Christmas Adventures - the Pineapple Pile of Crap Cake

Since graduating college, I've always contributed in some way to family dinners.  I started as the two liter drink girl, then graduated to the mac & cheese girl.  This year I wanted to contribute more, so when my mom gave me my list to bring for Christmas brunch, I was a disappointed and offended.

I was intructed to bring a dozen eggs and a container of juice.  Not scrambled eggs.  Not fried eggs.  A dozen raw eggs.  To be cooked by someone else upon my arrival.  I had a coupon decided to at least say I made something, so I went for the juice from concentrate rather than just grabbing a jug at the store.

Everything I offered to bring in addition to those things were shot down.  Cranberry scones?  Over kill considering we'd be having biscuits and french toast.  Breakfast casserole?  Nope, we're having scrambled eggs and three kinds of pig pork.

So when my sister started planning her Christmas dinner meal, I immediately saw that this was my opportunity to step up to the plate.  As we exchanged emails discussing non-traditional items that would be super yum for the dinner. 

Ham...what goes good with ham?  Pineapple.  Ooh, I'll make a pineapple upside down cake!

Please keep in mind that I've never made one before.  And my last attempted at holiday baking ended with kitchen fire.

My sister knew I was wanting to make somethink like every other adult in our family so she put me down for cake.  Her apple pie is tradition every year, so she would be making that too just in case my cake was an epic fail.  Which is was.

I made the cake Christmas Eve, because the receipe said it was always better the next day.  I wanted to do the step by step picture thing that a lot of you do on your blogs.  I think it looks cook and at the very least I could get a blog out the experience right? 

I searched high and low for Jay's camera.  Even went outside in my jammies in the cold to look in his work vehicle, but still couldn't find it. Little did I know...

My first moment of panic came when I noticed the receipe called for All Purpose flour.  I buy self rising, but had a little left after the cookie incident.  (The cookie  receipe just called for "flour" and I used AP instead of self rising.)

Thankfully I did have 2 cups of AP flour that the receipe called for - but just barely!  Then it came time to mix up the pineapples and the brown sugar glaze.  I had a can of pineapple chunks - the recipe called for crushed.

I updated my facebook status as I fumbled around baking the cake and a friend of mine  (Laureen) suggested I just crush the pineapple - by telling it that it would never amount to anything.

As I was mixing the cake batter - I had a real oh $%&* moment.  My hand mixer just stopped working.  I know that mixing and stirring by hand aren't the same, but at the time I didn't see that I had much of a choice so I tossed the mixer and got on with things.

It seemed to mix okay, so I poured it over the pineapples and left it to bake for 40 minutes.  In the mean time I took care of all the dishes I had dirtied in the process.

Look at the picture again.  Is there anything you notice that seems odd to you?

That's right - I own a stand mixer.  Something that complete escaped me as I was panicing about the dead hand mixer.  My in-laws had a renter to leave it behind in a home they own.  Since she already had one, she cleaned it up and gave it to me a few months before Jay and I got married.  Since I'm not really a chef/baker, I don't use it enough to remember that it exist. 

Although I do have to pick it up every time I wipe down the counter. 

Just in case you didn't notice, I found the camera.  Right under my nose - just like the stand mixer.

Okay so back to the cake.  It finally finished baking and I let it cool as directed before I turned it out.  That's when it all fell apart.

Quite literally.

I let my sister know that it looked like a pile of crap and I wouldn't be bringing it for Christmas dinner, but Pollyanna would have none of my straight to the garbage can talk.  "I'm sure it tastes great, even if it doesn't look good.  At the very least bring it so we can all have a good laugh."

So I took it.

And no one ate it for dinner.  My niece did make herself a bowl for a late night snack (she's very self sufficiant for a 5 year old) and ate every drop.  Then again she thinks her Aunt Boo is the best ever, so I'm sure it had nothing to do with the actual cake.

My sister's neighbor stopped by for a few minutes and had a piece, but I'm pretty she was just curious after reading all of those facebook updates.

When it came time to come home - I divided it between my sister's family and my parents.

Jay and I never had a bite.