January 28, 2009

Fool's Goal

As a newlywed, I expected the 1 Corinthians 7:5 challenge to be easy on me. Only this week – she really hit me where it hurts, myself image.

I’m not an overweight woman, but I do constantly struggle with loving my body the way that it is. Even as a kid, I remember having a “Get in Shape Girl” work out set. I was very skinny – only I didn’t realize it.

I’m still a size two. Well sort of. :P In dresses that flare out at the waist I’m a two. On the bottom I’m a size 8. Its okay – I’ll wait while everyone laughs at the circus freak. My waist is just a tiny bit bigger than the top of my thigh. Yeah, I know that partly means I have a tiny waist. But that also partly means I have huge saddle bags!

I try not to bug Mr. Right with my insanity. He’s repeated over and over that he thinks I’m perfect just the way that I am. Now that could be fear that I’ll go on a diet and make him eat healthy food, but I’m guessing its because he really thinks that.

I’ve tried excercising (dieting never really works for me) but I can’t lose weight that way. I asked my doctor about it, and she said it was just my body. She said that I may never be as thin as my size 4 friends, but that I am healthy and that’s what’s important.

My work offers an employee wellness program. For those choosing to participate, the requirements include 30 workouts in a quarter, and an assessment at the end of the quarter. I was discussing my weight with one of the fitness instructors (who was performing the assessment) and she said that she thought my body could only lose around 5-7 pounds.

That really disappointed me. Rather than take what she said as a compliment (my family insists that she means I don’t have all that much weight to lose) I let it get me down. She, along with my doctor, confirmed that I will never look like I want to look. The best I could hope for would be a bottom that’s two sizes bigger than my top, rather than three.

In the New Testament, Paul talks about being content in Christ. My body is a temple to the Lord and I need to accept it as such. How dare I criticize the master builder’s chosen design?

On Monday, Mr. Right and I watched the movie Fool’s Gold, starring Kate Hudson. While most of Hollywood is slim, she is one of the more noticeably thin actresses out there. I was surprised, as the movie progressed, that there was an actress in the film even smaller than Hudson. And yet somehow, while I watched these two ladies on the TV wearing little more than a bikini, I went into the kitchen and made myself cookies.

While I may never love my body, maybe I can get to the point where I can at least accept myself the way that I am. If I’m good enough for God and Mr. Right, why shouldn’t I be good enough for me?


  1. I struggle with the same self-image issues. I really don't have the answer either. I think as long as you're healthy then everything else will all into place. It's a journey...one that I've been on for a long time.

  2. Wow. I think you are tiny. I am not an 8 on either the top or the bottom. I also, have always been working on it. When all my friends asked for American Dolls in 6th grade, I asked for a diet. It is so hard to be thankful for how we are created. I will pray for you today.

  3. I don't think I was ever a size 2. I to struggle with with my body image. I also have to remind myself daily of two things. One..God made me perfect in His image. He loves me just as I am, not matter what I think. That amazes me! Two...Hubs loves me just as I am. He doesn't look at me and go oh you thighs are flabby or your have belly since having kids. He loves me just as I am. That amazes me too. He also jokes with me when I am in a self bashing mood that love is blind!;)

  4. I'm a size 8 all over. I did start weight watchers at the beginning of the month, though, and that's helped. But I know what you mean. I see these size 2 or size 4 girls, and I'm like, "Why can't I be like that? My body could so be that size (and was in high school)." But I really like pizza, and I really like mochas and Mexican food and king cake, so...it's a toss up. Do I want to indulge every now and then (as WW allows), or starve myself on salads (which I don't care for) and be skinny? I'll take the size 8 (trying for a 6, though!), please! Lol!!

  5. Wow, what a great post! Really made me think and I ended up writing about this issue also. I think it's hard to be 100% happy within our skin; I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to be healthy and happy with the way you look! I have worked with a few different personal trainers and only found ONE who understood my goal and customized my workouts; the rest have cookie cutter routines they use for everyone. It might be worth your effort to talk to someone else. I think of it this way; if my body is not working the way it should and I get diagnosis, I normally get a second opinion.

  6. Glad you are learing to look to God and your hubs for your affirmation. It's not one of those "one time" lessons. Reading the book "Captivating" really helped(s) align my perspective.

  7. I totally had "Get in Shape Girl" stuff! I'd forgotten about it until you mentioned it! Too funny. Thanks for visiting my blog. I appreciated your comment :-)

  8. Oh my gosh! I had a Get In Shape Girl too! Wow, flood of memories.
    I'm currently struggling to lose some post babies weight. Oy. Actually, I want to be healthier. But I do recall being really skinny and still thinking I was fat. I think it's the unrealistic pressures put on girls in today's society to look a certain way. We're all beautiful!


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