A Confession of the Obvious Sort

I'm a control freak.

There I said it.  Now that its out there let's let it marinate for a moment.  I like control to the point that when not in control, I flip out a little.  Guess what?  Life's about 85% impossible to control, hard as I might try.

As a perfectionist, I have high standards.  Seldom do I live up to these standards, but they are there none the less.  They are not just for me - I hold my family to these standards as well.  Care to guess how often they live up to them?

Last year I turned 30.  I wanted a fun birthday party to chase away any "holy crap I'm officially old" vibes I might have been feeling.  Instead of leaving the party planning to my husband, I took care of it.

What kind of lame loser throws themselves a birthday party?  A control freak terrified that her husband is going to screw it up that's who.

I chose the guest list.  I planned the menu.  I even made sure the house was immaculate before the guests arrived.  Thankfully I had some friends step up to the plate, quite literally, and help out by bringing side dishes.  Jay was the grill master and took care of the hot dogs. 

And there was cookie cake.  I will always be friends with Melissa no matter what she does because she makes the best cookie cake ever.

If I do say so myself, I was an excellent party planner/hostess.  I had a great time, and it seemed like everyone else did too.

Which causes me to question my decision for this year even more.  I've given my husband no instructions other than he's responsible for dinner tonight.  He's received no birthday wish list.  No ideas from me on how he can make this special.

I've given up control.

I realize now that I'm not dictating his every move, he has the chance to blow me out of the water.  Make this birthday the best ever.

But in the back of my mind I still question my decision.  What if dinner is ramen and my gift is something from the dollar tree?  What if the bottle of wine I put in the fridge this weekend is the best part of my evening?

This once, that's a chance I'm willing to take.

After all - you only turn 29 once twice  3 times in your life.

No pressure Jay.

(I'll report back in tomorrow.)