Weigh-in Wednesday - You've got to be kidding me

I haven't done the weigh-in thing a while, but its time to get back at it.  This time moderation is the key.  I'm working through some personal issues, on how my weight doesn't define me, how I'm good enough just as I am (Mark Darcy anyone?). 

Tracking obsessively wasn't working for me.

Guess what, not tracking at all wasn't working for me either.

The proof is in the numbers.  My last blogged weight was 122.8.

Today I'm up to 127.6.  That's almost 5 pounds gained in the past 2 months. 
Holy guacamole!  My eating habits have gotten out of control.  I always new I was an emotional eater but I never realized just how bad I was. 

Ever since the doctor made me hang up my triathlon goal, I've been throwing myself a pity party.  Eating fast food frequently.  Snacking mindlessly.  Barely moving.  (I was given clearance to exercise, not train.  The difference?  Intensity.)

So now its time to stop feeling sorry for my self.  Maybe one day I'll be able to stop tracking, but that day isn't today.  This is obviously something I'm not proud of, but my food free for all attitude wasn't doing my health any favors.

In the spirit of Thea, I've decided to give myself a weight range goal, rather than one single goal.  Sure I'd love to get back down to fighting weight, but I'm also not going to beat myself up over a couple of pounds.  I'm setting my goal range at 122-125. 

So that means I only need to lose 2.6 to get into the range.  Which makes it seem a bit like I'm making a big deal over nothing.  But trust me, its a huge deal.  Had I not staged an intervention for myself that number would have just kept climbing (last Friday I was at 129 when I stepped on the scale).

I'll just be honest - I have an infusion scheduled for tonight and another for Friday.  They wipe me out.  Mostly its the Benadryl before they give me the juice, but I typically go home and am in bed by 6 or 6:30 and am out for the night.

I hesitate to say that I'm giving myself a free pass, but when you can barely hold your head up you take whatever is put in front of you.  I'm okay with that (and my Coca-Cola they give me to wash down the Tylenol) because its only a couple more times and trust me, I've earned it!

I've been doing great on my weight lifting plan (heading in there again today at lunch).  Cardio is hard because it requires a bit more energy.  Where normally I'd go ahead and push through (and typically get more energy for having done it), I've had 2 doctors advise against pushing through, even when it doesn't seem like a big deal.

So for now, I'm doing as I'm told.  But I have found that the elliptical is a great exercise for me right now.  Assuming my sleep patterns are good enough that I'm not falling asleep at my desk all day.

How'd you do this week?  As always, the Sisterhood wants to be there to support you.  What are you waiting for, blog already and link up!

NC part 2

The 3rd and final day we were in Blowing Rock, NC we visited Grandfather Mountain.  Jay & I thought it was just a mile high swinging bridge - turns out it was much more!

We picnic-ed near the nature museum so that we could catch the 1 o'clock snake demonstration.  Once we learned all about corn snakes, we were allowed to touch it.  The Little Man was the first to raise his hand, but the Princess took some convincing.

In the end, the thought of being able to chase Mamaw (my grandmother who's terrified of snakes) and her JuJu (baby sitter who's like an extra grandmother to the kids) with her snakified hand.

Then it was on to the animal exhibits.  Claire saw the "one armed" eagle first and had to tell us all about it.  Apparently it lost its wing to gunfire before being relocated to the park.

The otters had just been fed, so they were hiding out behind logs the first pass through, but we finally got a glimpse of them. 

The black bears were just hanging out. 

After a fudge pit stop, we were headed to the swinging bridge - the main attraction.  For Jay & I at least.  My mom, sister, and the kids had no interest.  Actually the Little Man was interested, he just wasn't allowed.

Upon further review, my dad decide he wasn't going to cross either.  So it was just Jay, BIL, and myself.  At least we had a camera man come with us right?

That's us in the very middle.  Jay is wearing a yellow shirt and I'm in a pink/red tank.

The Princess finally got brave enough to meet her dad in the middle of the bridge & my dad put on his big girl panties and crossed.  The rest of the crew kept with their original decision.

While the bridge itself isn't a mile from the ground, it is a mile above sea level. 

Then it was on to the rock cliffs ahead.

And while this last picture is photo shopped - its not for the reason you think.  The BIL didn't notice that I was imitating a plumber before he snapped the picture.  The only touch ups that were done on this picture were just making my pants look like they came up higher than they really did!

Following Grandfather Mountain (and the purchase of some silly bands to swap with the Princess) we headed to a pizzeria.  It was recommended to us by a GM clerk, and it looked like it was a nice place.  When we got seated we noticed some extra decor added to the windows.

Turns out several years before they had a waitress with a very jealous boyfriend.  He suspected that the owner was a true Italian stallion and paid the restaurant a little visit.

That's some strong glass!

We parted ways and headed home.  The end of a fun trip is always the hardest part, isn't it?

North Carolina part 1

Two weekends ago my family took a trip to Blowing Rock, North Carolina.  Jay was a little slow at getting the pictures uploaded, so here is the full report just a tinsy bit late.

We left early on Sunday, but tried to keep the excitement to a minimum.  We had trouble finding a breakfast meeting spot (where my parents, Jay & I were supposed to meet up with my sister and her family).  The first mom & pop place we tried wasn't open on Sunday, and the 2nd confirmed via a phone call they were open, but when we arrived at their location no one was there.  (We've since discovered that they moved.)

Though we were all starving, we decided to stop in at a place my sister had eaten at before 30 minutes up the road.  My mom decided to ride between the princess and little man's seats and got hit with some projectile vomit (courtesy of the princess's car sickness) for her trouble.

Once we got into town, we didn't do a whole lot.  We walked up and down the street going into the cute little shops, stopping at the park to play, even finding a garage sale to shop!  After checking into the cottage, we freshened up then went back out to a pub for dinner.  After trying a sip of my BIL's beer selection, I went with a pint of Old Speckled Hen. 

It wasn't until Monday that the fun really got started.

Something that we didn't realize when booking the cottage with Blowing Rock Resort Rentals, was that their policy only allowed for 1 bag of garbage for the entirety of our stay.  8 people in a cabin for 3 days, and we only got 1 bag of trash.  If we left anything above that we'd be charged an additional $10 per bag.

Ridiculous right?  They did, however, include directions to the nearest trash dumps. 

My father instructed me not to tell you the story about the dump.  About how due to road construction he didn't see the dump entrance until it was too late to turn in, so he went out the in.  About how the "gentleman" working the dump lectured us about how we'd cause an accident coming in the wrong way.  How he and my dad argued for 5 minutes about whether or not it hurt anything.  About how my dad tried to explain it was an accident and we were tourists (and the problem wouldn't happen again) but the guy kept being a jerk about it.  About how my dad called him all kinds of names once we pulled away- names we were hoping the Little Man wouldn't try to repeat.

Then it was on to Tweesie Railroad - the Little Man loves trains (and all things "go-go" related) so we figured it'd be fun for him.  I was less than enthused about Jay and I shelling out $32 each for a stupid train ride, but we were pleasantly surprised at everything the park has to offer.

First off, they allowed us to bring in our picnic lunch.  Coming from a tourist town ourselves, we're use to being told we can't even carry in a bottle of water in our purse, much less lug in a rolly cooler full of sandwiches, fruit, and drinks.

After the train ride, we had lunch, then headed into the park toward the rides.  Jay took a million pictures (as always) and while some of them didn't turn out to his liking, it meant that I could post some on my blog.  You see my sister thinks the Internet is full of crazies just waiting to kidnap her children.  I've been given specific instructions not to post their gorgeous faces on my blog.  Enter Jay's photo fails.

The princess was too tall to ride the kiddie rides, and surprising (and sadly) enough the Little Man was big enough to go it alone!

One payoff for the princess being as tall as kids a year older than her was that she got to ride the adult rides - here's one of her in between her parents are the tiltawhilr.

The Little Man (with my sister & mom) were in front of the Princess and I on the Merry-Go-Round.

The photo fails of the Princess are few and far between - in true diva fashion she always knows where the camera is and is always willing to pose.  Here Jay has caught us in the middle of enjoying an ice cream snack.

The Princess and BIL were in the pole position.  Followed by Jay & I, my dad and the little man, then my mom and sister.  No, that isn't a possum on my dad's face.  Its his beloved mustache that makes him look about a decade older than he really is.

Here are a couple of mean rascals we found in the Tweesie jail, but the must have broken out because we found them riding off into the sunset a couple hours later.

As I said we were pleasantly surprised at how much fun the park was.  When we'd finally had enough we headed back to the cottage for some grilled steaks (courtesy of my dad).  The evening was capped off by a rousing game of Apples to Apples, before everyone headed to bed in the late 9 o'clock hour.

We're getting old!

Dear 2010 Brooke, take 2

The Sisterhood challenged us to review our Monday Project "letter to me" that we wrote back in January.  We were to write a letter to ourselves from the perspective of our 2011 selves, looking back on all that we've accomplished in 2010. 

I knew without reading my letter, 2011 me was on some good medication (or intoxicated) when she wrote it.  Unfortunately I haven't been able to compete at all the same races as last year.  Those that I have ran, I didn't get the result I wanted.

I struggled to get my breath during this year's SMARM 5K and ended the race with my worst time ever.  Until the following weekend when I added another minute to my worst time ever.

I couldn't maintain my 4 MPH pace over the course of the Mountain Man Marathon March, wondering the whole time while I was struggling so much.

Looking back over past blogs I found this True Confessions entry:

Yesterday (facebook friends can checkout the pics - everyone else has to wait for the blog) I went on a hike with Jay, this same super awesome friend and her hubby. Only I was the weak link. I'm not sure if it was a lack of energy due to poor food choices the day before and that morning, or if I'm just not as strong as the rest (I'm trying to pretend that's not it since my friend and I have a very similar exercise routine, although she does hike more.) No matter the reason - I sucked yesterday.

This was late January.  Looks like I found my first signs of anemia.  Needless to say my year hasn't turned out as I had planned.  I didn't get to compete in the Triathlon I was training for and I've been mostly benched for the past month (funny it feels longer than that).

My doctor has assured me that its only temporary and he's going to get me back at it.  I've got 6 months to get better and get my act in gear.  In that spirit allow me to preset you with my Friday's Thursday's Three:

1) I will get my act together.  I will stop snacking mindlessly.  I will stop relying on the drive through.  I will lose this 5 6 pounds I've gained over the past month.  I will return to my healthy eating habits.

2)  I will participate in the K-town Marine Mud run 5K.  No promises on time, but it will be my first healthy 5K of the year (I had a chest cold during my PR 5K in January).  Of course the mud & obstacles along the way will make it a little more difficult than a standard 5K, but I'm setting a goal for myself of finishing under 1 hour (maybe 45 minutes?)

Jay & I will compete together and for the first time I won't be concerned about him beating me.  I'll just be happy to be out there racing again.  And happy that I have a husband willing to compete with his wife who's jealous of his natural athletic ability.

3) I will shave 15 minutes off my half marathon time come November.  This is the one and only thing left on my 2011 letter that's obtainable.  The course has been changed to a very flat course, and with my marathon training and come off a break of several months I'm going to own this race!!

What about you?  How are your goals for the year progressing?

God's in the details...

This morning I can say without a doubt I'm thankful that I serve a God who's Lord over the little things just as much as the big things.

A little back story - I'm the type personality that tends to refocus my worry rather than turn it over to God completely.  For example instead of worrying about visiting the chemo ward to get my infusion, I decided to worry about parking.

Thanks right - parking. 

The parking garage next to the medical office charges an hourly rate.  Last time I was at the doctor there it was $3 for the duration of that visit.  I've been scheduled for 5 infusions over the next two weeks, with a follow up doctor visit the following week.

Those $3 charges were quickly adding up in my head.  To distract me from the fear of the infusion (would it hurt?  could they get a good vein?) I starting worrying about the over $20 in parking charges I would have accumulated over the next few weeks. 

As I was checking in, the infusion registration clerk asked me for my parking ticket.

"Its in the car.  You validate?  I can have my husband go get it."

Instead, she gave me a ticket to give to the parking attendant.  A "get out of the garage free" ticket if you will.

Then I asked if they validated for office visits too, or just infusions. 

Office visits too?  Sure enough.

Funny I didn't know it the first visit, yet she offered it up without me asking this time.

It was like God jumping up and down waving His arms.

See, you can trust me with all your fears, all your worries.

Was it just a coincidence?  Maybe, but more and more I'm starting to learn that God uses all situations to bring Himself glory.

The truth is - He's big enough to carry my burdens (big or small) for me.  If it takes a nice clerk offering to validate my parking ticket to remind me of that, coincidence or no, that's a blessing.

And for that, I am incredibly thankful.




Thankful thursdays are hosted this month by Grace Alone. 

Guess who's back - back again?

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

And at the moment buzzing on a pretty awesome B12/caffeine combo.  Who knew I could have this much energy...and that energy translates into happiness and a good mood? 

Okay so I knew it a few months ago.  Since it wasn't just a sharp dip, I had forgotten what it felt like to feel good, so I didn't realize just how bad I felt.  Is that clear as mud?

I've been doing sublingual B12 drops since my appointment last week and they usually give me a boost for several hours in the day.  Over the long weekend I tried to time it so that I'd have my energy during our big plans, but wouldn't crash too early.

Today is my first day of the infusions, so I'm a little nervous and unsure what to expect.  I've changed purses into a bag big enough to hold a book.  From what I understand the infusions themselves will last for an hour so I'll certainly need to have reading material. 

Selfishly, I hope that I'm there alone.  The infusions will happen in the chemo ward and I'm not sure I'm emotionally strong enough to be surrounded by cancer patients for an hour.  Especially when I'm mostly just there to make sure I'm ready for my marathon training that starts in a few months.

The long weekend was great.  As usual Jay got some awesome pictures.  He also got some less than stellar pics of the back of the kids heads (its difficult taking pictures of a kid on a ride that's spinning around.  I'm glad though, because at least I'll be able to share those pictures with you.  (My sister won't let me post pictures of their gorgeous faces.)

I've got a bit of a game plan for the coming weeks.  I'll try to get my weekend wrap up to you as soon as I can, but at the moment I'm waiting for the pictures from Jay.  I also hope to get some pictures of the house - do sort of a final walk through.  We're wanting to renovate the bathroom sooner rather than later, but we've done all the other work to the house.  I don't think yall want to wait to see pictures of the rest of the house until Jay and I have about $5,000 laying around to redo the bathroom - do you? 

I've also had requests for posts about Athena - my wrestling alter ego, the return of frugal posting, my dreams for the future, all things Little Man & Princess related (cause really - everything they do is cute), and some more randomness. 

I'd say I've got almost 100 blogs of yours to read, so I'd better get at it.  Hope yall are having a terrific week!!

Sad - the vacation edition

I'll be back tomorrow to catch up on your blogs!

Wanna know what's sad?

Scoring the bottom floor room and getting excited on vacation being a million degrees cooler than home...only to realize its the basement with no air vents or even fans.

The little man being big enough to ride rides at the amusement part by himself.

The princess being too big to ride the little kid rides.

My dad almost getting beat up by the dude at the garbage dump.

The whole family going to bed before 10 PM.

Leaving half a bottle of wine untouched.

Clients calling Jay at 11 PM.  (Thankfully he didn't answer...last night.)

Going home and getting back to the real world.

Now the countdown begins for Jay & my vacation alone in Myrtle Beach!!

A tribute to my father

Shopping for Father’s day cards is difficult.


On one end of things, I never had a “traditional” (or at least what the card companies would have you think) relationship with my dad. I never really saw him pray or read his Bible. We never picked flowers in the back yard together. He was never the kind to hug a lot.

He worked hard to support the family, changed the oil in my car, fix (then break & fix again) appliances around the house. He is a hard working man’s man, who loved us although figuring out how to show us was a challenge. He was raised by parents from a generation where men didn’t cry and they certainly didn’t say “I love you.”

Its frustrating shopping for a card when the sappy relationship is the image of a father/daughter relationship being put out there. If you’ve been a reader of mine a while, you’ll remember that I had to work around this same thing for the father/daughter dance at our wedding reception.

I teased him by having the DJ play the opening chores to “Butterfly Kisses” then there was a record scratch and then the song “Almost home” by Craig Morgan. Nothing says father/daughter bonding like a song about a homeless man that just wants to die.

However macabre, that is “our song” – I’ve made fun of him for crying at a song which obvious tries (IMHO) a little too hard to be poignant. To the point that I call him whenever I hear it, crank up the radio, and hold my cell phone to the speaker.

I want to be real. Have real memories, real moments. Not something Hallmark tells me I should feel for my dad.

I’m ashamed to admit that at times I haven’t been as proud of him as I should be. For most of my life he worked as an “Industrial Mechanic” at a car manufacturing plant, until the plant packed up and moved to another state.

He’s since held a seasonal job as a custodial type worker for one of the nearby City’s parks & rec department. He would cut grass, when needed. Mostly it was his responsibility to keep the park tables cleaned off and the bathrooms cleaned.

His current job is with a sister city’s street department. In the winter he’s constantly on call – he has a route he’s assigned to snow plow and has to go in whenever we have a big snow. Otherwise its pouring asphalt and other general street/sidewalk maintenance.

When I first started dating Jay, I was ashamed of my dad’s job, ashamed of my upbringing. I knew Jay’s previous girlfriend was the daughter of a doctor – a man who threw wine tasting parties at his house often.

The only tasting done at my house was “corn from a jar” in our basement. (If you ever meet my father, I’d suggest bracing yourself if he offers you a cherry or other fruit in a jar.)

Somehow I thought his occupation made him less important. Less significant. Less impressive.

When you get right down to it, what’s more impressive than a man that’s knocking on the door of age 60 and can still hold his own doing manual labor with younger guys?

What’s more impressive than a man who, despite his lack of education beyond high school, used what resources were available to him to always make a steady living?

I can only think of one time that our family was at risk for going hungry, losing our house. That was when my father was told by his doctor that his abdominal pain was nothing, yet less than a day later his appendix ruptured. Shattered really. This one and only time he didn’t provide was when he was so sick he was close to death, and very literally couldn’t.

That’s dedication.

That’s love.

That’s impressive.

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to share these thoughts with my father. I would never let him know that I had those traitorous thoughts…was ashamed with how he put food on the table.

So this year, I’ll once again go the humorous route, and thank him for teaching me all that he has.

My father’s day card to him this year:

On the front a picture of a small girl, wrench in hand, working on her bike. To the right there is a thought bubble with (%&#%^$^$%^#) inside.

Inside it says “what can I say, I learned from the best.”

What will go unsaid: Happy Father’s day. Maybe someday I’ll be able to articulate how appreciative I am for everything you’ve done for our family.

Has the Jury reached a verdict?

Your honor, we have...

not.

We need more time to deliberate, play with a few scenarios and then we'll get back to you.

That's pretty much how my doctor's appointment went yesterday.And I'm trilled about it!  Haven't been this hopeful since the initial diagnosis.

No, he didn't drug me in order to make me okay with it either...read on!

He's doing some blood work (sending it off to Mayo so we'll have the results in 3 weeks or so) but in the mean time he's ordered B12 & Iron infusions.  Every other day for two weeks.  They'll make me feel better in the short term, and let us know if we need to do more digging.

He used the example of a cup.  Right now my hemoglobin/iron cup isn't full.  These infusions will fill me back up.  If there is a leak in the cup (internal bleeding) my numbers will go back down. In that case I'll have to swallow a capsule with a camera in it to take pictures of my small intestine to see if the bleeding is there.

 If my numbers go up and stay up, then something along the way just knocked the cup over and the contents were spilled.  No harm, no foul.  No real reason to investigate further.  Who really cares which of your little brats knocked over the grape juice, as long as it gets cleaned up properly?

The best part?  I explained to him about my training going down hill in March/April and how I was anxious to get back at it.  He told me that the guy he had just seen was a VIP in the K-town track club.  "Its funny that today is my day to see athletes."

Yep - you got it.  He called me an athlete.  A medical professional considers me an athlete. 

I mean its cool and all when you reassure me that I'm one, but you're my friends.  You have to say that!!

Then when I pushed him about when I could get back to my routine he said "Its just a few weeks.  I won't hurt you to take it easy for a few weeks."  That statement gave me hope.  This is a small blip on my training schedule.  So tiny I'll look back and have to think really hard what went on.  Just a few weeks I can handle.  Indefinitely was intimidating.

Another thing that made me feel good was the nurse asked if I had to nap when I got home after working a full day.  Knowing my levels, she thought that could be a possibility.  Not only do I not nap, I come home from work, cook dinner, do dishes, and sometimes other household chores before collapsing in bed at 9 o'clock.

It only reaffirms what I suspected after I learned I had completed a difficult marathon (very steep inclines) while anemic.

I'm a bad @$$ motha who don't take no crap off of nobody.  (Cool Runnings anyone?)

They took about 6 viles of blood doing further testing, and one of the tests is for lead poisoning.  That one is a little scary.

Doc: How old is your home?
Me: It was built in the 1890s.
Doc: Anything before 1970 could have lead in it, we need to test you for lead poisoning.  How long have you lived there?
Me: We moved in a month before I started having symptoms.  :-O

So there you have it.  The summary of my day yesterday.  Or at least the interesting part. 

I'm very hopeful that the infusions will have me bouncing off the walls in no time!

The Big Day

Well guys the big day is here.  This morning I'm seeing my hematologist to figure out where we go from here.  Here, of course, being sidelined and worn down due to an insufficient amount of hemoglobin and iron in my blood.

I have to admit I'm a little anxious.  What if I hit a wall?  My mom, dealing with a medical issue of her own, was told earlier this week "that's just the way it is - deal with it."  That's my biggest fear.

Fear and anxiety have no place in  my life.  As the hymn says "I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand."

Please pray for me - this visit will be a difficult one.  If for no other reason than being surrounded by all the cancer patients visiting there to visit the oncologist.  (Why do the two specialties have to be lumped together?)

What do you people want from me???

Just kidding...but seriously.

The past few weeks I've been at a loss for blog topics.  Since I'm not weighing in any more, and I'm attempting to banish my guilt regarding food and exercise, that eliminated my typical True Confessions Tuesday & Weigh-in Wednesdays posts.

I also feel like you get sick of reading about how frustrated/tired I am.  I mean even I get sick of it!  Why shouldn't you?

So I'm putting it back on your plate.  What would you like to see more of on my blog?  The adventures of Super Boo & Her Mutant JayJay? 

Pictures of random things that catch my eye?

Hit me with it - tell me what to write/post.

Got questions?  Bring 'em on!!

Don't make me rerun our sappy love story posts!!

Another PSA give away!

Yesterday the ACS and the Shrinking Jeans girls asked everyone to "Choose you".  Today the challenge is a little more difficult - Love yourself!  In a swimsuit no less!!

The ladies have paired up with Lands End and will be giving away not one, not two, not three, but 8 swimsuits to lucky readers!!  Check out the contest rules here. 

I love that the girls are confident enough to post pictures of themselves in the Lands End suits.  I'm not sure about anyone else but I get tired of stick thin models in magazines showing me the best suit for my problem areas.  Especially when its quite obvious that their biggest problem is that they skipped lunch for the past week.

Instead, courtesy of the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans, we're getting smokin hawt models that have worked hard for what they've got!  Yesterday Lissa & Heather modeled Lands End suits.  Today was Christy and Thea's turn. 

I'm hoping to win this one.  I've never been afraid of bikini bathing suits because I know they draw attention to my best features (pretty much anything from my waist up).  Wearing a suit that doesn't have a definite waist, I tend to look like a (a very tall) 5 year old girl.

What do you do at the pool to make yourself feel at ease?

Don't have confidence issues when it comes to swimwear?  Please leave me your secret in the comments!!  (And before you quote it, I already know - God looks at the heart!)

The PSA giveaways!

This week at the Sisterhood, they are giving away lots of goodies!  What I love best about these giveaways is that they also serve as a message to their readers.  "Here, have something free, but be sure to love yourself in the process!"

In conjunction with the American Cancer Society's "Choose You" Campaign - the Sisterhood is giving away a gift basket including sun screen, a water bottle, a gift card to Walgreen's, and some other goodies.  Anything to make us ladies realize that sometimes we have to put ourselves first - if for no other reason but so that we can stick around longer for those that rely on us.

Whether is eating right, exercising, or something as simple (but commonly overlooked) as applying sunscreen or wearing a hat in the sun - we all have things that we could do to keep ourselves healthier.  And while it may seem selfish taking a few moments for yourself - think about the example your setting for others around you.

Don't you want your children to understand the importance of eating right and exercising?

I'm probably the only woman in the world that doesn't have to think about putting herself first.  As the wife of a low maintenance man and the mother to none, I put myself first on a regular basis.  I don't think twice about training for a triathlon, marathon, or anything else that might strike my fancy.

(I'm super excited about a "mud run" 5K in September!)

What I need to learn to do is put my health before my superficiality.  Staying health (even if it means "just" walking or not competing in the triathlon per doctor's orders) is more important than burning off that cheeseburger spinach-strawberry salad. 

Another area that I'm sadly superficial in?  Sunscreen. 

Everyone knows that tan fat looks better than pasty white fat.  But doesn't pasty white skin look better than skin that's scared from having dozens of moles removed?  As of now, I'm in the single digits on the mole removal thing, but if I'm not more vigilant about sunscreen that can certainly all change!

What about you?  How are you going to commit to choosing you?  I promise - these are commitments that will benefit everyone around you!

The birthday pictures

Sometimes Debbie Downer takes over my blog, but I try not to let her stay for more than a day.  She had her fun yesterday - now its time for us to have ours! 

Since I didn't get a camera for my birthday, I had to rely on a friend to be the official party photographer.  Unfortunately that means getting no pictures of her.  :(  An oversight that will be corrected next time around.

My friend from South Carolina (the one that threw the kickin LOST party) came down with her husband and the 3 of us visited the new Titanic museum in town.

Its a go-at-your-own-pace/self guided tour so we spend a good portion of the afternoon taking it all in.  Then it was back to the house to welcome guests and decorating.  The decorations had to wait until after some of the guests arrived, since guest/friend Chasity volunteered to purchase them and make my house festive.  We're not tall girls, so the actual hanging was man's work.

We started out on the front porch, but despite the shade of the roof and the outdoor ceiling fan we decided it was too warm to eat outside.

We set up camp in the keeping room/hearth room/TV room.  (Maybe I should do a "name my catch all room" blog contest?)  Thankfully Melissa had brought a card table to provide some more table space.  (If you come to a party of mine don't ask if you can help if you're not prepared to!!)

(That's the little man getting throw back and forth by Jay & my BIL).

After an excellent meal of hot dogs (thanks to my master griller hubby), mac & cheese (thanks again Chasity!), baked beans (love you mom!), and spinach strawberry salad (thanks Super Boo :P) it was time to open presents.

My friend/coworker/training buddy got me the funniest.card.ever.  Seriously.

On the front was a picture of a cake stand with only crumbs left with the words "The democrats stole your birthday cake..."

Opening it up, it continued "They gave it to people not fortunate enough to have a birthday today."

Yes, I found it that amusing.

After presents, the guys got antsy and went outside for a round of croquet while the girls stayed inside for some general chatter and story telling.

This is me, demonstrating how I pouted until Jay fixed my closet for me.

Other stories included the "wucking wan" incident.

and "Sammy will take care of that for ya"

I'd tell you the stories, but then I'd have to kill you.  Then again...Sammy could take care of that.

I'll leave you with the card that my darling love made for me.  He gave it to me two days later, on my actual birthday, along with a Renee Zellweger movie he got for $3 and LOST season 4 on DVD.

The top right hand corner says "To: The most perfect, beautiful, fun, and loving 30 year old woman a man could have.  From: A dirty, older man.

Then under the flower in the top left he wrote: This is suppose to be a flower if you couldn't tell.  Don't ask me what kind because I don't know!

The 3rd blob on the right is his version of a mountain.  He drew a stick woman on top, and a stick man rolling down the side.  It reads: "You on top of mtn.  You kicked me off and I rolled down the hill."  He also labeled the green grass under the mountain and the river below that.  Apparently he heard his mother say "tell me about the picture" enough as a child to understand that sometimes his drawings are the most obvious.

Finally in the bottom left corner of the card is a butter fly that "lost his tentacle in a horrible scissor accident".

Who needs Hallmark when you've got a man willing to do what it takes to make you smile?

Even if that means twirling his finger in his chest hair to get it caught, just to make me smile.  (Last night was the most recent - however not the first nor last time - incident).  How can I not smile at a man willing to take the time to torture himself (then be at my mercy cutting him loose) just to keep me from being sad?

Hope everyone has a great weekend planned!

Tired

As you guys know a lot has been going on with me lately.  I feel like I'm running to the doctor every week.  Checking my calendar - I've had at least one appointment a week for the past 4 weeks.  Of course next week is no exception.

There was the LOST finale party, the party for the kids, meeting April (EEEEEEEEE!) for the first time, and of course my birthday party. All of which were a lot of fun.

But I'm tired. 

The kind of bone weary tired that reminds me that I'm ill. 

Crazy that I would ever forget, but I do.  I look at my empty calendar sometimes and question why I'm stuck doing nothing.  At least nothing of any interest. 

I wonder if I'll be able to do the road race at the end of July that I penciled in months ago.

Question how I'll be feeling come September when its time to start training for the Disney.

My calendar went from looking like this (the purple marks are completed workouts):

to just a page full of red (bills to pay) and green (bills already paid) markings...

Last night I got home from visiting my sister (I didn't get to spend much time with the kids because I was ill - thank you very much iron tablets.  You are totally not cool.) and having lunch with April, to find a doctor's letter in my mailbox.

It was just a letter letting me know of my appointment next week, but the letterhead and standardized wording on the page brought me to tears.

You see hematologists are typically also oncologists.  Just like your girly doctor is probably both an OB and a GYN.  I opened to letter to see "oncology group" at the top of the page and "cancer survival center" at the bottom of the page.

I just broke down.  Is this what's its come to?  Jay reassured (or was it warned?) me that I'd be the healthiest person there.  He explained that due to his hemophilia he's been in more than his fair share of oncology wards, and the fact that they are cancer doctors doesn't mean that what's wrong with me is that serious.

Much as he tried - he couldn't make me feel better.  After all his visits are due to his potentially life threatening blood condition.

I KNOW I'm getting worked up over nothing.  I'm CONFIDENT most of the time that its nothing too serious.

But then I get tired and worn down.  And I think about the uncertain.  I wonder what the beep is wrong with me.

I just want to curl up in a ball, take a nap, and not wake up until I'm fixed.

So Long Captain McPouty Pants!

Friday at my follow up doctor's appointment, I didn't exactly get the news I wanted.  I went in knowing that we'd ruled out the top two probably causes for my anemia (heavy periods - a non issue thanks to birth control, and GI bleeding - ruled out by the scopes I had performed on Wednesday). 

I went in expecting a new list of things we were going to test for, avenues to pursue, a timeline for getting back to normal life.

I got none of those things.

What I got was instructions for buying iron tablets (she was just holding off for the GI tests) and a referral to a hematologist.

She didn't say it in so many words, but I took that to mean that she had ran out of guesses about what might be wrong.  In the most kind way possible, she was throwing in the towel, passing the torch - choose your own metaphor. 

That scares me a little.  She's a brilliant doctor, always willing to work until she finds the problem.  Yet she's now acknowledging that the problem is beyond her.

She had me schedule a follow up with her in 3 months "so I don't fall through the cracks."  I almost lost it at that point.  My appointment is made for week 1 of my Disney Marathon training plan.  I HAVE to be better by then!

She scared me even more when she suggested that the hematologist might want to do bone marrow testing on me.  My hemophiliac husband later assured me that its not as painful as its been billed to be - it only feels like several wasps are stinging you over and over.

Well then if that's all bring it on.  [insert eye roll because I'd rather be annoyed at him then scared of the procedure.]

Here's where my confessions come in.  One thing I did learn from this visit is that its time to stop pouting and waiting to be fixed.  That might take a while.

*  I haven't been exercising.  At all.  Even though she told me I could.   After I heard "no training" I got    frustrated and quit.  I'm limited to exercise that doesn't leave me short of breath - but I've got a wide variety of things I can at least try to do.  Weight training, swimming, biking (if I go easy), yoga, pilates, and of course the ole stand by - walking.  I've got to get back in it.  If for nothing else but my mental health.

Both Sunday and last night Jay & I went for a walk around the subdivision, and I'm planning on walking with friends at lunch today.  Do you think I could talk April into a walk after lunch tomorrow?  Walking alone is too flippin boring, but as long as I've got good conversation its not half bad.


*  Food has been a free for all.  I'm quite envious of Karena's intuitive eating plan. When I stopped counting calories I hoped that it would work for me.  That was, however, before I realized that I was anemic.  Before I realized that my ice chomping was pica, not some crazy eating disorder.   My body craves ice (thankfully I haven't progressed to dirt or clay) because it thinks that the ice will provide some nutrient I'm deficient in.  Quite obviously now is not the time to rely on it for my needs.

When I counted calories I was able to control my portions and eating, but now that I'm not tracking the food drawer in my desk is just too tempting.  Is getting packed up and taken home.  I got a kick ass lunch box for my birthday and I'm going back to meal planning.  Every night I'll pack up the breakfast, lunch & snacks that should be enough to do me for the next day and not a drop more.  Plus that extra bit of planning will be fun for a control freak like me!

* I had a chimichanga for lunch yesterday and KFC for dinner.  They were both really good!

That's it for me - just some major behavior modifications to report.

What's up in your world?