Weigh-in day once again over at the Sisterhood. I'm holding steady at 128 again this week. I pretty much expected it given the splurges I gave into.
Last night, I hit a wall. Much like that wall distance runners get, the kind where you have to dig deep down to see if you've got what it takes to finish.
Instead of on the track, mine was on the scale.
I'm 3 pounds away from a random number I picked when I started this journey. I've dropped one pant size but only feel moderately more confident about the way I look.
Its gut check time. Why am I doing this? Is it for me? Is it for someone else? And what happens when its not good enough?
My initial complaint was that my pear shape was too out of porportion. That hasn't changed. Instead of a 2/8 top to bottom ratio, I'm a 0/6. Just as out of proportion as ever.
So maybe a 0/4 would make me happy? I believe they say its 10 pounds for every size, so is it really possible for me to lose 10 more pounds down to 118? Reading it, it sounds ridiculous and unhealthy, not to mention impossible.
And as far as others are concerned, I guess I've been relying my self worth too much on what others think. Silly, since its not called "others worth", and its a sure fire way to be let down.
I don't know that I could ever fit the Hollywood image of beautiful, therefore I'll never quite measure up. That's a tough realtiy to face. I guess I've always thought that I had something more to offer, which made the scales (metaphorically speaking) balance back. Now I'm coming to realize that it just doesn't work that way.
I think I'm going to run after work today, do a nice long 6 miler, and just think. About what I want. About who I'm doing this for.