Things are crazy around here right now, add that to a crappy mood and I thought we could all use this little rerun from several months ago.
I'll just come right out and admit that this may not be the most well written blog I've ever posted, but I think its desperately important that I post it.
Last night on the way home from work, I started composing it in my head with no knowledge of the evening God had in store for me. I wanted to talk about the mistakes we make comparing ourselves to others.
Whenever I get down on myself or head down that road, Jay points out all the great things I have going in my life. "What if your blog readers feel the same when they read about all your victories?"
I assured him you all wouldn't do that. After all you're not as crazy as I am. In reality though, I know its not just a problem that I have.
So in my head I decided to compose a blog about how nothing is more annoying than a conceited blogger. Whether is the runner chick talking about her "easy run" of a 9 minute mile pace (for the record a 10:41 pace is my personal record) or the frugal mommy blogger talking about how being a 2 car family is a luxury not a necessity.*
*Maybe for her - but I HAVE to work to provide my hemophiliac husband with good medical insurance. Public transportation isn't an option for us. Him driving me to work every day so he can have the car just in case he needs to show property isn't a viable option.
Notice how defensive I become when I perceive that some else thinks I'm not good enough?
Any way I never want anyone to read my blog and come away with that feeling. Sure I'm obsessive/compulsive but because I exercise I think I have to do it 7-10 times a week, doesn't mean I think everyone should. Heck I'm even just sane enough to realize that a more healthy, well balanced individual couldn't exercise that much!
One thing I love about the Sisterhood? Even though my weight didn't start out as high as some of the other girls - in truth my starting weight is some people's goal weigh - there was never any judgment from the sisters. In a way I really do think that we sisters with smaller weight loss goals add something important to the group.
If there is anything I could pass along with Sisters just starting the journey is that just losing 100 pounds isn't going to make you love yourself any more. You will not like you at 150 pounds any more than you liked you at 180 unless you change you who are in the process. Change how you view yourself. Change your mind along with your body.
I hesitate to talk finances much on this blog because I know that there are people out there truly hurting right now due to money problems. I don't want my victory to be the salt in their open wound.
But why does it have to be that way?
Then I sat down last night to read more of my So Long Insecurities book by Beth Moore.
What a message God had for me. Fitting (and not at all coincidental) that I read those chapters just a few hours after composing the above blog in my head.
The first part of the book wasn't revelational to me. She took the first half to describe insecurities, what they look like, and how the root might have developed in our lives.
Lady I know I'm insecure, you don't have to convince me. I did, however, enjoy reading that I wasn't alone. I'm not just some messed up anomaly.
Last night we began to dig deep. Chopping off the top of our insecurities isn't enough. We have to pick up our shovels and pull these guys up by the roots.
She hit me with a couple of verses that about knocked me off the couch. Had God written these verses just for me? Dang I must be special if He wrote it in one book, I skimmed over it, and He felt compelled to included it in another book 2,000+ years later just so I'd get the message.
Psalms 84:1 How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!
Considering that believers in Christ have the Holy Spirit dwelling within them - that means I'm lovely! She even had us say those words out loud - twice.
"I am lovely."
The with more emphasis (and as a chronic pleaser I obeyed)...
"I am lovely."
"Yes, you are." Okay so I thought Jay would think I was insane for talking to myself while reading. Apparently he doesn't think I'm crazy, just lovely.
Then I continued reading and saw Beth Moore's next words "Yes, you are."
"Hey - you and Beth Moore agree!"
Seriously though, she recommends saying it every morning when you first wake up and look at yourself as you brush your teeth.
For whatever reason that means so much more to me than the verse Lois is constantly reminding me about when I read her blog about being fearfully & wonderfully made. Sure He made me in His image, but those trips to McDonald's really screwed up His masterpiece.
This verse, however, speaks to today. Today I am the dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.
The other verse she shared was one that really got me - Galatians 5:26.
That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.
Did He really inspire those words all those years ago? Cause it sure sounds like He thought them up after seeing me compare my running & biking times with all my friends on the Daily Mile.
Maybe none of this is as touching to you as it is to me. Maybe I'm the only one in the blogosphere that needed this lesson, but oh how I needed it!
I hope today you realize just how lovely you are. And if you're like me, and sometimes have your doubts, I pray that you would remember these scriptures. Claim it. Own it. Know it.
You are lovely.
Why yes, yes I am