February 09, 2010

True Confessions - another deep one

What's the difference in being content with where you are and being complacent?

And since it's True Confessions Tuesday that means you can't give me any crap.

The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans True Confessions

See, the button says so!

In all seriousness, though, how do I know?

Excluding hormone induced crying fits I know I'm not fat.  I know that I could not lose another pounds and have a body most women would love to have.  (Is that cocky?  I don't mean it to be.)  I've worked hard to get where I am, but I understand that my level of neurosis commitment isn't practical for many people.

Am I greedy for wanting more?  Maybe.  Probably.

Like any other woman, I have good weeks and I have bad weeks.  Two weeks ago my confessional was 100% positive.  Contentment.

This week is very similar - yet another "rare" event caused me to throw my calorie counting out the window.  Only somehow this week I don't feel as inspired.

Is it because its easy to say that I'm okay with it the first week I'm stagnant, then after a few weeks I start to get frustrated?  Complacent.

Right now I'm considering just going back to maintenance.  I'm still not back where I was before my holiday eating spree/exercise break.  However I'm thinking about taking 2100 calories out for a spin.

I know I won't be happy with myself until I at least get back to 125.  Maybe 120 was unrealistic on my part.  Or maybe, just maybe, I need to believe in myself - in the person I am when I'm working out 7-10 times a week.  Because that person doesn't stuff herself on velveeta & hormel chili dip served w/tortilla chips.

She is an athlete who considers food fuel, not entertainment.

I want to be her.

I am her.

So I guess I answered my own question - what's the difference?


I can be content enough with myself to slide a little for a week.  When I start to wallow in it is when the complacancy tries to kick in.

So now its time for me to kick it back into focus.

Normally I try to balance my calories out.  If I go over by 100 today, I eat 100 less tomorrow.  After this weekend, that's just not possible.  But I do have the power to wipe the slate clean.

Starting today its 1650.  I can't worry about my weekend mistake.  I can't afford to repeat it either.

Today is all I have.

I'll also admit to having a mini meltdown last night.  Have I  mentioned how great of a husband I have?  I did a complete emotional 180 out of the blue, sobbing uncontrollably.  Somehow he didn't freak out, didn't get upset with me, and did what he could to help me get back to the other side of the 180. 

Not sure why he loves someone as crazy messed up emotional as me, but I'm certainly grateful.

Okay off of me on to you...got something you need to get off your chest?  Blog about it then link up with the Sisterhood.


  1. Girl, don't worry. We ALL have our emotional breakdowns. =)

    Usually I'm fairly happy with my body now, because I can remember where I was six months ago -- two dress sizes bigger. But after a weekend of basically binge eating (hey, it was the Super Bowl, lol!!), I looked at myself Monday morning and just thought...UGH. Running yesterday helped, and I have to think, "Okay, I felt good about myself two days ago, and I didn't gain 10 pounds in 2 days, despite how many cupcakes I ate." ;)

  2. oh this is a good one!! you sound good today & we all have off days. as long as the good out number the bad U rock!! :)

  3. Everyone has crazy messed up emotions. I'm sure he loves you for yours.

  4. It really is a conundrum, isn't it? It's difficult to find that happy balance.

    No, you're statements are not cocky. I would love to be in your position right now. But that's the NOW me, not 130-ish pound me. When I get there, will I be satisfied? I don't know.

    Attitude is SO important! And yet so difficult to change. You're onto it, Brooke. Keep "rethinking your shrink", and I think you'll find the answers you're looking for! Then you can pass them on to me!

  5. I think when we set up an absolute number, we set ourselves up for disappointment. It's nearly impossible to be perfect all the time, and that's what absolutes call us to be. Try setting up a range of calories and see if that works better.

  6. Your comments all make a lot of sense. I like what you said about the difference between contentment and complacency is attitude. You are 100% correct. Good days and bad days will continue to come and go and how you chose to react to them will make all the difference.

    As for calories/maintenance/continue to lose, that is entirely up to you, but I think you've done a great job and look fantastic.

  7. Ohhhh, the meltdowns. I have one once a month if you get my drift. Once a month, my jeans don't fit, and I cry. Then about 3-5 days later, they fit again. Monthly meltdown, like clockwork.

  8. Yes, emotional breakdowns = perfectly acceptable. Pretty sure we picked our husbands because we knew they could handle it. LOL

    Definitely a personal choice about maintenance vs. your other goal, so I don't know what to say! I do know that even "athletes" splurge on homemade mac and cheese every once in a while and go out on a really long ride before or afterward (says a really skinny girl in my tri group). No matter what, your habits, our habits, are all better than they were. And health is what we're striving for. Never ever say your goals are unrealistic by the way. You want it? You go get it. You know how. You just gotta figure out the importance of it, that's all. Mwa!

  9. I'm thankful for my husband too when he just knows to give me a hug during my meltdowns. My gripe is what to do during our unexpected winter break.


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