April 27, 2010

Weekend Revelation

Doesn't that sound dramatic?  I'll confess that it is a little hyped to suck you in, but there certainly was an air about this weekend that was more than just your standard couple of days off.

I took Friday off, yet my alarm went off at 4:30 AM.  Ever year I volunteer (aren't I a good Tennessean?) at a charity shooting tournament my boss hosts to raise money for Cystic Fibrosis research.  I mostly stayed inside in the (over) air conditioned club house tallying scores, but it was an exhausting day.  That night I came home and crashed.

The weather forecasters were calling for thunderstorms all weekend and I had a long bike ride to squeeze in.  Thankfully the bad weather was a little delayed getting to us, so I was able to get in a 10 miler before showering and heading to church Saturday morning.

From 10-4 my parents church was hosting a live simulcast of Beth Moore's "So Long Insecurities" lecture.  I've been reading the book for a couple weeks now, and was excited to hear more about the topic.

Earlier in the week a friend of mine (who seems to be the only secure woman in the world) told me that insecurity is nothing but vanity concealing itself as humility.  While at first I resisted the idea - after all what did she know about insecurity, it wasn't anything she had struggled with - the more I considered it I realized her theory had at least a grain of truth to it.

Wouldn't you know Beth Moore said the same thing.  She said she wanted to make women think enough of themselves so that they thought of themselves less often. 

How self centered to assume that the people over in the corner whispering are whispering about you.  Do you really and truly thing that everything revolves around you?

Another point that she really hit home is that our security must come from our heritage in the Lord.  That's something that I've been considering on my own for a while now, so it was like a slap upside the head from the Holy Spirit.

This past Thursday I ran the SMARM 5K course in anticipation of my upcoming race this weekend.  I could feel that my pace was sluggish and I berated myself for not going faster.  After all what would it mean if I repeated my first ever race and didn't better my time?

If you let your worth come from racing, what are you left with when you don't achieve your goals?

Sometimes I argue with the Holy Spirit.  He nudges me in the right direction and I respond "but..." or "well the thing is..."  This time I had no argument.

A years worth of training and competing and what has it gotten me?  A couple of racing bibs, some self confidence when I reach my goals and the blues when I don't. 

I'll spare you the details of Saturday night - we'll just say that it was a huge reminder that I'm not the woman of God I'm called to be.  I went into Sunday with a different attitude. 

Well sort of. 

I was still considering how I could change up my training schedule so as to not conflict with my triathlon training but also to give me at least one day of rest before the race.  Thankfully I was able to get a run in Sunday afternoon which clears up my Friday for just rest.  A mini taper of sorts.

You wanna know what I learned on that run?  That I enjoy running.  I enjoy challenging myself.  And even if my Daily Mile stats aren't anything impressive, I can still feel good about myself. 

How did one 3 mile run at a 12 minute mile become so revolutionary? 

You'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out!!


  1. I hope you can look at your DM stats and really see the big picture and how much you have done, instead of focusing on the little details! :)

  2. I think insecurities are a part of everyones life. After all no one starts out full of confidence and good at everything. I think like anything in life it is a natural learning process and as you tackle one thing and conquer it you move on to the next gaining more and more self confidence.
    I see you doing just that with your running.
    Good Job!

  3. I LOVE that view on insecurities!
    You may not see much change in your short runs, but who's training for a triathlon? Who did a marathon? Um yea.

  4. Great post!! I like how you put it all out there :) I think the main part about working out and running is just making sure that you are enjoying it too! Have a great night!

  5. Never heard insecurity phrased that way...such a good (and thought-provoking) point.

  6. I love Beth Moore. My church did her Believing God study and it was amazing. I still apply to my life what I learned during that study.

  7. Great insight into insecurity. I never thought of it that way.

  8. i really love her thoughts on giving women enough confidence to stop thinking about themselves so much. yes, i have goals in racing too, but each race and each training run has given me a new boost in some department, and that's exactly where it's taken me because i no longer look at myself and compare myself to other people on the outside and i (usually) don't feel as if everyone is staring at me and pointing and laughing. you, girl, must not look at the new pr or lack thereof for your success or failure. because whatever happens on that run is what you take with you. the stuff that happens in your head along the way. i remember not so long ago, you weren't doing any of this stuff, remember? that is all that counts is that today, you are. every single day you are improving something, even if it doesn't show up on the clock. i'm just saying.

  9. You need to go to DM and see how many calories you've burned, or my personal favorite-how many donuts. Seriously-you work out more than just about anyone I know and those little insecurities that get you down make me sad, because they prevent you from seeing how truly awesome you are. When God nudges you in a certain direction-don't question, just go.

  10. I never thought of insecurity that way, either. Hmm...you've given me something to think about! I'm glad you realized that you enjoy running & stuff ~ it's great to enjoy what you're doing!

  11. Thanks - I really needed to read this today. I've been walking around feeling these thoughts...that others are whispering about me (school drama again). I just need to let it go.

  12. insecurities are apart of our lives. it is so hard to over come them. i cant read fashion mags because when i look at the women on the cover it really messes with my mind.

  13. You are awesome...that is all. I wish I had a tenth of the insight to myself that you do...seriously. You make me think.


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