Empowering THIS woman

This is going to be a combo post - weigh in and race report.

My goals for this challenge:

1. Get down to 124 (lose 4 pounds) lowest weight on record

Last week: 127
This week: 127.6

Suck.  I'm totally bloated because of Aunt Flow, so I'll pin the blame on her whether she deserves it or not.

2. Bicep curl 15 lbs – 3 sets of 8

DONE!  Jay was thrilled that I found my reward (a pair of weight lifting gloves) on sale at the Nike Clearance store for $2!!  Not exactly the style I was going for, but you can't beat the price!

3. Post a PR at my next 5K (33:58 or less, preferably 32)

Leading up to the race I was discouraged.  I was coughing and hacking and wasn't even sure I should run.  My running buddy suggested I take Thursday and Friday off, and let my body rest up.  I certainly couldn't expect to set a new PR at the race, but I could run it - just to prove to myself that I wasn't a quitter.

Friday night Jay went over to the farm house to paint and I headed to the rental to crash.  He begged me to come out there with him and I just didn't feel like it.  "If you can't come out and sit with me while I work, then you don't feel well enough to race."

Not sure where he thought I'd be sitting - the house is completely unfurnished.  Plus he was painting - so it wasn't like I could sit on the floor lean up against the wall!

He got inside my head and I felt guilty as I lay there watching Reba.  So I called my parents and got all whiney.  "You really don't need to run.  You'll give yourself pnemonia.  Keep your @$$ at the house!"

Okay so my mother was the kind, gentle discouraging one.  My dad was the hateful one.  Grumpy is what he does best.  No seriously, he's got a t-shirt with the dwarf on it that says "I'm bringing Grumpy back." 

After whining around, I decided to just go to bed.  At 8:30.  On Friday night.  If that doesn't scream "ill" I'm not sure what does.  Our house is too big for two people, way to big for one person, so I was scared going to sleep in the house by myself.

I turned the lamp on Jay's nightstand on, and I turned on my Jesus music and fell asleep.  I woke up around 1 AM and Jay wasn't home.  So I called his cell phone.  6 times.  It went to voicemail each time.  So then I call my dad "Jayisn'thomeyetandhe'snotansweringhisphoneshouldigooutthereandmakesurehe'snotdead."

Please keep in mind that my husband has hemophilia. Were he ripping up carpet with a box cutter and make one wrong cut...

Right as my dad starts to give me advice, Jay beeps in.  He was outside washing off his paint brush.  I click back to my dad, let him know that Jay is alive and well...for the moment.  No guarentees when he gets home.

My parents almost had me talked out of racing, but somewhere in that 5 hours of sleep I felt better.  Not great, just not coughing and hacking stuff up...very much.  At that point I new I was going to race.  I had a chance for 5 more hours of sleep and I'd be ready to go.

I met my family for breakfast.  Long story about the why, but I love my family and I love biscuits and gravy.  Apparently its the prerace meal of champions!  As we ate, we talked about how we were going to honor MLK Jr.  I told them about the Race Against Racism.  When I mentioned the area the race was being held - the family smart @$$ said "Don't bother locking your doors, they'll steal your radio either way.  Unlocked means you don't have to deal with the broken glass."

Real funny wise guy.

Only it turns out that it really is a bad neighborhood.  The YWCA is just down the road from where a high profile unspeakable crime was committed.  None of this I knew at the time. 

My dad was a different story.  So it was no wonder that when I called him upset because I was lost, he freaked out a little.  Okay a lot.  But I was frustrated and feeling the time crunch.  I had followed signs for the race and they seemed to lead me away from where I thought I should be. 

Before I saw the first sign, I saw a police car at an intersection - presumeably for the race.  So why were the signs pointing me away from the car??  By the time I turned into the Old City (the downtown night life of K-town), I knew I was heading in the wrong direction.  I didn't see another race sign and I really started to freak out.

Somehow my dad managed to calm himself and guide me over the phone to get on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd.  Surely the YWCA was hearby.  As I turned onto the street I noticed the church that the race paperwork had recommended for parking.  Then I saw an officer, so I rolled down my window and asked where I should park (the church lot was full).

"Yeah, the race is up this street, but good luck with parking.  I think some people are parking at the school." 

So I went to the school. 

And didn't see any parking.  Did he mean street parking?

It was 10 minutes until race time and I started really freaking out.

My freaking out only served to escalate my dad's freaking out.  "Just get your @$$ to the house!!!"

"NO!  sniffle.  I'm doing this race.  sniffle"

"Quit being so d@mn stubborn."

I didn't have time for this.  "PUT MOTHER ON THE EFFING PHONE!!"

Only my voice was so high pitched and shrill he didn't hear what I said, but just in time my mother took the phone.

Side note: I'm well aware about the commandment of honoring your parents.  I'm also aware of the "so your days may be long" tag line.  At this rate, I've already burned through the nursing home years.  I'll be lucky to make it to retirement.

She called me down, and while I briefly considered giving up and coming home, it seemed a waste.  All that drama for nothing?

So I made a pass around the church again.  This time I pulled in a found a place to park.  Sure it wasn't a parking spot, but it wasn't blocking anyone in either so why not?

As luck God would have it,  it was right near the registration building.

(Please note - all pictures were taken after the race.  I didn't have time to fiddle with the camera prerace.) 

I make a beeline for the registration table.  "Brooke F"

"I'm sorry, I don't have anyone by that name."

"F is commonly misspelled - can you check all around where it should be?"

"Nope nothing."

I start freaking out.  I don't have time for this.  They're gonna start the race without me!!  Then the answer fell from heaven.

"Can you check under the Bs?  People have a hard time believing that F is a last name, so maybe they have Brooke as my last name?"

Sure enough they did.  My hands were shaking with nerves as I hurried to pin my number on and head toward the starting line.  After a lecture about how they weren't liable if we got ran over by a car because of our head phones, we were off.

My first mile I was on record pace - 9:30!  My second mile I started to slow down - I passed the mile marker around the 20 minute mark.  Mile 3 I really slowed down.  My lungs were starting to rebell and I started coughing and hacking.  I tried to fight disappointment.  I knew that the cough would probably keep me from a PR - I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.

As I looped back around, I noticed the street where I'd chatted with the cop.  The finish line was nearby!

I looked down at my watch - 32 minutes had passed.  If I could just sprint the last 0.1 I could have a new PR!!

Seriously?  Who ends on a hill like that?  So I grunted and tried not to groan as I sprinted toward the finish line.  My official race time?  33:08.  I had a new PR!!!

After coughing up some loogies, I called my parents with the good news. 

I can't put into words what I felt like at that moment.  It was honestly a bigger rush than finishing my half marathon.  I had set a goal for myself, overcome a plethera of obstacles AND I REFUSED TO GIVE UP!!

Now that I've shaved 51 seconds off my PR - I'm greedy for more.  If I could go through all of that and still have a PR of 33 minutes, after two months of training surely I can get myself down to 31 minutes. 

But I do plan on having my dad on standby.  Just in case cussing someone before the race really does help with adreniline.

Side note: the YWCA motto is "Empowering Women, Eliminating racism"  not sure if racism was cured by one run - but this woman sure felt empowered!!

Me, bearing all

Today is True Confessions Tuesday over at the Sisterhood.  While this is a confessional post, its not the classic bullet points "oh crap I pigged out on beer, wings, and pizza last night confessional.  (And before you ask, yes I did pig out on wings, I just had two slices of pizza and one beer though, so surely that's not pigging out on them.)

Moving on to the point.

I was very weepy this weekend, and mostly I knew why.  I took on the financal responsiblity of purchasing our first home - in the process using a huge chunk of the money we had saved up for the down payment.  We're knee deep in repairs and remodeling of a home that didn't need much work on it.  (God bless anyone who has the patience for a fixer.)

All of this is on top of my respiratory illness that I'm feeding by not resting fighting off AND its just the week for me to be hormonal and moody.

Okay seriously I'm getting to the point soon.

My confession?

I don't like myself. 

Even when I have a moment of complete awesomeness, I have a hard time stepping back and just enjoying it.

This weekend I beat my personal 5K record.  Coughing and hacking the entire final mile.  Then I returned to the farm house overwhelmed at everything there was to do.  How is one woman supposed to clean 2500 square feet of old house that's not been lived in for a year?

Boo freakin hoo right?  I mean I have this incredible new house and all I can do is whine about it.

And it wasn't by myself.  Jay has already put in many late nights painting, ripping up baseboards, and general manly type things trying to make our home perfect.

Yet all I could do on Saturday is stand in the kitchen with my head up my butt.

Thankfully, my parents arrived and my mom helped me formulate a game plan - after she and my dad took steel wool to plug up all potential rodent entry points.

The next day, I struggled to get Jay to church.  We've finally found a church we both liked, and now he's resisting again.  I don't wanna be the wife who has to go to church by herself.

Then why the beep did you marry a non-Christian??

I whined around enough that he decided just going with me was worth getting me to shut up We compromised, skipped Sunday school, and just went to preaching.

Following an amazing service, Jay and I met my friend/coworker/workout buddy at the house.  Using my mom's game plan of attacking the rooms that don't have to be painted/carpeted/baseboarded*, she and I managed to clean the 3 rooms from ceiling to floor.  I was on window/vent/ceiling fan duty, while she hit the baseboards, walls, and floors. 

Thanks to a great friend, I'm done until Jay's work progresses.

*Most of the house has 12 inch baseboards - yep, that's right.  They are huge and beautiful.  The newer part of the house has only 6 inch baseboards - Jay has ripped up the 6 inchers and is going to custom make 12 inch baseboards for the kitchen, den, master bedroom, master bath, and downstairs bathroom.

So I've just kicked the 5K's rear (and trust me it was more than a race - it was a test of will), and gotten my head above water on the house.  Nothing can hold me back right?

Wrong.

Yesterday (facebook friends can checkout the pics - everyone else has to wait for the blog) I went on a hike with Jay, this same super awesome friend and her hubby.  Only I was the weak link.  I'm not sure if it was a lack of energy due to poor food choices the day before and that morning, or if I'm just not as strong as the rest (I'm trying to pretend that's not it since my friend and I have a very similar exercise routine, although she does hike more.) No matter the reason - I sucked yesterday. 

We hiked to Spence Field and everyone else wanted to continue.  On the way to Rocky Top, I had to stop.  Thankfully they went head and left me and Jay to my mental breakdown.  My poor, wonderful husband tried his best to encourage me.

He'd seen my Wall of Motivation and reminded me of Derek Redman's never give up attitude.  "Well he was just stupid.  I CAN'T do this Jay."  Lots of crying, lots of him telling me I was almost there.  Lots of me telling him to shut the f up.

In the end I just kept going because I was sure that I'd probably fall hurt myself along the way, and wouldn't that make him feel like a jackass for pushing me.  Only I didn't.  Guess we all know who the real jackass is.

The hike back down was great and I was very much looking forward to our dinner at the Brewery.  Jay and I decided to split 2 pounds of wet wings and a large pizza.  After all I'd just burned 2100 calories on the hike, I deserved it right.

After sucking the meat off the bone of 8 wings, I started feeling guilty.  All that hard work and I just blew it on dinner.

Because I deserve it?  I don't deserve a cussed thing.

On the ride home I felt bloated, but I was very much looking forward to a nice hot bath in our jetted tub.  I planned on staying in there at least an hour.  Once I got in, I couldn't help but obess about my bloated tummy and fat legs. 

I finally got out so I wouldn't have to look at myself any more.

So we're back to my confession - I don't like me.

I know how to fix it.  I really do.  Stop focusing on me.  Look to God, focus on Him.  Focus on being a godly wife to a husband that puts up more mood swings than any man should have to.  Focus on being a good daughter and not cussing my dad out.  Focus on being the kind of Christian that shows my niece and nephew what a Godly life is all about, stepping up to the plate and being the godmother I should be.

Only its not that simple.  I'm tired, run down, and emotional.  Letting go should be easy, but for a control freak perfectionist me its not.

So there you have me - my dirty secret exposed.

Hopefully your confessions are much more fun/light hearted.

Monday Project Motivational Board

This week's Monday Project at the Sisterhood was supposed to be a fun break from all the weepiness of introspection we had last week.

That was a big FAIL for me.  Only a few minute into my research for the project, I was already in tears.  Cause I'm sappy like that.

At first I thought I'd put a picture of my childhood hero - Miss Elizabeth.  She was a WWF valet, which means she pretty much got paid to be pretty.  Then I thought about other women I'd love to look like...then quickly realized these women don't truly inspire me.  Sure I want to look like them, but then I get discouraged when I don't.

So I headed down a completely different direction.  What inspires me?

Derek Redmond.

Who?   I didn't remember his name either, just his story.  It took a little research but I found an article which you can read if you want the full story.  The short version is that he was injured during the Olympics during a 400 meter race.  Instead of limping off to the side he refused to give up.  Eventually his father made his way out of the stands and helped his son to the finish line.

(click to enlarge the picture)

The cheesy line beside it is a movie quote - but I thought it was a perfect fit.  Funny - the motivation is already working.  I've signed up for a race tomorrow, but because of my respiratory illness I was considering just not going.  Wouldn't that be embarassing?  Posting about the race.  Posting "Never Give Up".  Then coming back Monday and telling yall I didn't even bother to try. 

So I'll be racing.  Probably won't reach a PR like I wanted, but I'm going show up.  I'm going to finish my race.

Okay now moving on to the non-weepy section of my board.  I just happened upon this picture this week and thought it would be a perfect addition.  

In case you can't tell that's a picture of Marilyn Monroe with a couple of decent sized dumbells in her hand.  Who knew?  One of the sexiest women in our nation's history with a set of weights that could crush the 3lb weights Gwyneth Paltrow swears by. 

I also decided to put a couple of people who I love dearly on my board.  I very much want to inspire them.  The first is my niece.  She's the cutest, smartest little girl ever.  Seriously.  She's two reading levels above where she needs to be for 1st grade (she's currently in kindergarten). 

 

This picture was taken last year during playtime at school.  They got to wear whatever they wanted - and apparently she got creative and wanted to be a member of G.L.O.W. (the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling).  I love that she's so spunky and hope she keeps that attitude throughout life.

Her little brother is 4 years younger than her, but already showing early signs of asthma.  His doctor doesn't want to jump the gun and label him yet, but he fears that the diagnosis is down the pike for the little man.

It felt really good when my sister told my mom that she was hopeful because if I could run a half marathon with my exercise induced asthma, the Little Man could grow up and do whatever he put his mind to.

Is it conceited to say I inspire myself?  I suppose that's not the right wording, I just know where I started.  So I can't help but be amazed at how far I've come.  Okay so my name is the last in the list for my age group in the half.  But I finished and within the window of time that I wanted to finish.

The day after I met Jay, my parents and I hiked to the top of Mt Leconte.  Its the 3rd highest peak in Tennessee.  If you can't read the stats on the picture the top is almost 6600 feet high and the hike up has an elevation change of 502 feet per mile, over the course of 11 miles.  I've since been to the top again, but as they say there is nothing like your first time. 

My faith is important to me.  He has promised to prosper me, and He hasn't let me down.

There is just something incredibly inspiring about knowing that I am loved no matter my faults or failures, and with through the strength of my Savior there is nothing I can't do.

Finally - my goal.  I found a race on March 28th - perfect timing for me to start an 8 week 5k improvement training plan.  The best part about it all?  The race ends in Neyland Stadium, on the 50 yard line.  My mug will be flashed on the Titon Tron as I cross the finish line.  I will break my PR there.  I'm shooting for 32 minutes, but I didn't want to commit that to the board. 

For those of you not from around here - people in East Tennessee live for UT football.  Embarassingly so sometimes.  Neyland Stadium is the Mecca of Tennessee (well besides Graceland, but its on the other side of the state).  It'll be freakin awesome to finish my best ever 5K there.

You'll notice I have a little free space at the bottom, but I wanna be able to add as I find more motivation.

Hopefully you've finished your homework on time - I can't wait to see what everyone else has put together!

Random 17 and a Giveaway!

Jen sent me some bloggly love, so I thought I'd play along and let you know 17 things about me.

7 random factoids

1. In case you aren't friends with me on facebook or twitter - I totally know the "Singing Cop" from American Idol last night.  More in a say hello in the grocery store kinda way than a bff kinda way. 
2. Ricky Morton was my 2nd ever crush - and he kissed me.  Okay so he was my crush back in the early 80s.  Then I got to meet him/be in the same wrestling ring with him a few years ago.  He kissed me as part of the show.
3. I just joined twitter this week, and now I'm addicted.  Jay just to work at night after dinner.  Now I sit on the couch, blanket in my lap, laptop on the blanket twittering away. 
4. If your breathing is already bothering you, running outside in the 40 degree weather isn't the smartest thing you could do.  Even Especially when you have a race to run just a few days from that.  Breath problems lead to coughing, coughing leads to hacking, hacking leads to spiting up half your lung.  Did you know lungs are useful when running?
5. I wear a size 9 narrow shoe.  Most ladies that wear a 9 don't have skinny feet, shoe shopping is difficult for me.
6. Jay's grandfather was a POW during WWII.  Visiting Pawpaw always includes at least one war story.  He's also the reason we don't give to the Red Cross.  One of the stories he tells is about how just released as a POW, the Red Cross refused to give him a cup of coffee or food because he couldn't pay them for it.  Not sure if that was a fluke or if that's just how they rolled back then.  Not sure if that's how they roll now or not, but out of respect for him we comply.
7. Giveaway time!!!  To win, just go through my old book reviews and leave a comment telling me which book you'd like to win if you won.  I'm doing the old fashioned name in the Darth Vader mug drawing - via vlog.  For an additional entry - guess what you think my race time will be.  Previous 5K times have been in the 33:59 - 35:16 range.  The person who guesses closest to actual time will get their name thrown in the mug an extra time.  You have a shot at 3 entries - and everyone can have 2.

Edited to add - the Giveaway closes at 1PM Eastern time Saturday aka the start of my race!!
10 things that make me happy

1. Snuggles and huggles...
2.  in front of the fireplace (my current home doesn't have one - but the new one we just purchase does!)
3. My niece running up to me and jumping into my arms when she hasn't seen me in a while.
4. My nephew saying "Boo".  (Their name for me.)  Doesn't happen often.  Okay so it only happened once but he's working on it.
5. Soup in a breadbowl
6. Sprinting at the end of a race and knowing I gave it my all
7. My new SPI belt - thanks Christie for the suggestion - I ran with it for the first time yesterday.
8. the "101 things I love about Brooke Middle Maiden Last" list my darling love gave me for Christmas - even if he only got to 50.  He promises the 51 to follow next Christmas.
9. Bloggy/FB/Daily mile comments
10. Settling in for bed and getting out my Bible to spend some time with my God who loves me more than I can imagine (why I don't do it more often is something else entirely...)

Rethinking and Shrinking - Week 2

Its weight in day over at the Sisterhood and the 2nd week of the Rethink Your Shrink challenge!



I decided to switch scales this week, and I'm not sure if it had an effect on the results.  For the past few weeks I've been waiting until after my workout, after my shower to weight at the scale at work.  Since I have scrunch 'n go kinda hair, I've been weighting with a wet head.  Apparently I come up with all sorts of excuses for my weight being up.

Since its more convenient (and more first thing in the morning before I've had a drop of food/water), I decide to start weighing in at the gym.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are our weights days, and we prefer to do it first thing in the morning so we don't have to fight smelly boys for the equipment.

I worked out hard this past week.  I only cheated on two meals.  For motivational purposes, I needed to see a loss on the scale this week.

Starting weight: 128
Goal weight: 120*
Last week: 129
This week:127

Now I'm not sure what the difference in the two scales are.  Quite frankly I don't care.  I needed to see that loss this week and I'm glad for it.  127 doesn't feel all that far from my original maintenance weight of 125.  129 felt like I was crashing, burning, and on the road to gaining it all back.

What?  I've never claimed to be sane rational.

My success this past week gives me the motivation to stay on track - and not let a friend's hibachi birthday lunch completely derail me completely. 

Speaking of motivation - I've gotta get to work on my wall.  I've already got a few things but I'm no where near finished.

Also, I'm a little nervous about my race this weekend.  I'd love to be able to finish in 32 minutes, but I'm just not sure that'll happen.  Right now my personal record is 33:58, and it was my first 5K ever.  If I can't manage 32, I at least want a new PR.

*120 is my goal weight over all, not for the challenge.  I don't think it would be realistic for someone my size to lose 8 pounds in 7 weeks.

PS - I packed 5 boxes last night! :)  Granted they were small copy paper boxes, but none the less I've officially started packing!

True Confessions - Shocking, but true

My confessions will be brief, mostly because I did a kick butt job of getting back on track this week. 

• I skipped two sheduled workouts (one due to snow/ice the other due to laziness) but I still managed to get 8 workouts in. 
• I went over on calories two days this week.  One due to snow/ice okay they were both due to gluttony.  It started snowing here and I got all excited about it.  Somehow "snow day" translates into queso dip and ramen noodles in my mind. 
• I cut my calories by 100 every day in an effort to make up for the snow day slipup, only to lose it again Sunday night at my mom's house.  Only this time I didn't regret a single bite - roast, mashed potatoes, homemade mac & cheese, and cornbread crumbled up into a glass of milk.  Yum!
• I panicked a little last night on the treadmill.  I got a little wheezy and had tightness in the chest.  It p*sses me off (pardon my language but "makes me mad" just isn't quite strong enough) because I thought I had beaten this asthma crap.  Why shouldn't I be able to run at an 11 minute mile pace for 4 miles?? My allergist and I are going to have a little chat at my annual appointment next month.
• I'm not working out today at lunch.  Or after work.  I got up early and got my run in so I'm not going to do a thing (well beside my 100 pushup, 200 situp, 200 squat challenge homework and hopefully the tweetfest) for the rest of the day!  I feel so lazy just reading a book during my lunch break!

And for the shocking but true confession...

• As I was heading to the shower yesterday after my run, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror (hips up).  My first thought was "holy cow - is that really me?"  Then I ran out into the kitchen to show Jay.  I even for a moment thought about having him take a picture of my abs for my wall of motivation.  And thought for a brief moment about bragging sharing it with you all.*

*Here's where my modesty steps in and I have to say that my abs are my best feature.  They are totally the first place I start to see results.  So you - yes you there - the one that might have the soft middle but stick thin legs, yep I still hate you. :) 

Now that I've bared my soul - its your turn.  Head over to the Sisterhood and link up!

PS - I didn't end up having the nerve to ask him to take a picture of it.  I was afraid of sounding conceited in front of my husband!  Yes, I know I have mental issues.

Just another manic Monday

Ever had one of those days where you had so much to do you didn't wanna get out of bed?

Try a whole weekend of that!

Since we closed on the house I keep thinking about my growing to do list - which includes the following:

• Keeping up with cleaning/chores in our current home
• Packing all our worldly possessions
• Cleaning the new/old house
• Moving all our worldly possessions
• Picking out/purchasing kitchen appliances
• Picking out/purchasing paint colors
• Somehow making my existing furniture make the transition from modern home to country farm house.

So instead of getting busy this weekend, I spent the majority of the time in my pjs.  With my head covered with a blanket.  Maybe I was just tired - after all I did workout every day (3 days last week I did two-a-days).

Mostly, though, I was just overwhelmed. 

I guess I should give myself a little credit.  I did finally get all our charitible donation stuff documented and bagged up, but beyond that, sweeping, and throwing a frozen burritto in the oven I didn't do squat on Saturday.

The only exercise I did (and if it can be done in your jammies I'm not sure it counts as exercise) was my homework for the 100 pushups, 200 squats, 200 sit ups challenges.

As for Sunday, Jay insisted on sleeping in, and I was worried about the snow/ice on the road, so no church for us.  I did cook lunch, and make some extra rice for lunches this week, but then it was off to Jay's office.  While he was productive writing a couple of contracts, I played on the internet on a spare computer.  Then it was off to my parents for dinner and gluttony.

Obviously trying to take on the whole elephant didn't work for me, so now I have a new plan - one bite at a time.  I'm going to try to pack a box each night.  I'll have to start with the stuff we don't use often, since the house probably won't be move in ready until later in the month.  Then maybe by the time the long weekend gets here, I won't be so overwhelmed.

Other than "just do it", do you have any words of wisdom for an undertaking this big?