of the church made it perfectly special to me.

I had no official ladies in waiting to attend to me and carry my train (after all it wasn't all that long), but some incredible women step up when we realized we'd forgotten the pesky little "who's gonna cut the cake" detail. 

I also had 3 incredible women by my side through it all.  Heck I even had a Princess in my bridal party!

Sometimes life is hard. The real world reaches up and smacks us in the face.  Or throws us a curve ball.

Its nice knowing that at the end of the day, I get to go home to a great guy.  He may not always understand my quirks, but he loves me.  His quirks may frustrate the dickens out of me, but I can gaze into his eyes and see his love for me.

Also?  Its nice knowing that we've got a great support system standing behind us.  With divorce so common these days, we found ourselves being the only couple we knew who had both sets of parents still happily married.

One day soon - I have to tell yall the story of the father/daughter dance.  Along with the one about the grass from the grassy knoll.  Let's just say I'm not winning any "daughter of the century" awards. 

What was the most memorable (and fun) part of your wedding??

Mantra Monday - Accept Nothing Less Than The Best

Okay before you think I've died and gone to perfectionist hell, let me clarify my mantra this week.





I will accept nothing less than my best effort for house work.

Right or wrong, a dirty house stresses me out.  However when I get in that cleaning superstar mood?  I'm able to clean the house thoroughly in almost no time.  10 minutes spent properly sorting the mail is well worth it in the long run.  Also?  Clean sheets are their own reward.

I will accept nothing less than my best in workouts.

I took last week off.  Well unless you count walking, which I don't.  If I can do it and not workup a sweat it hardly seems like exercise.  I needed a few days to let my blisters heal, but then I took a few extra because my pride was hurt. 

As a result I carried around extra stress and sadness that I didn't deserve.  A quick run or a good weights class would have fixed that quickly, yet I chose to wallow.  Nothing good ever comes from wallowing.

This morning I got up early and got my first run in over a week marked in the books.  It felt great.  I may crash come 8:30 tonight but emotionally I feel great.  Also?  My pace wasn't too far off my 5K PR.  I think I've finally taken the "I'm just slow" stamp off my forehead.

I hope that means great things for the upcoming 5K I'm registered for, but since my training hasn't been what I would have liked I'm fairly certain I won't be getting the sub 30 min time I wanted.  I'm okay with that because quite frankly I haven't earned it.

I will feed my body nothing but the best.

This is not a call for strict calorie counting.  I'm not in a place to deal with that right now, and I'm honestly glad that's the case.  This weekend was a hard one, busy every moment practically with very little time to consider good food options.  My energy has suffered as a result, as well as just overall giving me a blah feeling.

Does that mean I won't enjoy the bag of twizzlers I bought this weekend that my sister promised me she'd help me eat then left w/o her fair share?  Of course I'm going to partake and enjoy, but I'm not downing the whole bag.  In one day at least.  :P

I will give my family nothing but the best of time I can spend with them.

The people I love most in this world deserve to get more than my crankiness and hatefulness.  Although I maintain I was right when I told Mother she needed Jesus.  She'd obviously left Him at home the day we met for lunch.

God gave up The Best (Jesus) for sad little sinful people like me - He deserves my best daily.

Despite my rotten mood last week, I was able to read and glean knowledge from a book I was reading.  While my best is like filthy rags compared to the righteousness of the Lord, Easter proves that He can take the worst scenario possible and turn it into something beautiful.

"Max on Life" by Max Lucado - Book Review

I love a good book review - especially when it allows me to catch a sneak preview of the new Max Lucado book.  This time Max on Life was the selected volume.

Unlike his typical "Max on a topic" books, this work isn't a straight read.  Instead of chapters of God's truth flowing from page to page, Max on Life answer direct questions from readers - one page at a time.  These answers aren’t just Lucado’s opinion on spiritual topics, but rather a topical look into the scripture for answers.

While I love Lucado’s writing style, this book was a little difficult to get into.  The 1-2 page discussions made this, not a book readers pick up and devour, but rather one to be selectively studied and considered. 

The book is divided by question topic, making it easier for the reader to find the precise subject that (s)he is looking for.  His responses are thoughtful and insightful.  While many of the questions are ones most every believer has heard (or wondered) before, the answers aren’t the trite “Sunday school” answers we’ve all heard before. 

To answer one question, Lucado in some places sites a variety of scripture.  This gave me confidence that rather than cherry picking verses to suit his own personal opinion, the author thoroughly studied scripture and pondered the question before responding.

I would recommend this book to anyone with questions about the Bible and its application for today.  It’s also good for those who don’t have time to read a “chapter book” as my niece calls them.  Its short response gives it more a magazine type feel – readers can pick up and put down this book at their leisure.

D
isclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com http://BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”


also?

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon from Smart + Strong = Sexy, any purchase you make supports this site.

"Final Summit" Book Review

First off - if you love to read and have a blog - have you joined Book Sneeze yet?  Its an excellent way to get free books, as well as get to read some stuff before its even released yet.  Now for the review...

The Final Summit by Andy Andrews is a sequel to The Traveler’s Gift.  This time the main character, David Ponder, joins his fellow travelers – some that he met in the previous journey as well as others he meets for the first time – for a summit to save humanity.  The world is in trouble and it’s the travelers’ job to come up with the two word solution that will put the world right.

I wasn’t a huge fan of the first part of the book. Partly due to confusion having never read the first story, but partly because the character sketch seemed so closely based on the life of Dave Ramsey (even sharing a first name) his character felt cheap.

As the story progressed, I began to see David for the hero that he is. I also enjoyed the history lesson provided in meeting the travelers. Many were people we are familiar with from times past. We’re also introduced to someone who is just as historical as the other characters, yet certainly not as well known. My history teacher sister had never heard of him!


Just like Andrews’ other books, it was an easy read. Light reading, without being inconsequential. Andrews writes fiction that doesn’t beat the reader over the head to teach a lesson, but valuable lessons are learned in the process.


I very much enjoyed this read.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com http://BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”


also?

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon from Smart + Strong = Sexy, any purchase you make supports this site.

/stuffy legal disclosures

Service - Part 2; AKA Conversations with God

Transparency.

No, not that clear piece of paper that the teacher put on the over head projector as she taught your geometry class.

(Did I just date myself?)

Truth in blogging.

How open are you?  Is that even part of your bloggy business model (or purpose statement - whatever you want to call it)?

I try to be honest with yall.  Probably sometimes too much so.  I want to put it all out there and maybe sometimes "it all" doesn't belong any where but the depths of my heart.

Honestly?  I appreciate all your comments on my blog on Friday.  This is something I've struggled with a lot.  I'll admit to getting excited about web stuff when talking to it about Jay.  Then when I emailed the pastor and he sort of brushed it off I was hurt. 

I'm not the boldest person.

I'll wait for you to work through your shock.

Still waiting.

Okay let's resume.  I don't have the confidence to push any harder than a casual mention.  And that casual mention was casually put to the side.  So its a no-go on the web stuff.

Here's where the brutal honesty comes in.  Praying about it?  Not high on my list.  I mean I did once, and then the Financial Peace University thing came up and I spoke to the church as a mini-commercial.  I haven't really been asked to help beyond that though.

Yesterday driving home from my parents I turn off the radio and had a chat with God.  I won't bore you of the details (basically Him just reminding me I chose my main ministry when I chose my husband), but I did open up a dialogue that I hope continues. 

I won't say that I think the only place a woman should serve is in her home, but it is an important place to minister.  Whether its to our husbands or children, we serve God when we cook dinner for our families.  We are serving Him when we take them a cold beverage as they are working hard outside in the heat.  (This one is for hubbies only - I think its a violation of child labor laws to make kids do that while you stay inside.)

Am I still looking looking for an outside place to minister?  Sure. 

In the process I hope to learn more about praying and then being silent, waiting for an answer.  That's the tricky part of prayer isn't it? 

“Be still, and know that I am God"

I'm not so good at that, but maybe through my seeking, its something He'll help me get better at.

Finding My Place

Had an interesting discussion with my mom today at lunch.  While our place in life couldn't more different we're both experiencing similar issues in regards to our roles in church.

I started attending my current church shortly after Jay and I got married.  He didn't like the mega church I attended with my parents.  We then moved to my grandparents church, but I didn't like it there.  It was an old people church and it felt stale to me. 

We started going to our current church because a friend of Jay's went there.  I love it.  I feel like I'm growing and being challenged in Sunday school.  The preacher is fresh (a few years) out of seminary and is on fire for God.  I love it.

However, I just don't belong.  I'm the only non-mommy in the Sunday school class (and I'm in the 20s class instead of the 30s class I should probably graduate to).   Most of the women are teachers.  When we have social events I struggle to find a conversation topic that wouldn't bore one (or all) of us to tears.

Service?  That's another way I'm struggling.  They constantly need nursery help.  I'm 30 and have no children.  Its safe to say that kids just aren't my thing.  So when I asked the Pastor what was left in our church for a woman that didn't like kids, it seemed as if we hit a dead end.

He mentioned an idea for ministry and said I should get with another girl in my class about it - they had previously discussed it and I might be able to help in it?

When I received her email I was even more discouraged.  She was looking for people to bake cookies.

Its a great idea - fresh baked cookies on the door step of all first time visitors.  Very thoughtful.  Very "we care".   Totally not me.

Jay and I discussed my gifts and talents.  So I emailed the pastor and told him I had web maintenance skills as well as having just read a great book about online ministry.  Unfortunately the church doesn't have a twitter, facebook, or web page.   Another dead end.

I'm at a loss.  I know that my personality and skill sets are useful, but I'm getting so frustrated trying to figure out how to use them. 

Which of course led to a conversation between my mom and I about the state of the church today.  I get frustrated because I feel I'm too...I don't know..."modern" seems like a flaky word, but I'm at a loss for another one.  I'm not the have babies and bake cookies type.

But then when I look at churches that are purposefully modern, I get frustrated with that too.  How is serving coffee before church service going to further the kingdom?  It just feels like they do things for the sake of being trendy. 

What's left for me?  I want to further God's kingdom.  I want to do things with purpose and meaning.  I want to reach the world for him. 

So why does that always come back to cookies and coffee?

Please - anyone with ideas on how I could serve, I'd love to hear them in the comments section.  A friend suggested I find a ministry that was based on Christian principles that might not be associated with a specific church.  I'm open to ideas.

Living for God is hard, yo. 



Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon from Smart + Strong = Sexy, any purchase you make supports this site.

Barefoot Blogging

I love shoes.

I have so many shoes I should be too embarrassed to ever buy another pair, but truth be told I found a pair of black boots on sale for $14.99 yesterday and just couldn't resist.  After all with my chub + runners calves knee boots that fit are hard to come by.  Cute size 9 shoes are hard to come by. 

It was as if God dropped them into my lap.

Or something like that.  (Or nothing at all like that.)

A glimpse into my closet shoes you that I have far more shoes than any one person needs.  No, the camera couldn't pan all the way to the top.  There are a couple more rows of fancy dress shoes up top.  No, those aren't the only shoe racks in my closet.

Almost sinful isn't it?

Especially considering there are people who'd love one pair of shoes. 

Today is the One Day Without Shoes day.  Unfortunately OSHA and my employer wouldn't allow me to go barefoot today.  Enter Hannah at Peggy Ann Design - today I am blogging barefoot.

Okay I have another confession - my hubby took my camera so I wasn't able to snap a picture of my tootsies this morning.   As a good Appalachian girl, I can tell you that I have plenty of barefoot moments in my life.  I'm sure the "hick" stereotype of being barefoot came because people like my ancestors couldn't afford several pair of shoes.

My mom even tells a story about how she took her Sunday shoes off one afternoon at the dam and forgot them.  She got in a lot of trouble because her family could barely afford the one pair of church shoes and one pair of school shoes they had already bought for her.  In the spring/summer she only got one pair of church shoes.  "Daily" shoes were a luxury they couldn't afford.

Heartbreaking isn't? 

Even more so considering there are millions of people living today without even one pair of shoes.

Please do what you can.  Maybe there is a Soles4Souls box near you.  I'm planning on going through my closet tonight and bringing in a few for the box at work.  Maybe there is a poor section of your county and you want to talk to the principal about buying school shoes/clothes for a child who needs it.  Even if its just posting a picture of you barefootin it - please do something!

So tonight, when I sit down on the couch and put my feet in Jay's lap I will be thankful. 

Thankful for too many shoes to count.
Thankful for plenty of money in the bank to add to my collection on a random whim.
Thankful for healthy feet that have carried me many miles and hopefully many more to come.
Thankful for a God who has grace me with His love and with a heart to help those in need.
Thankful for a husband who love me so much he built shelves to support my "habit."
Thankful for that same husband who rubs my feet mindlessly while watching TV.

We are so blessed.  Please today, if you do nothing else, take a moment to count your blessings.  You might be having a difficult day, or even in a difficult season in life, but blessings are there.  It might just take a little bit of effort pulling back the weeds to find them.

You Are More

I've been batting this post around in my head for the past week or so, but Christie O's post today over at the Sisterhood was the push I needed to get it all down and out there for you to read/see/hear.

I am more than the choices that I've made,
I am more than the sum of my past mistakes,
I am more than the problems I create,
I've been remade.
 
This has been my personal anthem, although I can't take credit for it.  Sure the idea to personalize it was mine, but beyond putting "I" instead of "You" I did nothing.
 
 

 
What it makes me realize?
 
I am more than the girl starring back at me in the mirror.
I am more than the girl who took a wrong turn, that lead her down a selfish and obsessive path.
I am more than a set of saddle bags, courtesy of one too many comfort food indulgences.
 
I am more than the last race I ran.
I am more than the sum of my caloric intake.
I am more than what you see when you look at me.
 
I AM MORE!
 
And I know that you are too.  We've all got something to write on the chalkboard - worries, fears, missteps.  Its time to knock that dust off our hands and get to living life.  The way we would if we had a giant eraser to take it all away.
 
Cause ya know - there is One who will love you no matter what you write up there.  He knows it all already anyway, and He still cares enough to make a way to wash you clean.
 
Please take a moment to (re)watch the video.  This time, sing it to yourself.
 
Because you are so much more!

Good Enough?

This has been a mixed up jumbled week.  I haven't completed an official workout in a week, I haven't tracked my calories in over 10 days, and I lost no weight this week.

The kicker?  I really don't care all that much. 

Ya see those things I haven't done?  Those were choices I made.  Deliberate choices.

Cleaning my house on Saturday?  Far more important than working out.  Helping my sister over the weekend?  That's getting the job done.  In light of the week's events "completed her food and exercise diary for XX/XX/20XX and was under her calorie goal" didn't even register on the radar.

Having lunch with the Princess and Little Man, followed by dinner & playing on the playground with them was far more rewarding than any training run could come close to being.

I'm going to apologize in advance for not being able to cheer you on commenting on your blogs this week.  I understand that many of you are on this journey so you can have those moments with your children and grandchildren.  I also understand (maybe more than anyone) how health and vanity get confused sometimes.

How'd I do on my goals?  While I had a salad most days, I averaged about 2 fruits/veggies a day (at least 3 was goal).  I moved every day, but Wednesday/Thursday were the only two days I actually "worked out". 

I did very well on my water - I drank as much water as possible without Jay fussing on me for having to take potty breaks on our road trips.

I hit the reading goals out of the park.   Practically every night I've read on my front porch swing.  For those days we were traveling I love reading while riding in the car.  Even exhausted at 11:30 at night, I got my Bible reading in. 

So while I'm up 1.4 pounds from last week, I'm happy with my life.  I'm blessed to have an incredible family.  I'm blessed that we're all in (mostly) good health.  My sister said a few days ago that it was surreal having her Grandparents extend their condolences for the passing of her husband's father. 

My BIL was headed home for a spring break visit when he got a call from his SIL.  The ambulance was at his parents house and they were trying to resessitate his father.  His flight couldn't be pushed up any more, and he arrived 2 hours before his father passed. 

I refuse to believe things like that are coincidence.

Also?  Through a conversation started by Twitter, God's hand of protection with my husband was revealed to have started from an early age.  His hemophillia diagnosis was late in coming, which meant he was never treated with human blood - including blood infected with HIV like many other hemophilliacs in that era.  He was, however, diagnosed just days before he was about to have surgery.  A surgery that would have quite possibly killed him since the doctors weren't aware of his bleeding disorder.

God's timing is always perfect, whether we realize it or not.

I guess knowing all of that, its hard for me to care that eating pizza and ice cream with my niece caused me the scale to rise. 

She's missing her father and sad about her Papa.  And I'm just enough for her, to provide her with comfort and a sense of security.

If I'm enough for her and the Little Man (& my husband & parents & grandparents & doctor), that's enough for me.

What's your story?

I've been doing a lot of deep reading here lately.  On the surface the books look harmless enough.  They aren't 1,000 pages long nor are they filled with heavy words or a vocabulary that requires me to have a dictionary every step of the way.

Yet they have both stimulated my mind.  To pull myself out of the ordinary and into the world of greatness.

Step one - Don't feed the black dog. (depression)

Step two - Consider each choice in light of eternity.

Step three - Begin living a story so great your heart smiles just thinking about it.

Last week I finished reading my preview copy of Andy Andrews'  The Final Summit: A Quest to Find the One Principle That Will Save Humanity(official review to follow in a few weeks).  This week I've been working on Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

Why do I do what I do?

What difference am I making in this world?

I'm starting to get excited about sharing my stories from Hawaii because what good is living fun stories if you can't share them.

I'm also excited about planning out my stories for the next few years. 

If you'll excuse me, I'm off to change the world.

What I love about real life is that stories can be as simple as hugging your niece tightly because she's too young to understand her feelings and just needs to feel loved.  But they can also as complicated as spending 14 hours in the car to help your sister fix a mistake.


What's your story?  What kind of legacy are you leaving for your children and for generations to come?  I'd love to hear about them!

Also? Please continue to remember my brother-in-law, sister, and the rest of the family in prayer as they say their final goodbye's to his father. 

The Least of These

Last night was my first time helping out with Lost Sheep Ministries feeding the homeless of Knoxville under the interstate bridge.  What more appropriate time then this to participate in "Thankful Thursdays" hosted, this month, by Grace Alone?




34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’


37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’


40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25: 34-40  (source)

Those of you who follow me on twitter, its well known that I've been struggling with the committments I've made for Lent.  Giving up carbinated beverages and praying before every meal.  Doesn't sound too awfully difficult does it?
 
For the past 9 7 days, my friends have listened to me whine about my headaches and encouraged me to press on.  Keeping at it has gotten easier.  The headaches haven't went away, but with each day I get more and more angry at this substance that has addicted me.  That anger makes me more resolute in following through.
 
Last night?
 
I didn't know how I would feel going in.  Would I be judgmental?  Would I openly weep for them?  Would I be able to treat them as individuals rather than objects of pity? 
 
What I felt was humilty.
 
I was put in the beverage line offering several options: fruit punch, orange juice, tea, white milk, and chocolate milk.  Most people reached for the milk, until we ran out.  Orange juice was the second most popular. 
 
What stood out to me?  Only one person asked for soda.  Sure they are probably use to their choices, since they don't change much week to week.  But over and over again, they were reaching for that which would nurish them most.
 
How pathetic, weak, and foolish I am!
 
Sure there is nothing wrong with enjoying food - if you have that luxury.  But how spoiled am I to forget that, at its base, its a sustainer of life. 
 
So today I would like to pause to thank My Sustainer.  For nurishing food and beverages.  For life.  For forgivenness.  For my home (with or without mice).  For a life so wonderful, I forget to appreciate it.
 
What are you thankful for today?

How You doin'?

I hope everyone is having a great week!  Mine's super busy with more to come, but you're not gonna here a complaint from me!  My sister and her kids are coming in this weekend and staying for a few days. 

We're dumping the kids with my parents and she & I will be having our first sister date in a long time.  I had suggested us doing a class at the gym then getting dinner and she thought that sounded like fun, but she's not sure she can handle an hour long class.  Crazy, since she gets up most every morning at 5:30 to work out before starting her day.  Yes, lack of confidence runs in our family.

The best way I've found to deal with a lack of confidence?  Beat it into submission.  Either with a great workout or a training plan that causes me to achieve great things.

Yesterday's weights class kicked my butt.  It was a class designed for more advanced people and I felt awkward and out of place.  There were moves that I couldn't do.  I don't mean couldn't do well.  Couldn't do at all.

Have you ever put a body bar on the end of a step, done a push up and while in the "down" position pulled your right knee to your right elbow?  Me either, but I was surrounded by ladies who were performing this move like it was nothing.  I couldn't even do a modified push up for this, because it makes the knee/elbow move awkward.

I got really down on myself. I kept looking into the workout mirror and seeing that circus freak from a couple years ago.  Remember me telling you about her - she looked like she was a magicians "sawed in half" trick gone wrong?  I tried to "fix" her by losing 15 pounds but she was still there just smaller and less obvious.

Before going down that road for too long (I allowed myself to stay on it for the rest of the class) I decided to jump off that path and choose a different one.

I'm a triathlete.

I'm a marathoner.

I'm a daughter of the King.

And gosh darn it people like me!

Those aren't things you can say about a fat, weak, pathetic loser. 

Taking a look at my goals for the previous week you couldn't say that about me either.  No, I'm not a loser in the weight department either, but that's okay too.  I tried to do each of the following this past week:

Read my Bible daily

Did this 7/7 days.  Some days were just a few verses studying my Sunday school lesson.  Other days included doing my chapter reading for my read the Bible through in a two years plan.

30 Minutes Daily Reading
Recreational Reading - At least 1 chapter a day

30 minutes is asking a lot, considering I only have 4 hours from the time I get home from work until the time I go to bed to fix/eat/clean up dinner, do chores, and have time to decompress with my darling love.  I've changed the goal to make it more realistic

64 oz Water Daily

I met this goal 6/7 days (only getting in 56 oz on the 7th day).  Two days I actually reached 80 oz!  I've also committed to not drinking any of the water drink mixes with aspartame.  I have a few left over, but once those are gone I'm not buying more.  The kind with stevia are a little more expensive, but worth it health wise in the long run.

Eat 3 or more Fruits & Veggies

Hit this 4/7 days.  This is really a struggle for me, but that just means I made a good choice in making it a goal.  The "miss" days were days I ate out for lunch (two planned, one unplanned).  One thing I'd like to start doing is eating less on planned eating out days.  I normally skip morning and afternoon snack on those days so that I'll have more calories for lunch.  Instead I think I should keep those calories and just order less when I go out.

Exercise

I hit this one every day, although some days were less intense than others.  Saturday I just completed the push ups, but I'm good with that.  I spent the rest of my day cleaning and my evening enjoying time with my parents and grandparents. 

I did so well with these goals, I'm wondering if they'll be mastered well before this challenge is over.  If so I'd like to up the ante, but I don't think its quite time for that yet.  Looking forward to another week of it!



As for my Lent give up/add plan?  Its not going so hot.  I caved last Thursday to the headache/fatigue and had a coke (with my burger and fries).  Since then though I've not had a single carbonated beverages, with the headache to prove it. 

That's 6 days!! 

To you that might not seem like a lot, but that's better than I've done in the past.  The fatigue has mostly gone away, which makes it a lot easier. 

Praying before every meal?  The only time this has occurred as it should have was last night over dinner, when our hostess asked if it was okay if her husband prayed before we ate.  God is good!  Earlier in the afternoon I was worried about my solo prayer being awkward. 

Most of the time I get half way through and remember.  Or get all the way through and remember.  The important part is that I'm pausing to give thanks.  Even if the food is already in my bell.

So how you doin' this week?  If you are observing Lent, are you struggling?  Those of you shrinkers how are things treating you?

Mission Minded Monday

For a while now, I've been a consumer at my "new" church.  I use the quotes because I've now been there over a year.  People have since visited, joined the church and plugged in while I sit on the sidelines.

Thankfully that is all starting to change.

A few weeks ago my Sunday school class committed to feeding the homeless.  Every Wednesday night a local organization Lost Sheep Ministry sets up under a bridge and provides a hot meal.  Originally we were suppose to serve last Wednesday, but the ministry informed us that they were overbooked with groups wanting to help (Ash Wednesday - no doubt) and could we come this week.

After soliciting help for the nursery (yet again - we're a church growing with babies every week it seems! don't worry, I don't drink out of the water fountain) and for a media person (ours was out on vacation so we had to resort to using the old hymnal), the pastor said that anyone looking to get involved should see him after the service.

So I did.  I let him know that I wasn't a huge fan of babies so nursery work wasn't something I was interested in helping with, but that I wasn't sure what else was left for me.  He threw out some ideas, took down my phone number and said he'd call to discuss them more fully.

Also?  My mom called this morning asking if I would be interested in joining a hiking ministry.  Her church (where I'm still officially a member even though I attend elsewhere) is starting up a program.  She didn't want to be involved by herself, but my dad isn't physically able to do it.  I told her that I couldn't make the initial meeting (also this Wednesday), but I would love to be a part of it! 

I'm so exciting at all the work God is doing in my life right now!

How do you give back to the community?  Are you a part of a church ministry?  Maybe a community organization that helps out?  If you're not involved, I'd encourage you to seek out ways to change that.  There are plenty of great things out there just waiting to be done!

Random Junk Mail Prompts Me to Prompt You to Action

I'm the designated mail getter at my house.  Our box is at a weird spot in relation to our driveway and I always drive by (yes drive, not walk) and get it on my way in from work.  I'm a weirdo in that I enjoy getting junk mail, I even enjoy bills.  No mail is the only kind of mail I don't enjoy.

Before you cart me off to the loony bin, I enjoy opening bills because I get that nerdy high when I open them and write them in my day planner (in red ink - to show its money owed.)  Then when I pay the bill I highlight it in green (the color of money) to show its paid.

Okay, I'm starting to get a nerdy high just talking about it, and I'm getting myself off track.

Junk mail.

I love it.

I'm not sure why, but I love opening my mailbox to find something.  Anything. 

One of those random pieces of junk mail is a hemophilia newsletter.  If you've read here very long you know my husband is a mutant.  (No really - he has a genetic disease that no one else in his bloodline has.  A mutation.) 

Unfortunately, he's not a mutant in the variety of Wolverine. 

(source)

Okay so the knives shooting out of his hands would be creepy in real life, but I'm talking about Wolverine's ability to regenerate.  In fact, my husband's problem is just the opposite.  As a hemophiliac, his blood lacks a clotting factor.  The result?  His body takes longer to heal than your average non-mutant.  Sometimes to the point of requiring medication to help things along.

Back to the newsletter.  Every month (or is it once a quarter) we're told of the different places we can go have a free meal if only we'll sit through a presentation from a pharmaceutical rep.  (Believe it or not the cheapest couple in the world has never attended one of these.)

What I did find out?  March is Hemophilia awareness month.

I don't claim to be an expert on the topic, but I know that loving someone with the blood disorder can sometimes be scary and painful.  I know the basics about the disease.  You and I probably clot in the 90-100% range, my husband clots in the 10-12% range.  Even scarier is that he is a mild case, and that there are hemophiliacs who have a less than 1% clotting ability.

I'm thankful that his case is mild.  I'm also thankful that since we've been together, he's only had one major injury.  (You can read about it here and here.)

As a hemophiliac born in the same decade as Ryan White, I'm glad to say that my in-laws did whatever they had to do to ensure that Jay was never treated with human blood.  Having said that I know there are some people where that's just not feasible.  One treatment can cost thousands of dollars.

Because of that, I'm asking you to give blood.  In my area, Medic is our local supplier when it comes to donating or receiving blood.  I don't know if you have a similar organization in your area, but please do some research.  Donating to Medic means your family is covered (for free) if the situation arises that you would need a transfusion.  And thankfully, due to tragedies like Ryan White's, the blood is highly screened and safe.

One day I was playing around on Facebook and saw a "donate blood and run a 5K" challenge.  You guys know how much I love a good race, so my first thought was "I should do that."  I had just finished up my treatments for anemia, so it only took a second for me to remember what a bad idea that was.

My second thought?  Maybe I could talk Jay into giving for me!  Obviously the excitement about the race had clouded my judgment.  His blood would be as useful to Medic as tits on a boar hog.  (One of my dad's favorite sayings.)

Not one to give up quickly (unless it suits me), I talked my dad into giving.  He's a Medic regular - gives on behalf of himself and my mom, on behalf of my family, and on behalf of my sister's family (they won't take BIL's blood because he's from the United Kingdom).  I told him that he needed to wait to give until I could tag along and take pictures.

Thankfully, he's not one to shy away from the spotlight, and the Medic people didn't think I was too crazy.

Hi Daddy!  I promised the Medic workers that I wouldn't get pictures of any one's faces except my father's.  Medical confidentiality and all.

The process is really easy.  After some paperwork and a quick finger prick (to make sure you're not anemic) you then get escorted to one of these lovely beds.  The get you hooked up and off you go.  I have tiny little stubborn veins.  I've had nurses fight over who has to take my blood.  Both times with Medic?  They hit me first try with no problems.

Once you fill 'er up, you get cookies, soda, and a free t-shirt.  All for giving the gift of life!

Yes, everything around here revolves around University of Tennessee football. *eye roll* but you can't blame Medic.  Whatever works, right?

So please, give blood if you can.  If not, try to encourage someone in your family who can to do so.  Also?  Please never take your good health for granted.  I promise, for every time you participate in a contact sport, there is a mutant out there somewhere wishing that he could join you. 

"Thanks guys."

March Goals (Spilling into April)

Yeah, yeah.  I know that the month started last week.  I was in paradise, so I didn't exactly sit down with a pen and paper on my hike through the bamboo forest to write down my goals.  I'm back in the swing of things now, so in conjunction with the Spring In2 Action challenge and weekly check in I wanted to share my goals with yall.



Give me a moment to crack open my handy dandy notebook.  Stop laughing at me.  Yes, I have an eating chart as well as a daily goal chart printed from a Publisher file and bound in a 1 inch white binder.  Yes I am a nerd.  Deal with it!

• 64 oz of water daily.
• 3 fruits/veggies per day
• Exercise at least 15 minutes per day
• Read Bible daily
• Read book of my choice 30 minutes daily

I know I've read it a million times, but I'm going to have to research portions as to what counts as a serving of veggies.  Also I've decided too subtract one thing and add one thing to my life for Lent.  (Today is Ash Wednesday.)

I'm going to abstain from drinking carbonated beverages for the next 40 days.  Yall know that I've tried this before to no avail.  This time I've got better motivation.  Instead of focusing on my deprivation, I'm going to focus on the cross of Calvary and the coming Easter season.  Whenever I encounter a craving for coke, I've resolved to pray for those who have no clean drinking water.

Also?  I've decided for the next 40 days I'm going to pray before every meal.  I've been incredibly bless - God has provided our daily bread and then some.  I should have an attitude of gratitude, and I don't.  I need to set aside time to thank Him for that.  To thank Him for our good health as a family. 

I have decided that I'll be calorie counting (just for some structure - please see my printed off goal chart as proof that I crave structure) and weighing in every Wednesday, but I don't want to share that number here.  I want it to be a tool, but not my focus.

I feel like I'm off to a great start - now just to keep it up!  Can't let Ashley (my fellow Dare Devil Diva) down! I refuse to call us the Triple Ds cause that's just false advertising!!

How's you're week going?  Are you observing lent?  What goals (be it fitness, financial, or otherwise) do you hope to reach this month?