a frienemy closer than a brother

Excuse me.

Yes you, my frienemy.

*clears throat and squirms nervously*

Its time you and I had a little chat.  This relationship we've got just isn't working for me any more.  I know most of its my fault.  You give - I take, then complain about how you got the job done.

Even how you looked while doing the job.

I really must apologize.  You've taken everything I can dish out - moodiness, illness, hard training.  You've even put up with my with my obsessive behaviors. 

Let's just face facts - I don't like you.  In fact most of the time I hate you.  I can't remember a time that you've been in my good graces.  Rather I put up with you, or else just all out can't stand to look at you. 

Here's the thing - I know you're not going any were.

And quite frankly I need you.

We have to find a way to coexist.  Have a relationships that thrives even.  I know it has to start with me.  You've never done anything wrong.

Well other than acquire too much fat.  If we're honest, we both know that's mostly my fault too.  If I didn't run out and get a burger more than I should you wouldn't have to find a place to store all that fat.

You're not without blame too though.  I could look like a normal human if you weren't so greedy.  Give the rest a shot at some fat.  Distribution really is the key to looking good.

Looking good isn't what's important though is it.  When I think of all the places we've been together, all the places you've taken me, I'm overwhelmed how something so hated could give me so much joy.

I deprived you of oxygen and forced you to walk 26.2 miles over steep terrain.  Did you give out on me, like so many along the way?  Did you make me dig out my phone to make the dreaded "I can't go a step further" call?

Not at all.  While I cursed you for not going faster, you just kept going.  Slow and steady, at the best pace you could handle.  You're stronger than me you know.  If someone talked to me the way I talk to you, I would have given up a long time ago.

Through the snow, climbing Rocky Top, you just took one step after another - finding good places to rest in the snow.  It would have been easy for you to lead me astray.  To guide me to a slick patch and watch me fall on my rear end.  That would have shown me.

But you didn't.  You stuck with me through thick and thin.  Even when thin wasn't quiet think enough.

So I stand sit before you hear today to ask for a truce.  You've been more than kind to me over the years.  I really am going to try and stop the abuse.  You deserve better.

In return I'm going to ask a few more things of you.  This weekend, I've got 300 m to swim, 8 miles to bike, and 3 miles to run (consecutively).  I wanna cross the finish line with you.  After that we're going to start training for a half marathon in November and the Disney marathon in January.

And I'll need you with me every step of the way.

Legs,

please forgive me.  For all the insults I've hurled your direction.  For all the bitter feelings I've felt toward you.  You really have been a good friend to me. 

Love,
the upper half you've carried around for the past 30 years.