As expect, since the first part of my week was one of progression, the second half of the week was spent down in the dumps. I couldn't find a nice thing to say to myself. Whenever I would walk by a mirror I would stop, turn sideways and beat myself up over the size of my stomach.
If I can pause for a side bar, my stomach is my best feature. No matter how little I weigh, my legs are always large(r proportionally than the rest of my body). I've got propetual junk in my trunk.
But my stomach is different. That's the first place I lose weight, the first place I notice definition when I'm consistant with strength training, and the one body part I wouldn't mind showing off to the world at most any weight.
Only last week I was bloated and all menstral. My stomach was huge. Okay maybe not huge, but much bigger than I ever remember it looking. Last week was one of the few times in my life I didn't need a belt. Normally to get pants to fit in the booty/thighs, they are way too large in the waist.
People are going to think I'm pregnant. I thought. I even dreamed about having a fat stomach with saggy skin. Nightmare really.
Thankfully when Aunt Flow packed up and left, so did my pudgy gut. Not to say I'm back to the rock hard abs of the Super Boo days, but its just a little softy and squish rather than rolling over my pants like they did last week.
Many of you have told me that I'm too hard on myself. I know its true, but I don't know how to fix it.
Today in the weight room, a good portion of the machines were being used and I had to switch up my rotation in order to get all the different exercises in. I hopped on the squat rack and loaded up while it was available.
Okay so maybe I didn't load up. I grabbed a couple 10# weights and a couple 5# weights. (Squatting a total of 70 pounds including the bar.)
I can't belive she's taking up the squat rack for that pathetic amount of weights.
She should hurry up and let people use the rack for a real workout.
Who's she trying to kid?
Okay so none of the guys in the weight room said these things, but I felt like they were thinking them. Then I remembered a Bible verse that reminded me why.
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:2
I hesistate to post blogs like this out of fear that I'll hurt someone's feelings. The last time I posted about how badly I felt for being judgmental (of the obese woman in the airport) I had a commenter wonder if people thought that when they saw her before a flight.
I hope yall know my heart. That I would never say anything to hurt you all. But this is something I have to get out. Forgive me?
The reason that I assume all those people were annoyed with me in the weight room? Probably because I've felt annoyed at some "lesser" person myself.
Like when I want to go for a run, only all the treadmills are taken. Those people are only walking, you'd think they'd be nice enough to give them up for someone to get a real workout in.
Oh yes I did. Thankfully I know how ridiculous these statements are and never let them leave my head
I promise, when I look at you, I see your sparkling personality, your generous heart, and your best physical features. But sometimes I look at people (that I don't know) and judge them based on their looks.
She must think she's better than everyone - look at how skinny she is and has her head cocked to the side.
Her thighs are muscular, but I'd be embarrased to post a photo of my leg looking that large.
This. must. stop.
I think
I think we are definitely our own worse critics, but that we can be just as critical of others. Maybe we do this to make ourselves "feel" better. IDK. I feel bad whenever I catch myself.
ReplyDeleteditto to Bari!
ReplyDeletevery good REAL post Brooke! you are so good @ keeping it real!! (even I wanna reach thru the screen & slap the low self esteem right outa ya! ;)) I love that verse! it is so true! I am guilty, tho I would love to not be!
I am so guilty as well. I've just come from the grocery store, where the woman in front of me in the check out was in one of those electric chair carts. She was very large. My first thought was - she is in that chair because she is so heavy. Second I noticed all the junk on the check out, including about 10 candy bars, and I judged her again.
ReplyDeleteThen I reminded myself, that I am no one to talk because of my own weight issues, and the bad eating habits that go with it. This stopped my inner voice, but I'm sure that voice will pop up again.
Good post, Miss Brooke!
thanks for your honesty in this post!! i think we all have these negative and judgey thoughts slip in from time to time. i think it's great if you can notice them, realize how much we all struggle and need grace, show some love and move on. saying this is much easier than practicing every day, i realize this :)
ReplyDeleteI used to be very guilty of it but honestly, getting older has helped me to stop. I can look back now and realize how great I looked back then but at the time I thought it wasn't good enough. We are all always good enough. More than enough.
ReplyDeleteI do that a lot -- imagining what others are saying behind my back. It's a very bad habit I unfortunately have into said habit and am trying to quit it. No real insight here other than perseverance. =)
ReplyDeleteI love your brutal honesty and I'm so glad that you don't stop posting blogs like this.
ReplyDeleteAs for how to stop judging yourself and others??? Idk either but I always try to remember "the grass is always greener in someone elses lawn," ya know??!!
I think to some degree we all judge other people. I believe it's just part of our make up. I know I'm guilty of judge others and yes your post made me think about just how guilty I am. And like you, I am going to try and do better.
ReplyDeleteGirl, I definitely do it with people I don't know!
ReplyDeleteI totally could've written the first 2 paragraphs of this post. I finally started liking myself on Friday (or whenever), and I've been essentially hating myself this week! We'll see how that reflects on the scale in the morning ~ because honestly, I had to force myself to eat for two days (practically gagging the whole time). Please don't yell at me when I give you my report!
I do not judge people on their looks, accent, culture, weight, muscles, or anything of that nature.
ReplyDeleteI judge people on their heart.
I'm glad you admitted this, but I hope that you overcome it. I found a long time ago that if I banish nasty thoughts from my head then I'm much, much happier.