Friday at my follow up doctor's appointment, I didn't exactly get the news I wanted. I went in knowing that we'd ruled out the top two probably causes for my anemia (heavy periods - a non issue thanks to birth control, and GI bleeding - ruled out by the scopes I had performed on Wednesday).
I went in expecting a new list of things we were going to test for, avenues to pursue, a timeline for getting back to normal life.
I got none of those things.
What I got was instructions for buying iron tablets (she was just holding off for the GI tests) and a referral to a hematologist.
She didn't say it in so many words, but I took that to mean that she had ran out of guesses about what might be wrong. In the most kind way possible, she was throwing in the towel, passing the torch - choose your own metaphor.
That scares me a little. She's a brilliant doctor, always willing to work until she finds the problem. Yet she's now acknowledging that the problem is beyond her.
She had me schedule a follow up with her in 3 months "so I don't fall through the cracks." I almost lost it at that point. My appointment is made for week 1 of my Disney Marathon training plan. I HAVE to be better by then!
She scared me even more when she suggested that the hematologist might want to do bone marrow testing on me. My hemophiliac husband later assured me that its not as painful as its been billed to be - it only feels like several wasps are stinging you over and over.
Well then if that's all bring it on. [insert eye roll because I'd rather be annoyed at him then scared of the procedure.]
Here's where my confessions come in. One thing I did learn from this visit is that its time to stop pouting and waiting to be fixed. That might take a while.
* I haven't been exercising. At all. Even though she told me I could. After I heard "no training" I got frustrated and quit. I'm limited to exercise that doesn't leave me short of breath - but I've got a wide variety of things I can at least try to do. Weight training, swimming, biking (if I go easy), yoga, pilates, and of course the ole stand by - walking. I've got to get back in it. If for nothing else but my mental health.
Both Sunday and last night Jay & I went for a walk around the subdivision, and I'm planning on walking with friends at lunch today. Do you think I could talk April into a walk after lunch tomorrow? Walking alone is too flippin boring, but as long as I've got good conversation its not half bad.
* Food has been a free for all. I'm quite envious of Karena's intuitive eating plan. When I stopped counting calories I hoped that it would work for me. That was, however, before I realized that I was anemic. Before I realized that my ice chomping was pica, not some crazy eating disorder. My body craves ice (thankfully I haven't progressed to dirt or clay) because it thinks that the ice will provide some nutrient I'm deficient in. Quite obviously now is not the time to rely on it for my needs.
When I counted calories I was able to control my portions and eating, but now that I'm not tracking the food drawer in my desk is just too tempting. Is getting packed up and taken home. I got a kick ass lunch box for my birthday and I'm going back to meal planning. Every night I'll pack up the breakfast, lunch & snacks that should be enough to do me for the next day and not a drop more. Plus that extra bit of planning will be fun for a control freak like me!
* I had a chimichanga for lunch yesterday and KFC for dinner. They were both really good!
That's it for me - just some major behavior modifications to report.
What's up in your world?