September 29, 2010

You know the drill

I'm in that mood.  You know the one.  I come on here and whine about how fat I am, poor I am, lazy, unorganized - fill in the complaint of the day.  My head knows full well none of those are true but some days my heart just wants to cry because while they may not be true, they feel true.

I can't quite weighing myself.  Every week even though I've done nothing to make the number go down, I step on the scale hoping something will change. 

And it does change - it goes up.

I've been instructed to stop weighing, but I ignore it.  What if I don't weigh and all of a sudden gain a million pounds?  I am weighing and still gaining so that argument doesn't hold water, yet I cling to it.

I read books that teach me to honor my body as a temple of the Lord.  I gain the knowledge, but it doesn't quite make it to my heart.

I watch movies that remind that man looks at the outward but God looks at the heart.  And I cry.  I hope that its a lesson that the Princess grows up knowing.  But I just can't get it through my thick head.

I think I'm going to have to get out my "fat" clothes.  Its either that or lose the weight, and while I wallow around in the fact that I don't want it on my body I can't muster up the gumption to do anything about it.

Because most fat people you know who lack self control train for a triathlon followed by a half marathon followed by a full marathon. 

PS - My house is filthy too.


  1. Everyone needs a post where they can just put it all out there. That is the beauty of blogging! Hopefully now that its all written down you can see what is true and what isn't. You are truly amazing and I am thankful that the Sisterhood allowed me to find you! ((Hugs))

  2. I hear you Brooke. We all have those days, usually mine lead me to the fridge or pantry.

    The best advice I can offer you is to look at the positive things in life... like the fact that you just killed a triathlon!

  3. Ha! Your last sentence made me laugh. Can I offer an opinion? No? Well, too bad. I'm going to anyway. Have you considered that even though you are healthy and you are now a triathlete and are training for a half and a full marathon, maybe, just maybe this is the weight your body wants to be at? It may not be the weight your *mind* wants to be at, but so what. Your strong, healthy, and are FREAKING training for marathons!

  4. Well, it's true that I did a triathlon in August and am training for a half-marathon in December, but I don't recall saying anything about a marathon.... ;-)

  5. P.S. And what Jamee said. Hope writing it out there helps you feel the true vs. untrue.

  6. Awww Brooke! It's ok!! Everyone can totally relate to how you feel (my house is a mess too).

    If weighing yourself is a no, no don't do it! Maybe just use your clothes as a measure. As for doing stuff for weight loss...if you are told it's ok, then just start when you are ready. It doesn't have to be right now.

    Regardless, you are such an athlete which is more important than the number on the scale.


  7. I sure wish you could see the fit, hawt athlete I saw at Buckeye Hooker Retreat. Seriously. I think Kirsten may be on to something. You are at a very healthy weight and trying to go lower may actually be detrimental to your health (mental and physical). You are a serious athlete training for a marathon. Perhaps you should focus on fueling your body for that. Get your scale out of your house if you have to.
    Love you! ((hugs))

  8. I completely agree with Kirsten. Maybe this is just where your body wants to be. I know it's difficult to reconcile what our heart/mind wants with what our body wants, but just remember that you are an amazing athlete who is strong & healthy. You are accomplishing incredible things with that body that others, myself included, only dream about doing.

    FWIW, I can't stay off the scale either and I still have unpacked boxes sitting in my living room even though I moved three weeks ago. Housekeeping clearly isn't my thing either. ;)

  9. Everyone has days like this. It's OK. You will get past this. If you can run a triathlon, you can do anything!!

  10. You know, something just occurred to might be suffering from post-event letdown. It's happened to me before, even when I've had events to look forward to in the future. Once the glow wore off, there was this feeling of "meh". And maybe it hit sooner than it did for me, since tri as a sport left you feeling a bit, "well, it's not all that"?

  11. Does somebody need to drive from TX to TN & steal your scale? ;) I totally will, if you need me to ~ maybe RR Mama would come with me! Girl, I completely understand your feelings ~ I struggled with them for most of my life & still do at times {mostly during that certain time of the month} For me, it took a lot of prayer & scripture memorization. Have you done Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" study?

  12. What Kirsten says.

    And, dude. THROW OUT THE FAT CLOTHES. Like, yesterday. You should have done it yesterday. You are giving yourself permission to grow back into them by owning them.

    Throw. Them. OUT!


what up yo?