When Jay and I got married, I found myself fighting to get him to go to church with me on Sundays. For whatever reason, he just wasn't comfortable at my church. (He references the membership roll of 3,000+ people.)
As a compromise, we decided to attend the small country church that my grandparents attend.
The problem? Its full of old people. (My aunt, who's 55, was chosen to play Mary in the Christmas drama a few years ago because of her young age.) But I went, because Jay would attend without a fight.
For a while, that was good enough. Then I wrote this post. Don't get me wrong, the church is full of really sweet people. And I'm sure part of it is that I'm just getting out of it what I put in it. But I can't help but feel like everyone there is just going through the motions. They've served their time. Now they're content to sit back and go through the Sunday/Wednesday rituatals.
After reading the confessions post Jay was surprised. He didn't realize how unhappy I was in the church, and offered to find a different one. Which in turn surprised me.
I've asked him to call a buddy of his who use to attend a church near our house. If he still goes there, I think Jay and I are going to try them out next Sunday.
And once we move, there is a church we pass on the way in that I'd like to try. It looks to be big enough to have classes for all age groups (our current Sunday school class - if we went - would be with my Aunt), but not big so big that it feels cold or inpersonal.
I certainly covet your prayers through this transitional time!
PS - the lesson to be learned here? don't make your husband read your blog to learn how you feel! just come out with it over dinner one night!!
I hope you find a great church home!!! My husband always reads my blog so I can't tell any secrets there, lol!
ReplyDeleteFinding the right church home can be hard but is so important. I'll be praying about it.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby gets mad when I don't blog often, lol! He's like, "Where's my favorite blogger?" ;) I think he does it to be sweet.
ReplyDeleteAs for churches...Here's my thought: Find one where you respect and like the pastor and your SS teacher and where you like at least 80% of the class. I for one, while am not too hard to please, get really pissed off fast by fake people. And, like you said, there's a lot of fakeness in church. So if I like the majority of the people and respect the leaders of the church, I feel like it's a success. ;) That's how I feel with our church. I LOVE the band members, I LOVE our pastor and his wife, and I LOVE the ministers. I feel like they are truly searching God's will and are doing their best. And, for the majority of the people in there (or at least the ones I hang out with), I feel the same about them, and they challenge me in my own walk. Therefore...SUCCESS.
(Also, when we first got married, we tried out several churches to find one that "fit." I remember one vividly where we went and NO ONE said a word to us. I was like...um, really??? Never went back. I did not feel welcome at all.)
Hope one of these you visit feels like your "home church."
ReplyDeleteMy problem is that I compare every pastor to one of mine at the church I grew up in, who was the perfect blend of teaching, wisdom, authority, humor, all that good stuff great pastors have. One church we visited here, the preacher gave a sermon about "those gays" his words - and he said it with such hatred that we walked out...My blood was boiling.
But I snorted coffee when I read the part about Mary being chosen because of her young age of 55. LOL!!!!!
I couldn't believe how many signed up for the tour of homes either! It was a great turn out. I also know what you mean about "old". My husband and I attended the same church he has gone to since he was 8. And when we first started to go the youth dept. was HUGE. Now it has dwendle down. The church hit a rough stop with a former preacher. Now it is starting to come back but the process is slow. And when I look around I see a sea of white hair. But our new preacher is young and he has made a very big impact in just a year. But the bottom line in all of this is if you aren't being spiritually fed then you need to go some where where you are. And the process may take a few trys at a couple of different churches but it will be worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteI truly pray you can find a good church home where you can feel comfortable. I agree that perhaps you are only getting out of it what are giving but still - I really think it's important to find a group where you can connect with other people your age and in the same life situation as you. I will be praying for this for you.
ReplyDeletebah! blogger ate my comment.
ReplyDeletewhat I was saying was that I learned the same lesson. LOL my husband reads my blog daily!
I do hope you find a church you feel at home in. It really does make such a big difference.
It's so hard to find the "right" church...but in my experience, the right place finds me. :)
ReplyDeleteprayers that the same happens with you guys!
Hi Brooke! Came over to visit from Pubsgal's blog. Good luck on your search for a church home where you can fit well, and are challenged and encouraged on your Christian walk. I read the'challenge link' that you linked to, and I laughed at your statement that you were more like your dad than you wanted to admit. That is exactly how I used to think. Now that both of us are older. I am finding it to be a source of comfort.
ReplyDeleteWell, that is an answer to prayer! Not so much that you're still searching, but that he's supporting your search! Awesome!!! I will continue to pray that you find one where the Word is taught and LIVED and where you feel truly at home.
ReplyDelete