June 08, 2010

So Long Captain McPouty Pants!

Friday at my follow up doctor's appointment, I didn't exactly get the news I wanted.  I went in knowing that we'd ruled out the top two probably causes for my anemia (heavy periods - a non issue thanks to birth control, and GI bleeding - ruled out by the scopes I had performed on Wednesday). 

I went in expecting a new list of things we were going to test for, avenues to pursue, a timeline for getting back to normal life.

I got none of those things.

What I got was instructions for buying iron tablets (she was just holding off for the GI tests) and a referral to a hematologist.

She didn't say it in so many words, but I took that to mean that she had ran out of guesses about what might be wrong.  In the most kind way possible, she was throwing in the towel, passing the torch - choose your own metaphor. 

That scares me a little.  She's a brilliant doctor, always willing to work until she finds the problem.  Yet she's now acknowledging that the problem is beyond her.

She had me schedule a follow up with her in 3 months "so I don't fall through the cracks."  I almost lost it at that point.  My appointment is made for week 1 of my Disney Marathon training plan.  I HAVE to be better by then!

She scared me even more when she suggested that the hematologist might want to do bone marrow testing on me.  My hemophiliac husband later assured me that its not as painful as its been billed to be - it only feels like several wasps are stinging you over and over.

Well then if that's all bring it on.  [insert eye roll because I'd rather be annoyed at him then scared of the procedure.]

True Confessions

Here's where my confessions come in.  One thing I did learn from this visit is that its time to stop pouting and waiting to be fixed.  That might take a while.

I haven't been exercising.  At all.  Even though she told me I could.   After I heard "no training" I got    frustrated and quit.  I'm limited to exercise that doesn't leave me short of breath - but I've got a wide variety of things I can at least try to do.  Weight training, swimming, biking (if I go easy), yoga, pilates, and of course the ole stand by - walking.  I've got to get back in it.  If for nothing else but my mental health.

Both Sunday and last night Jay & I went for a walk around the subdivision, and I'm planning on walking with friends at lunch today.  Do you think I could talk April into a walk after lunch tomorrow?  Walking alone is too flippin boring, but as long as I've got good conversation its not half bad.

*  Food has been a free for all.  I'm quite envious of Karena's intuitive eating plan. When I stopped counting calories I hoped that it would work for me.  That was, however, before I realized that I was anemic.  Before I realized that my ice chomping was pica, not some crazy eating disorder.   My body craves ice (thankfully I haven't progressed to dirt or clay) because it thinks that the ice will provide some nutrient I'm deficient in.  Quite obviously now is not the time to rely on it for my needs.

When I counted calories I was able to control my portions and eating, but now that I'm not tracking the food drawer in my desk is just too tempting.  Is getting packed up and taken home.  I got a kick ass lunch box for my birthday and I'm going back to meal planning.  Every night I'll pack up the breakfast, lunch & snacks that should be enough to do me for the next day and not a drop more.  Plus that extra bit of planning will be fun for a control freak like me!

* I had a chimichanga for lunch yesterday and KFC for dinner.  They were both really good!

That's it for me - just some major behavior modifications to report.

What's up in your world?


  1. I'm so sorry you didn't get the answers you were looking for! Try to be patient and yet be on top of things too. I swear doctors these days see so many people that they can't remember ANYTHING!!!


  2. bummer they are not finding anything wrong.. i understand that at this point any answer is better than none!!! I love your lunch packing idea!! maybe I should do that for me even if I only go to the basement for work. hmmmm inspired! thanks :) I hope you have a fabulous day .. off to get some shorts on under my skirt to do some YOGA FOR KIDS :) since its raining cats & dogs still.

  3. I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time! My daughter battled with hemolytic anemia as an infant and we had to see a pediatric hematologist. After all the tests...nothing. The doc said it was "something she'll probably outgrow" and she did. The doc thought it was just her system needing to get kick started.

    Could all your training be a cause?

    I hope you feel better soon and that you feel up to training again.

  4. HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY BROOKIE!!! Just felt like calling you that hope you don't mind!

    Sorry to hear about the dr , but its good that she is referring you to someone that can. Don't stress about the marathon just yet, I have a feeling you'll be good to go by end of summer!

  5. that must be super frustrating. i am sorry.

    and i think that ice chomping thing is totally fascinating. i had no idea that is what your body is want. crazy.

  6. You will get the answers you need and your life will get back to normal. As for the eating/exercise issues, do what you feel is write for you. I don't think you need to get all control-freak crazy, but some planning is a good thing. I'm with you on the walking, I find it boring and slow, but it is better than nothing.
    ((hugs)) and again-Happy Birthday! I'm sure you are going to rock your 30's!!!!

  7. You go girl! I am praying for you.

  8. hugs to you, Brooke! I know that *no news* is sometimes worse than *bad news*, because the worrying continues. Stay strong, and stay sane.

    Glad you're finding a balance between intuitive eating and control freak! If you ever figure out the perfect ratio, let me know! I'm not there yet!

  9. It's so hard when they don't find answers. Hang in there - set up your appt and do your exercise! Praying for you!

  10. Praying that you get some answers soon!

  11. Sorry you didn't get the news you wanted. Maybe since the Dr. you said is normally awesome, something was distracting her. Hoping it all gets better soon. Keep me posted.

  12. Chimechanga : ) yum!
    I ate the sandwhich from KFC that was 2 pieces of chicken with bacon in the middle and no bread. I took the bacon out. I felt like SUCH a hog.


what up yo?