February 10, 2009

Here's my $15 copay

Now that I've paid you as my therapist, you have to listen. :P

I am the most insecure person in the world. scratch that.

I am the 2nd most insecure person in the world.

Let’s be realistic here, surely I can’t be the worst.

Can I?

I try to let me frugal freak banner fly high, but that’s not who I really am.

I’m the girl who saves every penny, so that one day she can afford that she’s always wanted. Only by the time the pennies add up, the dream changes and I need more pennies.

So being made fun of for watching network channels on an old 26 inch TV really does get to me.

Have I mentioned how much I hate the way I look?

I’ve been working out more and watching what I eat since the first of the year and the scale just isn’t budging. You’d think cutting back from 3-5 days of fast food for lunch down to 1 would do the trick, but it hasn’t. Neither has cutting in half the number of cokes I drink in a day (from 2 down to 1, sometimes none).

Then there is Sunday school. To be honest I’m starting to understand why Mr. Right doesn’t like it at the big church. I think having a community of people who are in our age group/place in life is important. But every Sunday feels like middle school. Will there be anyone talk to me? Will I fit in okay?

I don’t take criticism well. Mostly because I see it as validation that I really am that pathetic. Incompetent. Socially inept.

And while I’ve picked at Mr. Right before in social situations, I realized this weekend its just not appropriate. Being called a name, even when its all just for a laugh, really isn’t worth it.

I know he just did it because he assumed that its okay – why wouldn’t it be, I do it all the time. But it still hurt.

Sorry for the serious crap, just had to get it off my chest.

I promise a donkey picture for wordless Wednesday tomorrow.


  1. =) I'm down with the honest blogs. I know what you mean about Sunday School sometimes feeling like a fashion show or a most popular contest. I'm lucky cause in my profession, I am ALWAYS thrown out in the deep end, so I've gotten used to throwing myself in a coversation with people I hardly know over the years. It's hard, though, and I'm supposed to interview random strangers on a daily basis!!

    I'm so impressed that you watch so little TV and don't need a big screen TV. I WISH I could say the same for us, but Superman ALWAYS wants the newest toy.

    Looking forward to your donkey picture. ;) lol

  2. I know just what you mean and I really think most everyone feels this way,(at least sometimes!) but covers it up better! I do have cable but not a big tv, or a big house, or new cars... I've learned that it's ok! But - I still want some of that stuff sometimes. Good for you for sticking to it with your budget.

  3. All I can say is do your best to keep sight of how God sees you and Mr. Right.
    You are not alone in your struggles!

  4. Don't feel alone. I know there are more people out there than you even realize. I am one of them. Like to hear how pathetic I can be in the "insecure, wanting to belong" group? I knew you did. Facebook!!! Everyone joins, right? We all think it will great to reconnect with old high school friends! Well, I guess for some it is great. But I found it to be an exact replay of high school. The same snobby cliques and alienation of people deemed uncool. I don't want to relive those days for anything.

  5. You're being real and true. I've felt this way many a days. I agree with Shannon. I do like FB for keeping in touch with family and other friends but high school? I could do without high school. Hang in there!

  6. Aw, sorry you were having a down day.

    "Chin up, chin up, everybody loves a happy face. Wear it, share it, it'll brighten up the darkest place!"


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